This is an offshoot of another dating thread in the forum.
My personal experience with dating sites on the web have not been that great. I’ve not been a ver persistent user of them, true, but still have used many of them in the past five years on now-and-then basis. The only date I ever got was through yahoo personals long ago. Since then, everytime I try a new or reputable site, all I get are emails with links either to some porno site or some teen chick’s sites who encourages me to either talk to her on some 800/900 number or register with some validation site (which requires my credit card number) so that I can see her naked on the webcam. I’ve had such experiences for long enough on numerous enough basis that eventually I even began to doubt my own pious, sincere efforts to meet someone nice over the net, one who won’t offer me to pay to see her own her webcam, that I won’t have spend lots of money to talk dirty to some woman over the phone.
So what’s the deal? What’s the trick to be successful using such sites? I consider myself as normal a guy as the girl next door but somehow never had success in the area of hooking up with someone over the net. As far as real life is concerned, well, I’m not really a bar-scene kinda person so no luck there as well. What am I missing there?
if the woman in the ad is attractive, then the profile is a fake and is intended to ultimately make money off of you. to be honest, we live in a society where attractive, or even semi-attractive women can get all the dates they can handle, meaning there is no need for any online ads.
if you truly wish to find a real person, you’ll have to set realistic goals and contact only those women with realistic* looks and pics…all others are fake.
You know, I had the same guess. But then again, there are as many looker women out there single as the guys and since women tend to be more careful in the beginning, net services actually poses a better option for them (in terms of exchanging emails, phone conversations etc in the beginning to be really sure of the guy) than for men. Isn’t that so? If so, then what gives?
I recently got engaged with a woman I met from this site. So, it can happen. I was lucky enough to get dates from that service, so I don’t have anything bad to say about it. I never came across any people who had a fake picture up. I know it happens, but I also know that just because the woman looks gorgeous, that doesn’t automatically mean the ad is fake.
My advice is to be aggressive, but be honest. Keep checking your area for unhidden and new profiles. And update your ad frequently, as some places list ads in the order of most recent activity.
Anyone use Friendster.com? It seems to be hip and trendy at the moment. People invite their friends to join, who invite THEIR friends, and so on, creating a big network. Everyone posts profiles and pictures, so you can browse and see who your friends are friends with, leave messages for anyone you want, and end up meeting new local people for dating or whatever else.
I just got invited to join this week, I currently have 8 friends listed (mostly from real life, with a few 'net acquaintances), and now I have a network of 55,000+ “friends” through all of them! And two people I have listed as friends (they’re both in California, and I’ve never met either in real life) have already contacted each other and may meet soon! I think that’s pretty neat.
The NY Daily News today, in it’s ‘Thersday’ section, ran a article about taking professional ‘Personal’ photoes (with before and after examples - OK, I highly agree with the ‘No body parts of ex-boyfriends in the photo’ tip, but the rest - eh). Mostly they seem to advocate ‘almost’ Glamour Shots (i.e. don’t use blurry, ill-lighted crap of you looking your worst).
Of course there are consulting firms mentioned which advise you, but when they gave an example of before and after ‘About Myself’ blurbs, the after (professional) version were complete tripe based on shallow celebrity comparision - which would I chose, well the ‘before’ one which reads as honest and realistic. Oh well, I guess they have to justify their fees (I think 250 for one session, but I’m not sure)
One statistics you can take for what it’s worth - Ads with pictures get 7x the responses…
My SO and I have been together for a couple of years now, so I haven’t used the dating sites since then. But, back in the day ;), I used yahoo, Matchmaker.com, and people2people.com. I met my partner through a Yahoo group so we pretty much circumvented the personals site. But I had great success (with Matchmaker, especially.) It seems that you really need to post a picture (whereas a couple of years ago people were only just starting to do that), and you may be better off with a pay site just to avoid those emails from porn sites. Didn’t someone start a Doper dating thread recently? You’d be guaranteed some intelligent company if you met anyone from there!
I don’t use dating sites but a lot of my friends do. They have experienced much success on Eharmony.com
What makes this site different from your average site is it offers you a personality test to take before joining. It helps match you up to others in the same categories.
The only downfall is it costs $200 a year.
Once a member you only receive emails from people that match to you and then you have the opportunity to respond or decline.
Another thing that has sorta become a “trite” is that everyone is “caring”, “easy-going”, “loves music”, “likes to have fun”, and two dozen other common things that we all do. Doesn’t tell much about anyone anymore. I have seen very few ads that get to be bit more creative. I think writting about something that’s not directly related to your personality is a lot better way then enumerating few dozen personal characteristics.
At my university there’s an online dating service. It’s not perfect but for at least people are willing to chat and make friends, etc, If there’s a themed dating site near you you could try. Obviously prob. not.
Revisiting the thread again, here is the latest. I got in contact with two women who expressed their interest in me (we have seen each others’ pictures). With the first one, I sent a brief note first and gave my email address. Didn’t hear from her for few days. Just to follow up, I sent a note again asking that if she’s still interested I’d look forward to hear from her. I got an email back in which she said that she is. I then sent another email, giving more details about myself etc. Nothing mundane or anything just normal, regular stuff. She didn’t reply again. I’m thinking to drop her off altogether now. I find it kinda rude. She should have at least said so if she found someone else or is not interested anymore.
The second woman approached me first. I sent her a brief note. Haven’t heard from her at all.
Are there some sorta rules to this whole thing? Is it ok to follow up? I don’t want to come off as a “stalker” and don’t wanna bother people too much but sometimes I think women probably expect a little persuit of them. Is that so? Watcha 'all think?
I’m just starting on the 'net personals, I’d say it’s okay to follow up once, if you don’t hear back within 4 or 5 days or so. After that, if you still don’t hear anything back, i’d move on.
And this:
is just not true, not to mention insulting to a whole lot of attractive and as you put it, “semi attractive” women out there who do put out online personal ads.
Wolfe, If you’re thinking about forgetting somebody just because they didn’t answer your e-mail within a couple of days, you’re crazy. Give it some time. Not everybody has their PDA’s logged into their e-mails all the time. I for one don’t check my e-mails everyday, maybe she’s like that. Not everyone has a ball and chain to their e-mail. Don’t give up on these women because you didn’t receive and e-mail within a couple of days. I’ve gone a week or two without checking my e-mail. There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean come on, the first women did reply to you right?
ParentalAdvisory, That’s exactly why I posed this question as I’m not sure what’s a good time frame. The system did tell me that she has received and read the email. But I was not sure what’s a good time frame after which it’s obvious she’s not interested anymore or if it’d be appropriate to follow up again after couple of days.
But yeh, I guess I expected a response earlier than what’s the norm.
I just started using a couple online personal sites (Onion personals and Match.com) and don’t think it’s going to go anywhere because I have noticed something, most people aren’t willing to pay. Sure, they’ll put up a free profile and search others, but pay $30 to send them an email? No thanks. At least, that’s what I’m thinking. I know that it’s $30 for a month, and in that month I could easily send an email to every girl I was interested in, but it still seems like a lot to me. Myabe if there was like a $5 for one day, or something. Are there any sites that are completly free? I realize that in this post-internet crash world, completly free is not a term heard that often, but there has to be at least one that makes all it’s income purely from ads and other whatnot, right?
That is utterly ridiculous. Some good-looking women seem unapproachable to guys and never get asked out. Some don’t have the time or inclination to deal with the sleazeballs they meet in bars. I guess you’re assuming that anyone using an internet dating service is to unappealing to get a date any other way.