Chess?
Did you try the backstroke or that quasi-breaststroke thing where your head never goes in the the water? I’ll also second the kickboard thing. That could help.
I don’t know where The Midcon is, but unless you live in a dangerous neighborhood, there’s no reason you can’t hike close to where you live. Maybe there’s no ‘nature’ close by, but there is outdoors. Enjoy the environment ya’ got.
(There are too rivers in Los Angeles. Well, creeks, anyhow. Or places where there are creeks for a couple days of the year. Or… fuggedit. Seriously, there are some nice parks around here.)
Buy a pool table.
Just wanted to punch this up a bit, as it may have been too quiet among these other posts. Both of these are great suggestions.
I’ve never done Orienteering, but I’m a semi-avid geocacher. Both of them are basically ways to add a mental element to walking and hiking.
Geocaching gives you a reason to get out on your feet just about anywhere. I live in an urban environment, and there are thousands of destinations within a long walk of my house. Whenever i go somewhere else, I can always look up some caches in the area ahead of time, which gives an extra goal in sightseeing. If I want a challenging, strenuous hike, there are geocaches that’ll get me on those trails.
Like I said, it’s really just walking. But it’s a motivator. You can do it totally alone, or with others. It’s a great activity with a whole family. There’s a feel of competition, both against yourself and others, that comes from finding more caches, or finding the hard ones, or solving the puzzles, or trading the items. But the competition isn’t intense, it doesn’t attract jerks, and if you don’t want, you may never end up meeting another geocacher in person.
If your phone or car has GPS, go to www.geocaching.com and type in your zip code. You’ll find there’s stuff hidden in your neighborhood, and you’ll want to check it out. Try a couple, and see if you want to try some more next weekend.
I was going to suggest bicycling. I’m pretty klutzy at team sports such as the ones we had to play in gym class, but find I do much better at sports like bicycling, swimming, and hiking…things where, once you’ve got the basics down, you don’t really have to think about it.
How about disc golf? If you can throw a Frisbee, you can play. Disc golf courses are like regular golf courses, but instead of hitting balls with clubs, you throw discs (like Frisbees) towards a target. You try to hit the target in the least number of throws. I’m not great at it, but it’s fun. Cheaper than regular golf, too.
You might also try Wii Fit (with the balance board). You actually can get a decent workout, and many of the games help you improve your balance.
There is a curling arena in my area, great fun and beginners can play with experts and not feel overwhelmed.
Curling is harder than bowling. Sliding a 42 lb rock of granite ,giving it a turn and applying no muscle is not easy. Plus running along on pebbled ice and sweeping is not that simple.
How about just playing sports with other uncoordinated goobers?
The thing with any competitive sports is that there aren’t that many that you can be uncoordinated and unfit at because someone more coordinated and fit will school you. I played ice hockey through most of high school, college and a little as an adult. I didn’t wake up being able to ice skate or handle a stick and puck. I had to spend a significant amount of time looking like a retardo until I got better. The more I played and practiced, the more fit and coordiated I got.
It does require a certain amount of coordination, which is why I’m not very good. On the other hand, it’s possible to have fun without being very good, which is why I keep playing. On the third hand . . . if the OP is really as klutzy as he claims, anything on ice might not be a good idea.
I’m not sure how the OP manages to walk or drive a car.
Nobody is irretrievably klutzy without there being an underlying medical condition. If you stay calm and just practice something and not give up right away, you can get at least passably non-silly at basic sports.
Seconding curling. I’m not unfit, but I am rather uncoordinated; I suck at most other sports. We’re talking “picked last for the team, after the really effeminate kid and the kid with cerebral palsy” bad. However, I found that I’m actually quite good at curling. It requires coordination, but unlike other sports that require of brute-force strength or accuracy on the fly, curling gives you the opportunity to execute your moves slowly.
It’s not a sport for the lazy. A two hour game can burn between 600 and 800 calories, and involve up to two miles of walking, much of it while forcefully sweeping.
Have you considered Volksport? http://www.ava.org/ It’s a way to turn walking into a group, sportlike activity.
I might also suggest yoga. Start by taking classes with a good instructor. The poses all have beginner to advanced versions and the instructor will help you do the appropriate version with good form. It will also help with coordination so that you can move on to some of the other suggestions.
You are possibly right that there is a medical condition but (and I realize RickJay that you didn’t indicate any of the following to be true)
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a medical condition doesn’t mean it is fixable
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doesn’t mean you should give up, there are often work arounds and different levels of participation.
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sometimes it takes a really long time to see progress
I have a mild “visual perception difficulty”, I was diagnosed as a child. It is similar to dyslexia but different. Basically I see things a little skewed from reality. So I suck at sports that involve throwing, catching etc, I don’t back my car into tight spots and my handwriting will forever be “like a doctors”. I am forever known to be a klutz
In high school I took typing, I only passed because the teacher saw how hard I was trying and gave one really easy test so my wpm could hit the minimum for the class. I can type fairly well now but in my case it took years of practise to reach what takes others weeks or months.
Not sure how the perception thing would affect swimming but I too couldn’t coordinate the breathing “out” of the water thing long enough to pass the class but I could swim on my back instead. I think it is the slowed reaction time between my eyes and my brain sending an action that causes the problem.
I have participayed in various sports and activities I try to avoid anything that involves aim. Karate was fun, I tended more towards the kata rather than the sparring aspect but became respectable in both. Did archery, sucked bigtime but it was nice being outdoors at the range. Combat archery (SCA), just about everybody was awful so it didn’t matter that I was a little more awful.
My exercise of choice is swing dancing, I will never be really good due to other constrants (old knees) but you are expected to be behind the beat and follows are expected to be behind the leads. I would be out every night if it wasn’t for that pesky work obligation so I ca pay for dancing. And the mortgage too.
"I’m not sure how the OP manages to walk or drive a car. " I don’t know about him but I fall alot and walk into things alot when walking, When driving I learned to leave way more room than anyone else does between me and other obstacles. I was was driving in rush hour traffic in the rain, in an unfamiliar city, driving an unfamiliar car, pulling a trailer; I had so much space between me and the vehicles in front of me that tractor trailers were pulling into the space.
So do something because you love it. You will get better at it for working at it.
Ok one last anecdote which isn’t about a sport but about coordination. One of my hobbies is spinning yarn. I was truly bad at it when I started and it took a long time to reach even bare proficentcy but I enjoyed it and I kept at it. Itr gave me somehting to do with my hands while watching TV at night. I got lots better, not an expert by any means but I cn make yarn that is pretty consistent. So now I take my wheel places and demo spinning. I am amazed at the number of people who tell me “I can’t do that, I am just not coordinated enough.” I twll them if I can anyone can. it is all in the wanting to do it enough to keep at it.
Adhemar