I’m kind of stumped that people are arguing about the definition of “diner”.
Wait a minute. Am I getting this right? You folks actually feed your teenagers?
Good point, you guys. Feeding teenagers just habituates them to humans. It’s dangerous for them as they can become nuisances or even mankillers.
Which is why I place the blame on mom. If she’s been out with her daughter, she should be able to gauge what kind of mood she’s in: piss poor or Miss Congeniality. Even if she can’t judge 100% accurately, say “We’re near Sahirrnee’s house. Let’s invite her to lunch. We could go to Diner A or Place B.”
Teenager says “Place B. Diner’s suck” and mom calls “Would you like to go to Place B with us?”
OR
Teenager says “I don’t care.” and mom calls “Would you like to go to A or B with us?” Then it’s guest’s call and teenager is reminded she didn’t care if she objects.
OR
Teenager shrugs and mumbles and hunches over phone so mom says “Why don’t I drop you at home? Or at the nearest bus stop. I’m going out to lunch with Siahirrnee. Please start a load of laundry when you get home.”
Um, no that wasn’t the case at all. Nice try though.:rolleyes:
Oh I’ll bet that at some point on this board there was a lesbian mom whose progeny was dissatisfied with the way s/he was being raised. This happens all the time to every kind of parent. I have no idea specifically who Urbanredneck was referring to, but I’m fairly sure it’s happened.
I had never realized that there is a difference over diners between lesbian mom’s and non-lesbian moms. Once again, the SDMB has fought ignorance.
Don’t jump to conclusions! Maybe the difference is between lesbian moms, and lesbians who have no children. Ever think of that?
I do, and his summary is inaccurate. The kid forgot Mother’s Day. Some people in the thread came up with the idea that maybe the kid didn’t like the way he was being raised. Seems far more likely that it’s because he’s a normal teen.
It was a messy thread, so I won’t say any more.
Pretty sure it’s the “My 16yo son ignored Mother’s Day” thread in the pit.
Regarding the OP: I’m voting at least 30% grumpy old lady, since the situation could have been better handled by all. What I personally have found works on 90% of whining and incipient temper tantrums on kids over about 3, is to talk to them and listen to their answers. Get in there before it turns into a federal case, and turn it into a conversation instead. Even very young children can respond to this. In my experience the worst whiners are those who know that their parents won’t listen to them or consider their preferences unless they make a huge scene.
At the point when Daughter said “I don’t like diiiiiiiiiiners!”, Sahirrnee could have asked, in a way that indicated that she was actually going to listen, “Why not? Have you ever eaten at a really good diner? This place does a fabulous shrimp salad on toast, you should totally try it.” This wouldn’t have had any political fallout as a criticism of Mom’s parenting or whatever, it would have encouraged a calmer discussion of the issue, and it would have had an excellent chance of derailing any further whining.
And if Daughter stated some specific objections to diners in general or this diner in particular, those objections could be given due consideration. Maybe Sahirrnee and Mom would have decided that they really wanted to go to Diner Place anyway, and they had a 2:1 majority. Or maybe they would have decided that Daughter’s previously-unrevealed chrome phobia warranted going somewhere else. A 15 year old is old enough to have an opinion, and is old enough for that opinion to be listened to, even if it eventually ends up being overruled.
6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast, if this is in fact your philosophy on child-raising I hope that you are not a parent. The point of raising a child is not to produce a silent, obedient automaton, it is to produce someone who can live independently, make their own decisions, express their desires and opinions cogently, and negotiate life with other people in a hopefully mutually satisfactory way. Telling children that you make all the decisions and they have no choice is not the way to do this. Following through on this and actually giving your children no choice is even worse. You don’t know how many trainwrecks I’ve seen from kids whose parents kept them under iron control until they went away to college and suddenly had independence dumped on them with no prior experience in running their own lives.
I think if the daughter had voiced her opinion without whining, “I really dislike diners and diner food, could we go somewhere else this time?” it would have been a totally different situation. Acting like a grown up, gets you grown up consideration. Acting like a baby, should get you no consideration.
what of the fact that she happily went to a diner with her boyfriend not too long after?
What of it? I don’t really care whether the kid likes diners or doesn’t. I don’t even care if she loves diners and was just saying she doesn’t to be a brat. I’m saying whatever her dining preference is, if she had voiced her opinion like a grown up, instead of like whiny brat, it would have been a totally different situation.
Doesn’t come up in my life too often, thank God, but my approach is something likeJRBrown’s. I would waver between “What have you heard about this diner that I haven’t?” just in case her HS cheerleading squad all came down with shigella at the diner; and “They have fantastic hamburgers/grilled cheese/whatever. You’ll like it.”
And you’ve been a Doper for 12 years?
StG
I didn’t read the whole thread, because after I read the OP, I immediately had to say
**YOU ARE NOT A GRUMPY OLD LADY. THAT KID WAS WAY OUT OF LINE AND SO WAS HER MOM FOR CATERING TO HER. **
Whew. That feels better. I thought my head would explode there for a minute…
I can’t even imagine either of my daughters (25 and 10) ever thinking that would be something they could get away with. I wouldn’t hit them or anything but they’d feel my wrath. But more than that they just know how to behave socially. My ten year old has autism and knows that kind of behavior is inappropriate. But if this teen’s parents don’t correct the behavior early on maybe the battle is all the harder? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a lucky mama.
My bold.
It’s your kids who are lucky, because you’ve taught them how to behave like civilized human beings. They will have a definite advantage over the entitlement princes/princesses for the rest of their lives.
I read the first post and get “grumpy old lady” - basically you seem to be “how dare a teenager voice an opinion different than an adults on where to eat” and “kids should be seen and not heard - or better yet not seen.” I can’t really take your “she’s whining” too seriously since the only two events I can actually get out the post are firstly that the friend dind’t mention the daughter (bad on her) and secondly that when a place the daughter didn’t like to eat was suggested she spoke up (good on her),