I think at this point I’d do two things: make an appointment with the pediatrician to have the little one checked out, with specific attention to that question; and start looking for another daycare. I’m not saying they’re not good, but if I’m reading this right, the child was unhappy there for a whole year. Or at least unhappy about being left there. And now they’re handing out this diagnosis. Maybe he is, but maybe it would be to his benefit to get a fresh start. And it couldn’t hurt to have another set of observations.
I’ve never been one to rush to the doctor with every little problem, and I’m still a little perturbed at the NP who refused my son’s measles booster because she said he had a sinus infection, almost on the spur of the moment and without listening to anything I said, but something this important? I don’t think you mess around with it. If nothing else, a doctor could set Spazurek’s mind at ease and let him tell the daycare people it’s really just his son being himself.
I, too, hate to get in this fight since I saw but did not completely read the original thread; howwever, when this happens to me, I go back and get the names (or fact or wording needed) and edit to add them.
Abby_Emma_Sasha did it at least twice, the first saying she couldn’t find his name and the second adding “whatever his name is.”
Normal, ordinary toddlers year olds who have had stay at home parents often have long term separation issues with daycare. Switching daycare on a kid who has had his life turned upside down with a move, Mommy going to work, etc. would likely do more harm than good.
I agree with the content of this pitting. I think spazurek’s personal ideas relating to labels, (which I think goes labels=conformist=bad, I might be oversimplifying), are putting his child at risk. Autism is not a quirk, it’s a serious impairment that needs to be treated early and vigorously. I disagree that labels are inherently bad, but, even if they are, the child will not be exposed to it in any way. Only the doctor and the parent will see. If the child does have autism, he’s going to need to learn to live with it, and not be sheltered from it and simply embraced as being ‘special.’
I dont agree with the purpose of this pitting. For all I think spazurek is misguided, he’s clearly a very loving and caring parent who is trying his darndest to do right by his kid. While I may think he’s suffering from a case of the la-la-la-la-I-cant-hear-yooouu-la-la-la’s, I dont see what a pitting will do to help anyone in this situation. Spazurek needs support, attention, and maybe even logical discussion, NOT a thrashing. In all honesty, I was actually going to pit him myself, but I changed my mind for the reasons discussed above (and featherlou persuaded me not to :P).
IMHO - The people who really need to be pitted are the day care people. No, they didn’t pull the parents aside to share concerns. They WAITED TILL THE SCHEDULED PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE to drop a god damn bomb shell.
So, they are concerned enough to think the kid has autism, but not quite so concerned that they say anything to the parents earlier than scheduled ? How is that responsible in any way? I imagine the guy spent from August/September till now bringing his son to day care, smiling and waving at the teachers, exchanging a little small talk perhaps, musing about the nature of labels and intrinsic being and personhood. Then, during their parent teacher conferences, when they were expecting to hear about learning colors and sorting shapes, they get, “Oh, and by the way, we think your son might be autistic.”
I can’t blame him for being a little circumspect about this “professional” opinion. After all, wouldn’t any reasonable person TELL a parent about concerns of this nature as soon as they saw the behaviors that concerned them. Early intervention and all…
To deliver a judgement of this impact in this way makes it, at its core, extremely unbelievable. It’s to the parents credit about their concerns for their son (and no doubt their guilt about leaving him so long) that they didn’t blow the teachers off immediately.
I can’t speak for the geographical location, but there are legal ramifications there. In Arizona, each teacher secretly fills out a checklist for every single student in the classroom, and if in the course of the screening, several teachers have noted the same characteristics, that child is referred for special education testing. It would be, at the very least, frowned upon if I took it upon myelf to call up a parent and said that I thought the student needed testing. At the worst, I could be in serious trouble. I don’t know what the requirements for the daycare are, but I am relatively confident they’re not as simple as you think.
I was a misdiagnosed ADHD kid in the early nineties. Turns out that I DO have a mild condition called a non verbal learning disorder. It presents a little like mild ADHD. Guess what happened to me? Loads of doctor visits, lots of drugs which all failed to help, or made me feel ill, and mum blaming everything on ADD. It sucks pretty hard when you realize that you can get away with acting an ass, because it’s not your fault. It actually is a pretty hard blow to your self-esteem. You DO start thinking that your defective. I’m a stubborn ox though and maintained that I did NOT have ADD, and finally I was properly diagnosed. Consider carefully. If The kid isn’t showing signs of significant impairment it might be a little prudent to give him some time to see if he catches up. He’s TWO for og’s sake, not 5 and rocking in a corner all day. I’ve known two year olds who don’t speak much who turn into tri-lingual three year olds.
Most autistic kids don’t “rock in corners all day” and drugs don’t work on autism. But I see your point- of course a diligent parent seeks out a number of informed opinions before deciding on a course of action.
