If the school/government is able to get involved over the “truancy,” then that means that they were also able to get involved over the bullying, and didn’t. Is the idea of a kid staying home from school more objectionable to them than the idea of a kid being physically abused in school? If this is the case, I think most higher authorities (higher than the school, I mean) will be sympathetic to you, not them. You need to get a lawyer on your side…and definitely contact your congressman and representative.
Acid Lamp, while I understand why you’re so passionate in your replies, I think you’re crossing the line into rudeness and being really aggressive (especially considering Alice replied to your first fiery post with politeness and sincerity.
I get that you very much relate to her son and what he’s going through, but Alice is not your mom. Stop taking out your anger and frustration on her. It’s not fair.
Thanks, zweisamkeit. I don’t want to take on anybody else to fight right now, and I understand that Acid Lamp has an emotional reaction to the subject, so I wasn’t going to say anything, but yes, that got uncomfortable.
I’m pretty satisfied with what I’m doing right now- as I said, we’re taking it day by day, and if things go back to being bad, now I have even more strategies for dealing with it, plus I will be able to say, “Look, I did try, I’m not unreasonable.” I trust my son to let me know if it gets bad again, and I trust myself to take it to the next level, whatever that is, right away.
Alice, Jesus, my heart is breaking just reading this. I don’t have anything to say except good luck to you and your boy.
Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re approaching this calmly, and anyone who tells you you’re not doing enough isn’t worth listening to.
(I know, I’m not a parent, but I don’t think it takes one to be able to see you’re going above and beyond for your kid)
The person who told her she’s not doing enough is the person who went through the same shit her son went through, so…I’d say he is worth listening to. I don’t think he was trying to be mean - he’s just empathizing with your kid.
Mace. After he gets suspended, staying home with him would be the proudest days of my life.
If I’m being aggressive and acerbic it is for good reason. Those who have not endured this type of treatment cannot understand how incredibly damaging it can be to even the toughest of kids. How much more difficult it must be for Alice’s boy who doesn’t have the full toolkit for his age, I shudder to even think. No one deserves that as a child, and I’m living proof of what it can do to you. Before the problems started I was a happy, engaged, empathetic child who made friends easily and enjoyed school. After those years, (which I find difficult to recall because I’ve blocked out most it) I became an aggressive, ill-tempered, cynical, angry young man. Since my parents chose to do effectively nothing about the situation, I adapted in the only way possible. I got tough. I distanced myself from everyone. I attacked before i could ever be hurt again. That ruined all of high school for me, and a good part of college even. I’ve lost jobs over perceived slights and been in more fistfights than most people would ever dream of engaging in. I was not going to be a victim any longer. I have a wife whom I love beyond all measure leave me on the side of the road to walk home after i truly lost my temper in front of once. According to her I was a totally different and extremely scary and dangerous man at that point. She was right. I was in “kill or be killed mode”. It has take YEARS to let some of that go, and medical dismissal from military service because of a stress disorder scarred deep into my those events to bring it to my attention. It has taken years since then to teach myself to chill out and let things go. How much happier, and well ahead i could have been in life if this had not happened I’ve no idea.
Now my first posts in this thread suggested several things that her boy can do himself to help the situation. That is truly the BEST option, since he badly needs real self confidence and the type of self esteem that only personal accomplishment can bring. I suggested they take a hard look at his behaviours and adjust the worst of those that make him a target. I suggested he fight back, which will cause problems and probably a few beat-downs but will eventually stop the problem. I even was reluctantly supportive of their plan to run away from the situation as a change of scenery can make all the difference. Others who have gone through similar situations echoed my advice. Alice has chosen another option, one that neither solves the issue totally nor has provided him with additional real tools to deal with the problem on his own. This fourm is called IMHO for a reason, and while I will always be here to support Alice, and her boy through what will become an even more difficult situation, I do not have to do so through unconditional hugs and fuzzies. I do not approve of her handling of it, I do not feel she has done enough or acted swiftly nor aggressively enough to end this situation, and I fear for her child. Nobody should have to go through that, and I do not wish my experiences to be repeated even once more.
If by “suspended” you mean “expelled and arrested,” then sure.
Why isn’t home schooling an option? Sounds like the best thing for him, I can’t imagine he is actually learning anything in the environment he is in right now. He could concentrate on his behavior issues, therapy and education while being safe and protected. I’m not seeing how that could possibly be a bad thing.
