As you all know I am a single man living in a garret above a disused abbatoir which overlooks the local garbage dump and waste tyre disposal centre…very des.res.
But I digress.
Under normal circumstances I would have been invited for Christmas lunch at either my brothers or my sons but this year without a thought for others my brother and his wife took themselves off to Spain and my son went to Bonnie Scotland to visit the horror bags parents.
So I am resigned to a thin bowl of gruel and some stale crusts of bread rescued from next doors waste bin.
I also have 2 small chocolate biscuits for dessert and a caramel wafer.
Warmth is not a problem, I have carefully saved a couple of candles which I stole from the local church.
Out of the blue…an invite for Christmas lunch arrives.
The spogga garret is filled with joy, even the rats are happy and the roaches are practically pooing themselves with delight.
This invite came from one of my ex customers who had somehow heard of my poverty stricken lifestyle and had decided to extend their hospitality to both myself AND my lady friend.
Before you ask, she can’t even boil water.
Christmas day and orf we jolly well set, I get a sodding puncture after about 50 yards.
Luckily my lady is quite a hefty lass and without any problems changes the tyre and orf we set again, we arrive without further hazard.
Suffice it to say that I had a very enjoyable day, my stomach thought that it was its birthday and I thought it was so kind of these people to invite me that when I left ALL the silverware was still there, where it belonged.
Now then, about New Years Day Lunch…I’m waiting people.
Having re-read this posting of mine I must apologise to all.
It is far from the standards that I usually aspire to, I am sorry,…God how sorry I am…and embarrased, ashamed and mortified.
What an absolute dismal and pathetic attempt.
I’m off now to swallow some toxic substance, I may recover but if not, no flowers please I beg of you.
shuffles off,weeping silently, trips over carpet and falls to floor in a huddled heap, shoulders heaving
spogga, you made me sniffle. Get off the roach-poop covered floor!! You know we all love ya! Your post was jus’ fine, ol’ chap, never fear. Tickle the rats and smile, dear spogga!
All posties have to have a sense of humour, if we didn’t we would go round the twist [come to think of it most of us are]
See my previous postings re the people we have to deal with.
Whatever are you apologizing for? I found it to be a truly heartwarming tale. Brought a small tear to my eye…
You are most cordially invited to spend the entirety of New Years Day with me. All you need is an airline ticket to Florida. I’ll meet you at the airport.
There are no roast ducks in my pantry or refrigerator. But I found a jar of strawberry preserves and some wheat crackers that don’t seem to be too stale. I think there might be an extra can of chicken broth - chickens are kinda, sorta like ducks if you squint and dim the lights.
spogga, without sounding condescending nor ‘smarmy’, (THAT is certainly NOT me!)… just know this ‘wendy-person’ enjoys whatever you wish to share with us fellow Dopers, as far as your written skills are concerned.
My thoughts are with you (and, of course your fellow roaches and rats) for an absolutely grand New Year! … (May your gruel be smooth and thin as opposed to thick and lumpy!!) crosses self in some kind of religious way
…BTW if you wish to grace the shores of Oz, just know you’d be enjoying steaks, lobsters, prawns, caviar, and other gastronomical delights - BUT you choose to stay over in the “old country”!
blushes - Gawd I’ve had too many wines… I think I’d better shut-up… and here was I going to keep a low profile from hereon in?!! :smack:
FCM: Ducks are not a bit like chickens, leastways to other ducks anyway. Strawberry preserves, wheat crackers, chicken broth!!! I’m not desperate y’know.
WENDYRULES: You have really rubbed salt in the wound haven’t you?
However, Great Joy again abounds in my humble domicile. I have unearthed a bag of crisps which were lurking at the back of my small and erstwhile empty pantry.
Best before date is 1997 but they should be OK.
Enjoy your sodding steak, lobster and other crap…some of us know how to live
