YOU TOOK MY ANSWER!
Bravo!
Works for me 
They don’t think they deserve to be one of the lucky 144,000? Sheep. I’ve never talked to any of them long enough to find out. What kind of of a crappy religion is that?
Wait, so I get 1000 years to convert and turn my life around after the Earthly Paradise is set up?
Not a matter of deserving- it’s just that God has been gathering the 144,000 since roughly 33 AD. It’s pretty amazing the JWs would think any spaces may still be left.
Anyway, Paradise Earth isn’t a shabby deal at all.
BrightNShiny- IIRC, the 1000 period will the total length of the trial period for humanity, but individuals better get their acts together in 100 years or they risk dying w/o hope of being raised again.
10 AM!? Wow, they let you sleep late. Last time some JW’s rang my bell on Saturday it was 7!
Whatthefuckever. They can still get the fuck off my lawn.
I have personally chewed out, cursed out and **made a complete ass **of myself to two older ladies that had the effrontery to ring my door bell on at 7:00am. I explained in no uncertain terms what complete dirt bags they were for waking people up at such an ungodly hour to salve their own conscious. They must have been two dollar whores in their youth to have so much guilt to try an salve.
I never, ever got bugged again. I look back on what I did as a 25 year old and I am not proud of it, but damn it, it did work really well. They weren’t even JW. I think they were baptists or something.
I was usually politer to the JWs but they never woke me up after a night of partying.
That’s when you open the door with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
It worked for me!
Robin
You can’t have enough holidays, though the Muslims have a hard sell with Ramadan.
They don’t have anything against beer.
I’m not sure what the subject here is so this may or may not be a hijack.
Anyways, I’ve never had a problem with JW’s. They’re always so earnest and friendly that I’ve felt that being mean to them would be like hitting a kitten or something.
In fact, I once had a long and interesting debate of sorts with one. I was at a train station waiting for my sister to pick me up after work, but she was running late. So the station had long since cleared out and there was just me and this other guy, who turned out to be a JW. We talked for an hour about the nature of God and the universe and such and while we never really agreed on anything, it was a friendly discussion. When my sister showed up, we both smiled and shook hands and said something along the lines of “well it was nice talking to you”, and parted company.
I’m pretty sure the OP was a satire.
I’m pretty sure the OP is an idiot.
I don’t smoke, so my other hand has my penis in it.
I’m not sure what the point of the OP is, but I don’t think he/she is actually offended by “Happy Holidays” is all. Considering the last line about how it’s a satirical post, or something.
You’re sooo good-looking!
My crazy, bipolar ex-MIL claimed to be one of the 144K but the elders told her to knock it off and had the big Watchtower HQ write her a letter telling her she’s fulla shit. On the one hand, I really detest the JW’s for many reasons, on the other hand they delivered this awesome smackdown on that twat, so I have to give them reluctant props.
Nope, you die in Armageddon you’re pretty much toast. On the other hand, if you die before Armageddon you get resurrected for the 1000 Year JW Midwestern Jello Salad and Tuna Casserole Picnic–YMMV but I’d rather be dead, y’know?
There ya go–they have specialists to deal with weird religions, Satanists and the like, but there ain’t a JW whelped that can deal with overt sexuality. Tell 'em they can have a bible study with you but they have to take a shower with you first and you’ll soap their backs for 'em and they’ll run like candy assed baboons. Bonus points if they’re not of your preferred gender.
My ex-SIL was a Jehovah’s Witness. She’d not observe any holidays, only births and marriages. She was a little more liberal than most other JW’s, in that she’d celebrate the holiday the day before.
Fireworks on July 3rd.
Candy on October 30th.
Turkey on the last Wednesday in November.
Presents exchanged/opened on December 23rd.
She eventually re-married, and started celebrating holidays in a more traditional manner, although she did have some questions at first.
I felt it my duty to tell her that the most popular Easter tradition was to consume large quantities of Peeps.
I got the reference; thanks for the chuckle. 