I have a problem speaking to “secondary” people on the phone. This happens when I want to speak to someone in a house, but the “other” person answers the phone first. It usually is a spouse (that I am less friendly with), but it can also be a parent, roommate, etc. This generally happens when I am just calling to chat, not when I have a very specific question.
The secondary person is always well known to me, but I just don’t have that much to say to them. I can always ask them the basic small talk questions, but it always comes around to “Can I speak to <primary>?” After a while, when I call, the other person might just say, “<Primary> is here, hold on” as soon as they get on the phone. When that happens, I feel uncomfortable - as if the secondary person has no value at all.
This occasionally gets me so uncomfortable that I’ll call, and if secondary answers, and I’ve spoken to him a few times like this recently, I’ll hang up when he says hello, and try to call back later hoping that primary will answer.
When somebody answers the phone who is not the one I want to speak to, I usually just say “Hi, this is missdavis, is So-and-so in?”
Unless it’s my dad’s wife. I actually like talking to her, so I break into Friendly Chatter Mode, and she cuts me off after a few exchanges with “I’ll get your dad for you.” Kind of disappointing, but okay since it really was my dad I called to talk to.
The only other exception is for people I see about as regularly as the intended callee, when I might say, “Hi, Secondary, this is missdavis. How are you?” <response> “That’s good, is So-and-so in?”
I’d nix the hangups, especially if they have caller ID.
curwin - I think you’re making an issue out of nothing. If someone calls for my housemate then I’m not offended if they just come straight out and ask for him. Would you be? Just ask to speak to who you want to speak to!
However I do note that my mum now spends longer on the phone to my girlfriend than she does to me. Hmph.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Sometimes when I call my best friend, her SO answers. I chat to him for a minute, and then ask if my friend is available to talk. He KNOWS I didn’t call to chat with him. He’s certainly not offended, and I don’t feel rude by asking to speak to the person I called to speak with anyway. It doesn’t mean that he has no value as a person. It just means that I didn’t call to speak to him. No biggie, in the grand scheme of things.