I also think that we expect the educational system to do too much. Dealing with physically disabled, mentally disabled, violent or aggressive kids must be exhausting and emotionally draining for the teachers. I imagine these kids don’t treat the adults in the classroom much better. On top of that, they have to provide all of the kids, including the normal ones, an education and appease all of the parents that want straight A’s for their children without putting in any effort on their parts at home. Funding is being cut and teachers are scorned and belittled in the media lately. I don’t know why anyone would go into education now. My heart breaks for my sister every time she tells me a story of how the disturbed kids in her class assault her and curse at her or threaten to kill her or other students. She has no recourse and is not supported by the administration. She is the kindest and most devoted teacher I’ve ever met and yet she dreads going to work every day and is desperately looking for a way out of the profession.
I am so thankful I went to a private Catholic school where A’s were expected, good behavior was expected and the kids that didn’t tow the line were expelled. I was able to learn and had a superior education to the kids I met when I had to transfer to public school in 9th grade. There I was bullied physically and tormented on a daily basis. I would have loved for those kids to have been at home being dicks to their parents instead of in school harassing other kids. I wish I could have actually learned something in high school instead of watching the teachers cater to the lowest common denominator in every class…and I was in the college prep courses. It’s a sad situation for all involved. I hope my nephews can go to school safe and learn and grow but if this happened to them I would quit my job and home school them myself.
I asked this question, too, earlier in the thread, and Alice indicated that she didn’t feel she could do it. I don’t think it’s fair to push her further on it since homeschooling is a monumental task and some people are not up to it. I don’t know if I could do it. I don’t know that I could explain all the different subjects well enough–especially the math since I’m horrible at it myself. I think it’s fair to assume Alice knows her limitations and respect her decision here.
Homeschooling- I don’t think that I could do it under the best of circumstances. But him with ADD and learning disabilities? I foresee disaster. Honestly, I have a hard enough time helping him with his homework. Also, I work all day long, and I really don’t want him sitting at home all day by himself- when he gets bored, he gets in trouble. I want him out, being active, and learning while I’m at work. Of course, I want him safe and happy, as well.
I’d be knocking down the door of every school and public official I could find: the vice principal, principal, school board, superintendent, city council, county board, state legislature, law enforcement, attorney general, state level education officials, etc.
I’d also be talking to the media. “School turns blind eye to bullying special needs students.”
Out of all those people, I would hope you could find just one who will listen and take action.
I’d try to find an attorney, legal aid, ACLU, etc… At the very least, hopefully they can point you to applicable law that perhaps you could use to get a writ of mandate issued by a court to compel school compliance with the law.
I can’t vouch for this but …
ARIZONA STATE STATUTE (ARS) 15-341(40)
15-341. General powers and duties; immunity; delegation
A. The governing board shall:
- Prescribe and enforce policies and procedures to prohibit pupils from harassing, intimidating and bullying other pupils on school grounds, on school property, on school buses, at school bus stops and at school sponsored events and activities that include the following components:
(a) A procedure for pupils to confidentially report to school officials incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying.
(b) A procedure for parents and guardians of pupils to submit written reports to school officials of suspected incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying.
© A requirement that school district employees report suspected incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying to the appropriate school official.
(d) A formal process for the documentation of reported incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying, except that no documentation shall be maintained unless the harassment, intimidation or bullying has been proven.
(e) A formal process for the investigation by the appropriate school officials of suspected incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying.
(f) Disciplinary procedures for pupils who have admitted or been found to have committed incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying.
(g) A procedure that sets forth consequences for submitting false reports of incidents of harassment, intimidation or bullying.
I was bullied quite badly at school for a couple of years. It only ended because “they” realised that I was capable of fighting back. But it sounds like that’s not an option here.
I don’t want to suggest anything illegal, but the OP would be quite within her rights to ask her son who are the ringleaders in the bullying and devote as much time to (legally) badgering their parents as the bullies do to humiliating her son.
Find out where those little SOB’s live, and every time you hear that they’ve bullied your son go around and knock on their parents door at 3 AM in the morning. That is legal. Call the parents of the bullies at their workplace a dozen times a day. That is legal. Call their boss at their workplace a dozen times a day. That is legal.
Don’t break the law, but annoy the hell out of the parents of the bullies as much as you can.
I’m only suggesting this as a last resort, but it’s an option.
Here is a story of a student bullying restraining order with media outreach.
You might want to check with a local attorney about harassment laws, etc. and the legality of all that.
That’s interesting. Sounds like something I would do if he started getting death threats- will keep this in mind.
And I don’t think that I will be harassing these kids’ parents. I don’t know where you live, but where I live people will kill you, and then go eat a sandwich.
A restraining order my be wise for any kind of threat of severe harm, not just death threats.