Teacher and students bullying my son in school. Need advice ASAP.

In My Humble Opinion
1

My son is six years old, and in the first grade. Over the past month my wife and I have noticed a slight change in his behavior when he discusses school. He went to a preschool for two years, kindergarten and now is in gradeschool. He has always been thrilled with the thought of going to school and has always returned happy and ready to go the next day.

Not anymore. He talks about school rarely, and when he does we have to bring the subject up. He still seems to enjoy it, bit the enthusiasm is fading. This may be normal, but I’m guessing not, and here is why.

His gradeschool has a discipline system based on “minors” and “referrals”. Minors are what we called a “note home to your parents” when I was in gradeschool. It is a pre-printed form where the teacher gives a brief description of the rule violation and the punishment given. The punishment is either sitting on a time-out instead of recess or going go a ersatz detention (sort of a study hall) instead of recess.

The referral is the new PC way of saying ‘being sent to the principal’s office’. The punishment is usually the same, with the addition of a talking-to by the principal.

My son has recieved three minors and one referral since school began. Two of the minors were for throwing stuff on the playground. Being punished for that is fine by me.

The referral was for acting out “video game violence on the playground”, which I though was bullshit. His teacher admitted he didn’t hit anybody, wasn’t being mean or trying hurt someone. We don’t have a video game system, and when I talked to him he said his friend wanted to act out ‘Halo’.

Last week he came home with a minor because he was in art class and , per the note, ‘used his finger to wipe glue on another student’ WTF? These are BOYS, gradeschool boys at that. Christ.

My son tells me today the teacher has been making him sit at the very back of the class, because she told him he was talking too much and if he was at the back of the class he wouldn’t be around anyone (this is his story. I know for a fact he has been sitting at the back of the class; I assumed it was a one-time thing.) He said he told his teacher he would be quiet in class, but that was two weeks ago and she has yet to allow him to return to his normal seat.

My son then tells me that a kid punched him in the chest during recess. He said the bell rang immediately after so he waited to tell his teacher instead of the playground monitor. He tells me that his teacher told him he should have told the playground monitor, and sent him back fo his seat.

I don’t know what to do. We put a lot of effort into being able to get him to that school because it has a good reputation as a clean, friendly place with a good academic record. Now I feel like I’m ready to snap. I don’t want to pull him out of that school; in fact I can’t see how that’s even possible with the schedule my wife and I have. All I know is my son is getting bullied by both his teacher and other students. It needs to stop, and now. The school’s motto is “be safe, responsible and respectful”. They sure are doing a shitty job of setting an example. My son also has some minor physical disabilities, and while it’s not obvious, I’m always worried that other kids may pick up on it and start teasing him.

Has anyone on the boards dealt with a similar situation? Am I overreacting here?

2

throwing what, where? punished why?

cripes, I went to a Catholic grade school and it took more than that to get written up. sounds like that school is run by a bunch of officious fucks.

3

It sounds like they are very hard on discipline. I don’t see outright bullying by teachers, though.

4

Bullying does not mean what you seem to think it does. There may or may not be issues with the discipline system at that school, but your child is not being bullied.

5

I would schedule a conference with his teacher. Often, any concerns I have are resolved after meeting with the teacher. I’d start with stating your concern about his desk being separated from the group.
Also, for my kids, the transition to grade school has been huge. No more naps, reduced playtime, and, much to their chagrin, more desk based work. Your son may still be adjusting to the changes, and, may still regain some enthusiasm for school.
Sometimes, a teacher can be a poor fit for a particular student, and, that makes for a rough year, too.

6

One of the frustrating things in these situations is trying to ascertain the facts. It’s natural to believe your child (and I’m not implying you shouldn’t…) but as the parent of boys who are 9, 5 and 3, I know that it’s sometimes difficult to get the whole story from them. I have had experiences with teachers who seemed indifferent and unresponsive to requests for information. In those cases I would speak to the principal. Usually, however, I have found the teachers are happy to discuss the situation and work with the parents. Everyone’s situations are different, of course, but I also don’t see any bullying based on your description. Maybe some bias or bad teaching.

7

This sounds more like adjustment issues then bullying. Schedule a proper conference with the teacher and possibly the principal. Explain your concerns and get them to explain to you their discipline system so that you understand fully what is going on.

