Searching for that outlaw shaker of salt…
mmm
Are you reelin’ in the yeast?
Stewin’ away the crime?
Are you gatherin’ up the cheese?
Have you had enough o’ mine?
Elton John:
“Someone shaved my wife tonight, Sugar Bear”
and…
“Me and Susie had so much fun,
holding hands and skipping stones,
had an oboe shelly and a piss on my own…”
For years I wondered what an oboe shelly was. 
Michelle, ma belle,
Someday monkey won’t play piano song,
Play piano song…
When I sing “Mack the Knife” at karaoke, instead of “Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown,” I sing the following line:
“Look out for lovely Miss Linda and old Lucy Brown.”
Why? Well, years ago, when I was singing karaoke, two of the regulars were Jim and Linda. They were good friends, and were both tickled when I inserted Linda’s name into the song. It got to be a habit, and though I haven’t seen Jim and Linda in years, I still sing it that way.
My buddy Tom sings wrong lyrics to just about everything, and I’ve picked up a few over the years. Probably my favourite is Elton John’s “Sad Songs”:
‘Reach into your room,
Woah oh oh oh
Just feel their genitals…’
Give it a listen, it REALLY sounds like that’s what he’s sayings.
Thanks,
thwartme
Me, too. Whenever the original of this comes along, SWMBO tells me to shut up before the first verse starts. 
Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Jed
He killed the family pets to keep the family fed
Shoved a skewer up the ass and out through the nose,
And with the leftovers he made a casserole…
Lyrics I made up to “Three Ravens” involving a dead gangbanger rather than a knight:
Yonder comes the pregnant ho
As great with young as she might go
She bore him up upon her rump
And threw him in the city dump
(Insert a few down derrys)
I don’t care too much for monkeys; monkeys can’t buy me lunch.
Me too!! Chickens, Muppets. (I wish I’d seen this when Cliffy posted it a year ago.)
Not because I’m an insufferable hipster, but because it’s from 1931.
You Forgot Your Gloves is a song about a guy who swipes a woman’s gloves so he’ll see her again.
Real version: There’s a chance if you receive them, dear, that you’ll leave them, dear, again.
Doug’s version: There’s a chance if you retrieve them, dear, that you’ll leave them here again.
I come to you with broken arms…
From John Lennon’s “Woman.”
Woman, I can hardly express
My mixed emotions as I peek down your dress.
I bumped into this one day on youtube and whoever did this was pretty clever. It never fails to make me laugh.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlwrgAnx6Q8
Crazy thing happening to link. If you’re interested go to youtube and search for cartoon version of “O Fortuna.”
About 6 months ago, a friend and I were discussing how offensive and disgusting we found the porn-site related acronym LBFM. (If you don’t know it what it means, consider yourself lucky. Allow yourself to retain some hope for humanity and don’t look it up).
On the way back from lunch, the Black Keys song “Little Black Submarines” came on the radio. Without saying a word, we both starting giggling. “Oh my god, it scans perfectly!!” “This song is ruined forever!” 6 months later, I still can’t not hear it that way.
Thanks to chaperoning a middle school field trip, I now hear the opening line of Justin Bieber’s “Beauty and a Beat” as
Suck you off, tonight I wanna suck you off
“I was born in a cross-eyed hurricane.”
Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel
When a poor man came in sight
Playing with his tool
“Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear”