In Dublin’s fair city, where girls are so pretty,
I first set my eye on sweet Molly Malone.
As she wheeled her wheelbarrow
Through streets broad and narrow,
Crying “Cockles and mussels, alive, alive-o!”
When I was in grades 1-3, the nuns would play a record of songs that were A.A. Milne poems set to music (either from When We Were Very Young or Now We Are Six (maybe both). Standouts included:
The Changing of the Guard (They’re changing guard at Buckingham Palace/Christopher Robin went down with Alice)
Vespers (Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed/Droops over little hands little gold head/Hush!Hush! Whisper, who dares?/Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.)
Disobedience (James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George DuPree/Took good care of his mother, though he was only three)
There was also one about a King wanting some butter on his bread at breakfast, but the cow wanted to go to bed, and tried to argue that marmalade would be better. I can’t remember the name of that one, but I did learn what a porringer was.
(Also, is an Alderney a breed of milk cow? Or the stable/barn where the cows get milked?)
Some day I’m going to start an anti-syphilis nonprofit, and that’ll be its name.
What would you call one that concentrates on gonorrhea?
No, but we had a song about diarrhea:
Ex. (set to baseball)
Sliding into first and your pants begin to burst, diarrhea, diarrhea. (there are verses about each base)
Some thing it’s funny but it’s really good and yummy.
That’s The Kings Breakfast.
The King asked the Queen
And the Queen asked the Dairymaid
“Could we have some butter for the Royal slice of Bread”?
I don’t know about an Alderney - but I do know that it is one of the Channel Islands - which include Jersey and Guernsey, so I’d guess you are probably on the right track.
(PS - I can also quote James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George DuPree - in full, in a very loud and annoying voice. Yes, I am seven years old - still).
From the midwest (Illinois and Wisconsin), mid '70s, to the melody of Strangers in the Night:
Strangers in the night
Exchanging rubbers
This one is too tight
I’ll try another
This one is too loose
But it will hold the juuuuuuuuice
I will also note that we sang this at the top of our lungs at age 9 or so, before we actually knew about sex. 
I remember a lot of these songs, but I think I learned most of them from my mother, who sang to us a lot. A few from school - The Maple Leaf Forever was a regular one.
The NFB animated short is very funny, and won’t bum you out at all!
Anyone remember “Casey and Murphy”?
One day I was singing that in the back seat of the car. My father turned around and gave me a smack that I can still feel to this day.
Yeah, I found a Wikipedia article about Alderney cattle that mentioned the breed is now extinct, Alderney dairy cows having been moved to Guernsey when the Channel Islands were occupied by the Germans during WWII. Some were interbred with the local cow breeds, and the remaining ones were eaten by the Germans when the supply lines became problematic.
Fuckin’ Nazis.
Just when you start thinking ‘the Nazis weren’t all bad’ - they get the bloody cows as well.
Fuckin’ Nazis.
Took great care of his mother, though he was only three?
