Kelli – it appears we’re in substantial agreement. No blanket statement or ‘policy’, especially one based on ‘studies’ can address the full range of individual circumstances.
But I’m not sure what you’re arguing here –
In yer first example, ‘Kelli’ and her brother grow to be gainfully employed citizens of outward moral character. But, in this example, ‘Kelli’, by her own admission, suffers measurable damage from her upbringing which manifests itself in her approach to and satisfaction in her relationships. ‘Kelli’s’ perspective is irreparably skewed.
Ditto Example #2 – in both situations the sins of the parents are visited on the child (‘Kelli’) in either tangible or intangible ways. Lacking the example and environment of a ‘traditional’ household, a child will never know what he has been deprived of, and will of course either defend or condemn, if only out of personal pride.
I’m in no position to draw the conclusion ye’ve invited – to select between personal choice and the ‘doom’ visited upon ye by others is entirely up to the amount of responsibility one wishes to take for the course of one’s own life. The statistics, such that they are, would indeed indicate that you were at high risk to repeat the pattern. But the statistics by no means created a ‘fate’, preventing you from joining the many who have escaped the patterns.
What is best for the child is a subject that holds as many nuances as there are circumstances, and I’d be a pure fool to try to take on such a broad subject here. I mean, this is a feckin’ Message Board fer pity’s sake!
On the other hand, (wink), HEY! Rob Roy! Ye think single gay parents SHOULD get kids? Where in the bleedin’ hell do ye think they should get them from?
Dr. Watson
“We need education in the obvious more than investigation of the obscure.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I am a single parent… yes, I am… that doesnt make me a goddess parent. However, I am raising a special needs child, who is a loving, well adjusted little boy.
He sees his father one night a week and every second weekend, actually spending more time with him now than when we were a “family unit”. When we all lived together, my ex didnt have the time of day for our son. Although it may be too little, too late, mr. ex is now making an effort to be a “father”. I have no love loss for this man, however, I make sure never to bad mouth him in front of our son, in fact, I make an effort to build up the visits, in hopes of making it a positive experience.
My son’s village consists of many people who love him. My brother, the doting uncle who can’t get enough of him and takes him to do guy stuff and ensures he has an additional and positive male influence in his life, several very close friends who are like family and he cant wait to see everytime they come by. There are also cousins, teachers, his aide at school, his after school care giver, a very close friend of my mom’s who is a surrogate grandmother and takes him on overnight dates and his music therapist who can sometimes get him to respond in ways no other can. I dont pawn my son off on anyone, I try to expand his world and fill it with loving and positive influences. I believe he has just as big an impact on the people’s lives he touches as they have on his.
All of these people, including myself have an incredible impact on my son’s life in so many different ways, and he knows that he is loved and he loves each and every one of them back.
My hats off to the villagers.
We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another
I’d be a double fool, Sue, to do anything other than take me own hat off to you, and congratulate you fer addressing a difficult situation with maturity and aplomb.
But you’ll forgive me if I feel as if I’ve just stepped into a Bosch painting. Are we to make our arguments here entirely on the accumulation of singularities?
Ye present yet another fine example of the ability of a diligent individual to outwit the odds, and I suppose that on this Board the ‘average’ of the experiences and the generally intelligent responses to circumstance would exceed the ‘mean’. But even in and around yer own lives, ye must surely understand that the only reason folks bother to conduct ‘studies’ and gather ‘statistics’ is because the majority lack the ability to discriminate quite so thoughtfully.
(Condemn that last thought at will, but were we not self-styled ‘intellectual elitists’, we’d not be communicating here in the first place.)
Truth be told, yer ‘Village’ is one of yer own construction, and consists largely of friends, family, and hired help. This is as it should be and has always been, regardless of ‘special needs’. I take nothing away from those who could have walked away, and cast no aspersions, but submit that it is more through strength of individual effort than organized compulsion that ye mark yer successes.
We’ve come a long way from the OP, which seemed to submit simply that it was unfair for the rich and influential to be able to ‘buy’ children. Representing is also obscuring, and perhaps this has been the wrong place for this thread after all.
Dr. Watson.
"Too late at night – rainchecks on clever lines are available at the main office . . . "
Crick, you have some good points… altho… one thing I will point out to you, is that my son’s “village” wasnt one that I “constructed” but rather one that evolved, through friendships and the growth of family mostly… and the hired help, well they are part of everyday life, part of our educational system, and in the case of the music therapist, a recreational activity, much like baseball would be to a child physically able to play baseball. In our specific case, music therapy is a communication tool but is put into a fun activity so that children involved don’t feel that they are constantly in some kind of “therapy”.
As for the OP, I posted earlier that a friend of mine was able to adopt a child after many years or waiting. They are your average every day joes, one a teacher, one a nurse. They are comfortable, but by no means rich. I don’t agree that the “rich” should have any upper hand in adoption, but…if they are a good parent, being single or married, then any child is lucky to have them as a parent.
God knows there are many many children in this world waiting to be adopted, the sad part is that most people wanting to adopt only want babies,so there remain, many children wanting and needing the nurturing of a good and responsible parent, with or without that extra financial luxury.
We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another