Hey Byzantine, I’m a newbie 'round here, but being a single mom, I thought I could give you some insight.
So let’s not beat around the bush - single parenting is HARD. It’s hard every single day. And it doesn’t get easier as the child gets older, either…in fact, in some ways, it’s more difficult as they grow. If you have a strong support network - parents, friends, SOs, whatever - that can help when your child is sick, doctor/dentist visits if you can’t make them, taking the baby for an evening when you need to get out without puke on your clothes - it can be done, but it is never easy. Luckily for me, I have tremendously supportive parents living nearby, and if I had to go through this alone I honestly don’t know if I could have.
Money was, and still is, a big concern. You have your upfront costs (OB/GYN visits and labor and delivery costs), then medical care, clothes, furniture, food (breast milk is free!), child care costs if you can’t stay at home…the list is endless. Nearly seven years after the fact, I’m making pretty good money, and it’s still a struggle sometimes to provide for myself and my son.
If you or your SO can’t stay at home, there’s child care. I’m a working single mom, and this has proven to be the thorniest issue since my son was born. I was home with him the first three months (thanks to my parents’ support), and worked part-time until he was 2 1/2. Since then I’ve been full-time. I thought his starting school would make it easier, but then you’ve got summer vacation, holidays, weird days off and half-days to deal with, plus the gap between the end of the school day and the time you can pick them up. This won’t stop being an issue until your child is old enough to take care of himself…a long, long time.
My typical day with my first-grader is:
6:30 a.m. - Wake up, shower.
6:45 a.m. - Wake AJ up, get him dressed, fix breakfast.
7:00 a.m. - Get dressed and ready for work.
7:20 a.m. - Run to catch the school bus.
7:30 a.m. - Leave for work.
12:30 - 1:30 - Use lunch hour to buy stamps, grocery shop online, buy new hat for one AJ lost, make doctor/dentist appointments (or attend, for me), etc., etc. Oh, and eat lunch.
5:00 p.m. - Run out the door at work.
5:45 p.m. - Pick AJ up at afterschool program.
6:00 p.m. - Fix dinner.
6:30 p.m. - Eat and catch up on day.
7:30 p.m. - Begin coaxing AJ to do homework. Wash dishes/start laundry at laundromat/try to clean house. Sort of.
8:00 p.m. - Help AJ with homework while paying bills.
8:30 p.m. - Watch Cartoon Network with AJ. Hey, Scooby!
9:00 p.m. - Get AJ in bath.
9:30 p.m. - Get AJ in bed.
10:00 p.m. - Attempt to finish chores started earlier in the day. Get “last call” in to boyfriend, begin to relax and feel sane again and…
Midnight - Go to sleep.
Lather, rinse, repeat. Then add in doctor/optometrist/dental appointments (try to find a dentist with weekend or evening hours!), the volunteer work you REALLY want to do, occasional social obligations, school assemblies, report card pick up, ad infinitum.
Even knowing all that, I’m so glad every minute that I had AJ. He’s everything in the world to me, and seeing him happy is the best I’ve ever felt. Do I think it’s the best choice for everyone? Of course not. Kids are hard enough with both parents - when you have no one around to hand off the responsibilities to, even for a minute, the emotional toll it can exact is huge. I know I’ve gone to the zoo mentally a couple of times. Think about it a lot, and be honest with yourself, before you make the final choice. Are you willing to give everything else up to have a child? I was a lot younger (18) than you when I had my son, so many things will be different in your experience, but the biggest sacrifices - your emotional presence (best phrase I could come up with) and your time -will be the hardest things to manage. But there’s nothing like being a mom. Good luck!