Nancy Reagan: “Don’t Cry for me Santa Barbara”
Smoke gets in your eyes…
They told me it was true
that baby sh!t was blue,
I did not know what they mean
I told them it was green
When smoke gets in your eyes.
Alphie:
What’s that in your pool, Algae?
M Jackson: People, on the dance floor, really get it on…
People, with the bush dogs, really get it on
“We Three Kings”:
Never grieving, still deceiving
Star of wonder, star of might
First star that I see tonight
I wish I may I wish I mi-ight
Have this wish I wish tonight
Great, I won’t be able to listen to the song the same way again.
Rolling in the sheeeeep!
I could really use a briiiiick!
Oh, no I need some wheeeeeat!
Does anyone, anyone have some wood for sheep?
Don’t go out tonight, you’re bound to lose your life- there’s a bathroom on the right
Baby, you don’t have to limp like a refugee
Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”, it comes out as “Bathrobe Dance”.
Ever since I saw this parody of it, I cannot hear Lady Gaga’s song “Butterface” without thinking how much better the alternate lyrics are 
I rather like this one. Not that I ever hear Pokerface on the radio.
I prefer my own lyrics to “Fuel for thought” - the original is so incomprehensible after a time I didn’t even try to figure out what she thought she was singing, and let my imagination roam free.
“Friends, you can cure the Ford
Now I’m no longer beautiful
But that’s OK
I’m just lemonade
And other stupid love songs”
I sing “girl” instead of “boy”
Just around the cornea
there’s a rainbow in the eye;
This is called chromatic aberration,
this will be corrected by and by.
I also have a more or less inadvertent satanic version of the hymn “Of the Father’s Love Begotten”, born of back-to-back-double-Easter-services-induced exhaustion when I used to sing in a church choir, that is too offensive to repeat here. The lines “When the virgin full of grease/By the Holy Goat conceiving” will give you a flavor of it, though.
“She was a fax machine…”
Master of Puppets by Metallica. I keep singing it Master of Muppets.
Whenever I hear Tom Petty’s “Rebel” I always sing “I was Barney Rubble”.
My Maserati does one eighty-four;
I lost my license, I don’t drive no more.
And if you can’t be
with the one you love, honey:
Spud the Wonder Whip
Across the streams of hopes and dreams
Where chicks are really hot
“…a kiss from a rose on the grave.”
The original lyric in Seal’s “Kiss From a Rose” is “a kiss from a rose on the gray”. I originally mondegreened it as “grave”, and later decided that I preferred my version.
I also change the first two lines in the final verse of “The Dark Lady” to
“And now late at night, when a storm fills the sky,
A lone ship can be seen, sailing in its eye.”
That’s a fairly large change from the original (as best I can tell), but it’s much closer to the version I first heard from the Shantyman; the only change I made to that version is swapping “ghost” for “lone”. It seems to me that it works better that way, and it saves “ghost” for the final chorus.
I can’t believe it’s NOT “a kiss from a rose on a grave.” I refuse to.
“Police nabbed my Dad,” for Feliz Navidad. Every time.
"Children roasting on an open fire,
“Jack Frost nipping at their toes…”
I knew a friend of a friend’s sister who used to sing along to Metallica’s “Shortest Straw”.
But she used to sing “Soda Straw” and take sips from her soda can and make suggestive …um… gestures with her mouth after singing.
Hell, she was cute but stupid, and I didn’t want to correct her. Especially since we had a history.
Rihanna: We found love in a homeless place.
Kings of Leon: Your spaceship’s on fire
Metallica: Planetarium
“But there’s a warm wind blowing the stars around/And I’d really love to see you tonight…”
Far more obscurely, there’s a novelty Christmas song sung in a Swedish accent called, “Oh, I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas”. Anyone remember a Hanna-Barbera cartoon called Journey to the Center of the Earth? The villain was Swedish, and according to the narrator, had a “brute-like servant, Torg.” So whenever we hear the song, my husband and I sing,
“Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas/With my brute-like servant, Torg…”