I don’t think there’s any crime at all; he seems to have posted to help process the information and his thoughts and emotions surrounding it.
No, I haven’t gotten a PM from spazurek, and I wouldn’t care if I did. IMO, starting a thread about a possible health theat to your child and then turning it into a misguided philosophical imperative against dealing with that health threat is disgusting and deserves to be pitted. I like how he began his OP by detailing how “over” educated he is, as if that makes a difference. He’s being a jackass, he has no leg to stand on, and he knows it, which he why he bowed out of his MPSIMS thread.
How do we know they haven’t? How was sharing the information threatening? How do we know that the information wasn’t shared at the earliest appropriate opportunity?
Better question…what does it matter? We’re talking about testing for autism, not anything more. As others have said, the daycare people don’t need to be notified about it. The only thing Spazurek is out is the cost of the autism test…no one needs to know the results.
What other agenda could they possibly have that would make sense here? To get Spazurek to spend more money that isn’t going to them? Secretly in league with all of the autism testing doctors in the county?
Because in the OP of the thread that this one is pitting Spazurek specifically said:
"*So anyway, my wife and I went in for our first parent-teacher conference on Wednesday with those two teachers I really like (liked, I should say). I was really excited to hear what he’s like around other kids and to get a good overview of his development from people who have seen a lot more two-year-olds than I have. We were expecting something to the effect of ‘he’s a really great, fun-loving, sweet kid, here are some stats on his motor, cognitive, etc. development, thanks for coming’. Instead:
They sit us down in a very serious atmosphere. They say ‘well, Andrew’s doing okay, but we have concerns about him’. "*
To clarify -
Spazurek went into his first parent teacher conference with teachers he indicated that he liked. He was absolutely shocked by what they had to say - which indicates to me that they hadn’t even hinted that there might be a problem earlier.
I would like to thank everyone who contributed to this thread for reminding me why I don’t want to be a parent.
I am not suggesting that Spazurek not have his child screened by a pediatrician. The problem is that assessment provides age references that indicate typical behaviors observed in children. There is a range of normal development. The younger the child, the more difficult it is to assess normal development and accurately predict later cognitive functioning. Unless the child is falling well below the norm – especially in language development - or has an obvious medical diagnosis, assessment of toddlers should be interpreted with caution and labels avoided. I have a problem with the daycare providers throwing around the word autism. It is unprofessional. The care providers could have simply recommended screening for developmental delays instead of offering a diagnosis. I would be furious if it were my kid.
I find it interesting that most people are ignoring the fact that Spazurek acted incredibly pretentious throughout the thread about things that really didn’t have much to do with parenting, like this response to a perfectly reasonable philisophical point by Yag Rannavach:
and of course the classic:
I find this really odd, and pretty irritating. For someone who claims to be as educated as the law allows (whatever the hell that means - the cops have never come round my door and asked to see my degrees), he sure is narrow minded. 'Cause I know the last thing I learned in my years in school was that your opinion is the only one that counts and listening to reasonable discourse from other people is for suckers!
Oh, and I also don’t get the anger about the daycare provider using the term ‘autistic’. What was she supposed to say - “Your son may have a problem, you should get him tested”? Then spazurek would be left to figure out if they meant that he squints and needs his eyes tested, or that he limps and might have injured himself on the playground, or that he drinks and pees a lot and should be tested for diabetes. How the hell would you bring it up without using the word?
If the kid was sitting the corner flapping (which Jenny McCarthy’s son used to do), then yes, it would make sense to say “We think he might be autistic”.
If they’re concerned about some kind of developmental delay, then it should be described as such. “Early Intervention” is so common nowadays that everyone just calls it “EI” for short.
But based on spazurek’s description, his kid isn’t delayed. My kids never wanted to wear shoes (or any clothes, for that matter) at that age (all us Moms have compared notes on duct tape), and “parallel play” (rather than interacting) is NORMAL.
It’s odd to me that little Andrew’s daycare providers don’t know this.
And it’s fine for Dopers to say “Hey, it doesn’t hurt to get your kid evaluated”, but don’t be mistaken - spazurek IS “being a parent” by not accepting some stranger’s label. Advocating for our children is our job.
Everyone who comes into contact with our kids doesn’t automatically have their best interests at heart. Sometimes they just plain don’t like them.
