I’ve been an avid reader (lurker) of the SDMB for several months now, even though for some reason I never bothered to sign up until this summer.
In that time, I’ve come to find that many, many Dopers give really terrific advice and counsel to others. This is a good thing.
Here’s my situation. This spring I broke my leg while riding (well, OK, actually crashing) my motorcycle. It happens. I’ve had a couple of surgeries to install and then replace screws in my ankle and I’ve been in and out of a cast for about 12 weeks now. I’m getting really good at crutches.
It’s my left leg that’s injured, so I can’t drive my regular vehicle (a Jeep with a 5 speed - can’t operate the clutch) and I can’t ride the bike - mostly because of the broken leg, but partly because it’s my shifter leg that’s injured, so I can’t operate that vehicle. I can’t pedal a bicycle either, so I can’t even enjoy that simple diversion.
All summer long, I’ve been driving borrowed or rented cars with automatic transmissions. I have my groceries delivered (thank you Safeway.com) and I have friends who are helping out with yard work, cleaning and such. I hate all of this - I can hardly do anything for myself right now.
So, maybe it’s just the frustration of having an entire summer go away while I’m laid up, but I feel plain rotten a lot of the time - in what way, you ask? That’s what’s got me baffled - I don’t feel bad about the broken leg, it’ll heal. I feel rotten about not being able to play with my toys (my bike, my Jeep, my bicycles, etc.)
I don’t consider myself a materialistic person and I always put this thing in perspective - my leg is still ATTACHED. My spine is intact. My head is intact. Broken bones heal and my injuries are heling very well now that everything’s held together properly.
So even with all that, I still find myself getting angry when I see other motorcyclists on the road - angry in that it’s NOT ME riding with them. I get frequently pissed off that I can’t go out on the weekends and play in the dirt. And in some weird way, it comes back to an identification that I make between myself and my possesions. It’s as if it’s not enough that I didn’t die in May when I crashed.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that my injuries ARE minor (relatively speaking) and that I’m just overly frustrated about missing the summer. But the thing that keeps nagging at me is this silly feeling that “I love my bike and I can’t ride it!”
Anyway, all of this has me feeling very weird and unsettled. I feel alternately angry and ashamed. Angry because I’m missing out on the fun - ashamed for feeling angry for missing out on the fun.
Thoughts? Therapy? Recommendations for a great bottle of scotch?