Lancia started a thread asking for advice on how to deal with perceived issues between her child and his school.
Lancia might have a valid complaint although she hasn’t met with her son’s teacher yet to get the teachers impressions but her story brings to mind a boy named Peter who was in my son’s fourth grade class 15 or so years ago. Peter was 45 pounds soaking wet and was an obnoxious bully. He tripped the other children, would rip up their papers and stomp on their lunches. I had him in my cub scout troop and he constantly talked back and picked on the other kids. Often they were almost twice his size.
The worst part was he was a constant distraction to the other kids. When he wasn’t acting out, the other children were tense waiting for the next incident. He was put at a desk away from the others and then spend his time balling up papers and throwing them around the room.
His mother was at the school almost daily defending her kid. Screaming at the teachers accusing things ranging from racism to physical abuse. Why the principal put up with this for so long is beyond me. Eventually one of the parents in the class had enough and started a petition to get Peter removed from the class and/or the school stating the undersigned would withdraw our children from the private school should the matter not be rectified immediately. All but two parents signed the petition and Peter was asked to leave. I would imagine public school parents wouldn’t have this kind of leverage.
To this day I can’t believe the effort Peter’s Mom put in to defending his bad behavior rather than correct it. She would defend and put the teachers down right in front of him which only reenforced his bad attitude.
I said in Lancia’s thread that I really feel bad for teachers these days. When I was growing up, the teachers were always given the benefit of the doubt and not only did we get in trouble at school, we would get in trouble at home for our school behavior. The few times I have had to request a meeting with my 12 year old daughter’s teachers, they always seem prepared to be on the defensive. I practically hear the sigh of relief when I confront my daughter about whatever issue brought about the necessity of a meeting.
Is it the norm that parents automatically takes the child’s word over the teachers these days or simply the vocal minority?
I’m a teacher. Unlike many, I don’t think society has changed that much in this area. I would say that for the vast majority of “bad” kids, the parents have always believed them and not the teacher. It’s probably why they are bad in the first place, or it is at least a contributing factor.
I think a lot of parents take their kids being disciplined as a personal insult to them. “You’re saying little Johnny did something bad? Are you saying I’m a horrible parent?” Over the last few decades children have also become much more an extension of their parents, rather than separate people their parents just happen to raise.
I assure you that your children often lie to you about what goes on at school and who is to blame when things are not going right. Not always but often.
Find out the full story first then sort things out. This will save a lot of good will with your childs teacher.
I totally agree with this. And it’s true from conception on up.
Did anyone else read this article in the Boston Magazine on overparenting? It’s not 100% pertinent to the OP, but it does talk about how kids are rarely left to their own devices anymore and are constantly being shephered through play by parents and teachers.
I don’t see that taking the child’s word over the teachers has become the norm.
In my experience, which is limited - 6 years experience as a school parent & 2 years as a teacher - I have found most parents & teachers try to work together for the benefit of the child. There, of course, are rare exceptions on both sides. I think as often as I’ve seen the group of extreme “take the child’s word without question” parents you mention, I’ve also seen an equal group of parents that takes the teachers word without question. Neither approach is ideal, in my opinion.
I agree for the most part but one thing I can assure you is once a kid has to wear the label of being a troublemaker it is bad. Teachers will assume it’s always him and the other kids know it and use it.
I went with one kid Evan and he was a troublemaker but other kids would hit him and beat him knowing darn well, by this time, Evan would get the blame. I remember one kid on top of Evan wailing the tar out of him and the teacher pulls them apart and sends Evan to the principal for starting it, which he didn’t and it was clear he was getting the worst of it.
I know once a kid wears the handle of a troublemaker he’s in for it. Even if he deserves it, it’ll be hard if not impossible to live it down, no matter how his behavior changes