8

As a fellow parent of a first grader, you may be a little oversensitive, but I would schedule a meeting with the teacher and principal to discuss your son’s behaviour and how you can work together to modify it.
From the incidents you describe, there seems a pattern of behaviour, twice he was throwing things (presumably at someone), he was “playfighting”, and he smeared glue on another student. These could all be considered physical violations on other students.
There also may be a bullying issue if all these incidents involve the same student. It may be mutual or there could be another child telling his parents that some kid keeps throwing rocks at him, beat him up “Halo” style, then smeared glue on him.
Talk to your son about how he feels about school, peers, etc… and then communicate this with his teacher and principal who can modify their own treatment to help him adapt.
Do not go into the school to challenge the teacher and principal and/or the system, instead express your concerns about how often he has been disciplined and if there is anything you should do at home to help.

9

I am sick of the word “bully.”

10

Does he have an IEP concerning his physical disabilities? Are they serious enough to warrant one? If so, a meeting is in order. I’ve had to call two this year already. My first grader went from absolutely loving school last year to begging not to go because the other kids were picking on her. She has mild autism and she’s the only one in the class with support classes and therapists, plus she’s slightly delayed in speech and behavior. Kids mock any differences around first grade it seems, and you have the additional stress of a change in the academic atmosphere.

11

Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Go run home and tell your mommy?

12

I second and third the suggestions for a parent conference. It shows you’re involved, trying to be fair, all sorts of good things.

Write out your concerns so you’re clear and can let off a little steam. Communicate as you would wish to be treated (stay away from things that would make someone defensive, for example).

Generally try for a light tone for clearing up an innocent misunderstanding. If that doesn’t work, go up the next step.

13

Right. I find it odd that this wasn’t done. Why is this poster taking the word of his six year old child without hearing the situation directly from the teacher’s mouth? It must suck to be a teacher when so often parents automatically assume you are to blame when their precious snowflakes are in trouble.

14

This. I know you want your kid to be the victim in this scenario, but there’s a very real possibility that he’s the “bully.” Until you talk to the teacher, there’s no way to know for sure.

15

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Can we please have a discussion about someone’s children without using the tired-ass term “precious snowflake”?

The OP is trying to be a decent parent, and is asking for help regarding concerns s/he has about a son. Quit insulting people.

16

I agree with others - time to schedule a conference with the teacher. From the OP, it sounds to me like your child is having some discipline issues and some reinforcement from you about proper behavior at school might be in order. Except for the kid hitting your child, I don’t see any bullying, and from the other things you listed that your child has done, it wouldn’t surprise me if the hitting was in self defense.

And this…

…bugs the crap out of me. I have two elementary age boys. There is zero chance I would let them think this is acceptable behavior. Boys or not, they need to learn to respect other people, pay attention in class, and stay on task. Kids make mistakes - boys and girls - but saying that it’s okay because “boys will be boys” is BS.

17

If your child’s being bullied by the teacher, what you need to do is tell your kid that the teacher is more afraid of him than he is of the her. Then he needs to hit her. Just once. You show you can stand up to your bully and she’ll back down and not bother your kid again.

[sub]This advice brought to you by Methheads of America for legalized LSD. I’m Ender and I approved this message.[/sub]

18

For good or for ill, elementary-aged kids are famous for being completely different at school than at home: many is the parent who has been amazed to hear their kid described as “helpful” or “polite” or “talkative” or “quiet” or whatever. It might be worth your time to go observe the class, or recess.

19

I spoke with his teacher this morning before class began. The story he told me regarding yesterday’s playground incident doesn’t jive with what she told me, so we will definitely be scheduling a parent teacher conference.

I’m well aware that most kids can be little shits at times, and most parents automatically take the side of their kids without even trying to get more information. Let me reiterate what I posted in my OP, but apparently was either missed or ignored by some: my son does not seem to enjoy school the way he used to. We’ve been sending him to some form of school for four years now in am attempt to get him used to being around other kids, and hoping he would’nt feel like an outcast when he enterd public school (and yes, he has an IEP). He has always enjoyed school. Now, not so much. He is fine at home, bit what was once apparently a highlight of his day is now something he doesn’t particularly enjoy. Maybe that’s just part of the process. I know I despised school to the point my parents pulled me out, but that’s not normal. Something is going on.

I will also add that he is a fairly “wimpy” kid, at least by gradeschool standards. The idea of him being the bully or the instigator of these incidents is rather unlikely. If he is, then I want to know why, because that is very much out of character.

20

There is a significant difference between ‘playing’ and ‘being a jerk’. Two boys playing in art class, while admittedly not appropriate behavior, necessitates not a formal letter home to the parents, something that needs to be signed, returned and put in theor file. The teacher needs to remind them to stay on task, perhaps separate them. The note home was overkill. Formal punishment is ridiculous.