This stupid fucker is finally leaving, He moved into my house quite some time ago and I cannot wait till he leaves. At first things were fine then one day I tried to play a tape on my VCR, “hmmmmm it doesn’t work let me take it apart and see whats up” I open the VCR and it’s really fucking sticky! “What the fuck?” I ask my other roommate if he has any ideas, and he has no idea whats up. So that leaves motherfucker, turns out he spilled a big jug of iced tea on it. I find this out from my other roommate a few days later, ok I’m pissed but no biggie I don’t bring it up figuring he knows it’s broken and he will replace it, fix it or tell me how sorry he is. 3 fucking months later he tells me he “thinks he broke” the VCR and he will fix it, now I’m not an electronic wizard but if you empty a jar of iced tea on a VCR it will break, no fucking thinking involved. A few months later I go on vacation in Ireland for 2 weeks (still no VCR) when I get back I find out stupid fuckwad let someone sleep in MY room on MY bed, oh I’m sorry dipfuck your guest must have been too good for the couch downstairs or the OTHER room that is yours , yes he has 2 rooms both small but I think he could use the air mattress we have for his guest. I yell at him when I see him his reply is “but she was hot”. I don’t give a fuck if she was grade-A jerkoff material, my room is the only place in the house where I have my own space nobody is allowed in my room unless I invite them. Now it’s been almost a year since my VCR was trashed, my other roommate and I have enjoyed making his life a living hell and what do I find when I get home yesterday a VCR! But don’t get all excited it’s a cheap VCR made by RCA (my old VCR was a great hi-fi Panasonic model). What shithead first tried to do was give me a computer for the VCR, no problem I thought till I saw the computer, I think it was his girlfriend’s computer that she got before she went off to college 5 years ago. So Mr. Asswipe is trying to pawn off to me a outdated computer that can only be used to type term papers that he didn’t even pay for! Don’t even get me started how he is always late for the rent even though I’ll leave him a note 2 weeks in advance telling him when it is due. Oh what the hell why not, Sir I’ve-got-a-giant-log-up-my-ass-alot (I’m running out of names here) appears to work every day at a glassblowing studio, turns out he gets free blowing time if he watches the studio and gets paid only if he teaches a class, apparentlyt he teaches about 4 classes a month. Fuckhead is 34 years old, now I’m sorry but if you were 21 years old I could understand you not knowing how to get your priorities straight but cum-for-brains is older than me, I fucking know that the most important thing is to make sure you can cover your bills, then you can fuck off and do shit that you don’t get paid for. I feel so sorry for the poor people who are going to be his new roommates, Even his girlfriend wouldn’t let him move in.
Yes I know we should have kicked his out early on, but we are a couple of nice guys who did not mind paying lower rent even though we were living with a inconsiderate-smelly-ignorant-fucking-asshole. After thaking months of abuse he is leaving, I think we will have a big party.
Satisfying, too.