Yeah, it reminds me of all that noise about Indigo children a few years ago. Your child acts like he’s from another planet! He hates standing in line! He’s Indigo! No, he’s a kid!
Seriously, I think the daycare people are just covering their collective ass. If MiniSpaz is normal, then no harm done. But if he is autistic…well, imagine the shitstorm if they said nothing and Spazurek connected the dots later. Why didn’t they say anything?!
Your child is exhibiting signs of possible developmental delays and I think you should have him screened to rule out any underlying causes.
Or
I observe developmental delays and unusual behavior in Andrew and recommend screening.
There is no need to use the word autism.
There’s no need to not use the word autism, either. If that’s what they suspect, then why dance around it?
And then we’d be getting this whole song and dance from him about them labeling him ‘developmentally delayed’. It’s just as much of a label.
Actually I think the whole thing would have had a lot less steam if they had used that term instead. Autism is a pretty serious diagnosis to toss about, spectrum of functionality aside. Developmentally delayed encompasses a much broader range of issues that doesn’t necessitate a serious lifetime affecting condition that also just happens to be the illness du’jour. A lot of people would take offense at it, not for the least of reasons because it presupposes that you can’t notice a serious condition in your own child. I also agree that the kid is too young to be calling that diagnosis on the basis of what the OP posted.
Spazurek’s pretentiousness doesn’t make him a bad parent, at most it makes him an ass.
Well, as a parent, I prefer when daycare or school tells me what I should be telling the doctor to screen for. I don’t care for a long song and dance around the word “autism” (ours was first speech delay with our son - turned out to be there, but not enough to require intervention - and our daughter’s first grade teacher described her as having “ADD-like behaviors” though not to the extent that the first grade teacher thought she should be screened.) Developmental delay can be so much - if I take my kid to the pediatrician with “daycare has recommended an autism screening” if it is nothing, my ped (who at two and a half was still seeing my kids four times a year at least) would say “this kid! no!” or “hummm, well, I can give you a referral to a specialist.”
Unlike Fessie, I see no reason to believe that daycare teachers in a center who put hundreds of kids through their center would raise an alarm over nothing. They see something different enough in Andrew to raise concerns. And Spazurak has admitted he doesn’t have much experience with other kids - frankly, Andrew is in daycare so much that Spazurak and his wife don’t have that much experience with their own kid. Daycare is seeing this kid for the majority of his waking hours each week and they are far better able to compare him - side by side - with other kids in the room. Perhaps the difference they see is nothing, and the peditrician will say “this kid? no!” Perhaps this is something and early intervention will give this kid a leg up on having a normal childhood.
No, it isn’t. A developmental delay can be caused by a number of things, including neglect. There is a difference between saying the child has delayed development and the child is autistic.
How would a parent feel if a daycare worker said your child does not follow simple directions, use language to communicate, or participate in group activities like story telling and sing along; I think your child might be mentally retarded. The child is taken to the doctor, referred to specialists, and diagnosed with a hearing impairment.
Well, I agree that it mostly makes him an ass, but I think it affects his parenting because he is very focused on himself and his own needs and wants. He doesn’t seem to be thinking about his kids needs and refuses to admit that other people might know more about something - anything - than he does.
What I find surprising is the disdain that some seem to have for day care workers. One went so far as to suggest that they may be in some sort of cahoots with doctors by giving parents possible problems to get checked out. Paranoid much?
Day care providers often spend as much (or more) time than parents do with their children. Why wouldn’t you (general you) respect them and their opinion enough to drop the “I’m a parent, I know!” attitude and listen. We all have challenges in life, a developmental disability doesn’t make your child defective. Suggesting that the child might need testing doesn’t make the day care worker wrong either.
Yeah, really. One wonders why you would have your kid spend 11 HOURS A DAY with someone you found so reprehensible, or someone that you clearly look down on.
And **unconventional **- I understand that there is a huge practical difference between autism and developmental delay, but I really think spazureks reaction would be the same to either - “How dare these plebs dare to imagine they know something about my kid! Or about anything!”
Your other example is interesting -
For one thing, for this to be the same as the case with spazureks son they would have to say “You might want to have your child *tested *for retardation”, which is a world of difference. But, even though I can see how the parent would be upset at the idea, the fact is that something is the matter with their kid, and the attention of daycare workers helped to find that something. Shouldn’t you be at least a bit grateful?