Wait, don’t princesses have to know a lot of manners and stuff?
Your lessons will commence here, once you pass through this door.
So why not come and join us and see what lies in store.
You’ll learn the art of manners of Royal Protocol, (That’s right!)
And when to bow and curtsey, for functions big and small!
Encyclopedia, e-n-c-y-c-l-o-p-e-d-i-a!
On this journey that you’re taking will come the answers that you’ll seek.
Tell me the secret of man’s red fire.
Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?
Yesterday, I poached an egg. It seemed like the perfect thing to do on perhaps the second worst workday in recorded history.
Wow, somebody’s got issues. Go make some eggs.
You, mini man! Taking on the jellies! You got serious thrill issues, dude. Awesome.
These are not Joanna eggs!
It is tough to be a bird.
Do not feed the pigeons, it says, and I’m going to feed the pigeons. Sometimes evil just cracks me up.
Aw, this is great. I’m chained to the only bird in the world who can’t fly! Is there anything else I need to know?
Ratigan: You don’t know what a delightful dilemma it was, trying to decide on the most appropriate method for your demise. Oh, I had so many ingenious ideas I didn’t know which to choose. So I decided to use them all. Marvelous, isn’t it? But, here, let me show you how it works. Picture this. First, a sprightly tune I’ve recorded especially for you. As the song plays, the cord tightens, and when the song ends, the metal ball is released, rolling along its merry way until…
[points at mousetrap]
Ratigan: Snap!
[points at gun]
Ratigan: Boom!
[points at crossbow]
Ratigan: Twang!
[points at axe]
Ratigan: Thunk!
[points at anvil]
Ratigan: Splat! And so ends the short, undistinguished career of Basil of Baker Street.
Usually, I’m able to save the day.
To beat your fear, you need to face it.
Now, in my never-ending pursuit of domination, I discovered that the best evil rulers used fear to keep people in line. So to get into the right headspace, I did what any logical evil scientist would do: rented all the scary movies in Danville for research. Even the lousy ones like Dead Batteries, which is actually better than its prequel, Batteries That Work, which was…just a bunch of…portable electronic devices…functioning properly.
If I gave up every time I failed, I would have never invented the meatball cannon.
“Our castle’s gonna have a cannon!”
“Two cannons!”
nm