You can get a sperm count and mobility analysis, using just a smartphone attachment, a disposable microchip, and an app.
The sample is collected in a cup, not directly placed on the phone :eek:. Still, I don’t want to borrow your phone.
Just don’t snatch it.
I’ll bet you get better motility results from Sprint but higher counts on Boost. Regardless, after the fist time you can no longer use Virgin. And that, my friends, is Straight Talk.
“Want to know your motility results? There’s a fap for that!”
There’s over two billion smart phones users with access to the internet. It almost certainly wouldn’t be the first time the “sample” was on the phone…or the millionth.
Think about THAT the next time you ask to borrow a phone. 
Heh… fist time.
Tmobile is now replacing the “New Every Two” plan with a “Piss Every Miss” plan.
“Oh Geeze, I just read that and my Note 7 just burst into flames. Say, is that Normal?”
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: How about that - a typo that works as well as the intended word, perhaps better!