The point of early intervention is that the earliest years give you the most “bang for your buck.” Three years of early intervention from ages 2-5 will yield much greater results than 3 years from ages 5-8. You cannot get those early years back once they have passed, and intervention later on doesn’t yield the same results.
Lots of Dopers are assuming that the daycare providers are well-qualified to share some meaningful observations in a value-neutral manner. That’s not necessarily true at all.
It’s entirely possible that they have agendas of their own. Why wouldn’t they have shared this sooner, and in a less threatening manner? Why hasn’t anyone else in little Andrew’s life noticed something is amiss?
And it’s also clear that spazurek has issues with this labeling business - quite possibly for good reasons.
One of my cousin’s first teachers (first grade? second grade?) told her mother that she seemed to be “retarded”. This is the same cousin who has a Ph.D. and is a teacher and musician. She still carries that “I’m defective” label inside, though.
The whole issue has pushed spazurek’s buttons, which is absolutely normal. That’s what happens, when you have kids; it brings out ALL kinds of issues. It makes everybody crazy. I think it was incredibly courageous of him to share his experience here.
Forget about color schemes for the nursery and registering for the baby shower: This is what parenting is REALLY like.
I wasn’t suggesting that they just wait an see until he’s five and showing obvious symptoms; just that he’s only two, and that kids develop at different rates. If I remember the OP correctly the providers were concerned because he hadn’t reached certain three year old milestones yet. Well he isn’t three, he’s two and a half. So as long as he isn’t significantly behind anywhere I wouldn’t take the steps until he shows an obvious issue. If at three/three and half he’s still behind then you haven’t lost too much time, if he’s caught up then you’ve done right by the kid.
spazurek’s real “crime,” if you will, was posting about his concerns while he was still processing the information he took out of the daycare meeting.
Hearing negative and potentially serious information about your child’s health, development, and behavior can be a shock. It can bring out all kind of feelings–worry, guilt, blame, denial, defensiveness, and worse.
To the extent that these things may have came through spazurek’s post, I find it understandable. It’s a lot to deal with. When discussing an issue like this initially, you may not be your best self.
I think it would be premature to assume that his reaction, as posted the board, tells any of us much about what kind of person he is, or what kind of father he is.
Ok, this is beyond annoying. People give advice or respond to things on here ALL THE TIME when they don’t have DIRECT experience with the situation. I’ve never been married, but I can have an opinion about a situation dealing with marriage. People give advice about jobs here who don’t have jobs. Etc, etc.
Please climb off your high horse about children. Some people may have an education in child development, or a metric crapload of nieces an nephews, or have been a nanny for 10 years, or maybe just has common sense and an opinion. To insinuate that one must have a child to have a valid opinion is foolish.
The first time (or second) you did it I thought it was no big deal. Now that you want to play stupid (or are you?) with the “or whatever he is called is” I realize you’re either really thick or you’re a childish little shit. You’re behaving like a petulant child.
Sometimes those with the best intentions are the biggest bullies. I think in this case, people who wanted to help fell into the trap of trying to control the outcome by any means possible. Did Spazurek deserve to be treated the way he was in that thread? Hell no. That he was pitted as a bad parent because he wanted to do what he believed was best for his child is unconscionable, and no claims of worthy intent can excuse it.
Not on a high-horse. Don’t have any kids. Don’t want 'em. Frankly, **Spazurek **can do what the hell he chooses with his child. No skin off my ass. And hence the reason I DIDN’T GIVE AN OPINION on the subject - I don’t have any experience with children, so why add hot air to the already semi-volatile situation?? Seems useless and silly to me…
And FTR, none of those people you mention are PARENTS. I think the experience and opinions are different of those offering advice about things they have NO EXPERIENCE IN and those that have “been there, done that.” NightRabbit wasn’t really being very constructive with her “opinion/advice.” She came across as an ass, in MY opinion.
Was just giving the OP a warning about the “WONT SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN” people and how they were going to respond to the OP.
This is where our opinions start to differ - I think he’s getting the treatment he’s getting because he’s coming off as someone who is putting his own agenda ahead of his child’s well-being.
I agree with everything said in the OP and am glad that it was posted. But, I doubt that anyone thinks that Spazurek has got an easy situation here. I’m sure that finding yourself in this situation, regardless of whether or not your child actually has autism, can be disorienting.
Reading through Spazurek’s thread, I was left with the same impression as NightRabbit - that Spazurek was going to basically just disregard the input from the daycare providers, because he didn’t agree with their assessment. I think that a decision like this, made for the reasons provided, deserves to be challenged.
I think that Spazurek doesn’t want to have his child evaluated because he is afraid of what the results may be. IMO, this is no different than a situation in which a woman discovers a lump in her breast, but decides not to have it examined by a doctor because it might be cancer.
NightRabbit - your OP was dead on.
Spazurek - I really hope you consider having your child evaluated by a mental health professional. I know it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be for the best.
