In this thread I talked about my 13-yr old stepson and his smoking. Well, since then, he has continued to do it. We’re not giving him enough money to buy cigarettes, but that doesn’t stop him from stealing money from me to do it. He denies stealing the money of course.
Now, today while I’m at work, my wife, in tears, calls me and tells me she had gotten a call from the mother of my stepson’s “girlfriend” (who is also 13) informing my wife that her daughter and my stepson had had sex about a month ago. As the story goes, they DID use a condom and the girl says she’s had a period since. Her mother is still taking her to a doctor on Monday just to be sure. My wife called her ex to discuss the situation. The ex informed my wife that her son had no respect for her or me. The primary problem is discipline. There really is none. Whenever I try to discipline him, she goes and changes whatever I have set down. When we got married, we agreed that she would handle the discipline. I figured she had been doing it for years anyway (when they were married, her ex wasn’t exactly the greatest father, he HAS changed) and there wouldn’t be a problem. I’m no ogre, but the stuff he gets away with would’ve gotten me in deep shit when I was his age.
Everything had been going well until puberty kicked in. My stepson, unfortunately, has gotten the short end of the stick: bad acne, rapidly outgrowing his peers, moodiness, etc.
In a thread I can’t seem to locate right now, I talked about this and how I feared my stepson was following the same path as my younger brother (35 yrs old, 5 DUIs, jailed at least 3 times, 4-6 children, 4 marriages, and is now LIVING WITH MY PARENTS!!). Most replies dismissed my fears, as did my wife. Well, now it seems I was more right than I would like.
My wife agrees that she should have been more aggressive in disciplining her son than she has. Her reason was that she didn’t want to have conflict in the house. She does not handle confrontations well and would have rather have peace regardless of the price. Now the price is being paid. I tried to convice her that shielding him from this sort of thing will only hurt him in the long run. She agrees with this, but continues to do what she does.
Unfortunately, the clock cannot be turned back and we have to deal with the situation. He is currently at a basketball camp and is returning tomorrow. When he gets home, his father will be waiting. He and my wife will confront him about the sex thing. He will then go to stay with his father & grandparents (irony time, his father lives on HIS parents’ property) for the next three weeks. Whether or not this will help any, I don’t know.
I am at odds here. I’m not really sure what to do. I can’t make him stop smoking, having sex, or anything else. My wife and I can tell him what the potential consequences of his actions are, but it will just go in one ear and out the other.
Help?