Um… Well, the OP was pretty great, but I’m not sure whether the irony in the above quote was intentional — i.e., let us write not about how well the Panthers played, but about how their opponents were gracious enough to hand them a victory by playing poorly. Aw hell, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. 
Unlike Plaxico Burress! 
I kid, I kid. I thought the OP was very funny. Last summer, my roommate and I developed a similar routine about tennis commentators who had to repeat twice a minute “Maria Sharapova is only 17 years old.”
What’s funnier is that last summer (2005) Ms. Sharapova was eighteen years old. (Birthdate 4/19/1987 according to cbs.sportline.com)
Yeah, like you needed a cite to find that out. 
I’ve got my years mixed up. We lived together from June '04 to June '05, so the joke probably started in summer 2004, when she won Wimbledon.
Actually, Ms. Sharapova does nothing for me. On the other hand I can’t wait until October 11, 2007 when it will be legal for me to hit on Michelle Wie, who earns enough to support me without her having to actually win any tournaments.
From the bitter files of “Life Imitating the Dope,” Cris Carter writes in his column today “They had a great run, and I think this defeat will put an end to New England’s status as a championship contender.”
(actually, he’s talking about their chances next year but it was too delicious too pass up)
Let’s take a poll for which lucky impoverished country receives the wonderful bounty of “NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS - SUPER BOWL XL CHAMPIONS” t-shirts, caps, sweats and seat cushions, which were printed up as soon as the season ended so they would be able to meet the insatiable demand on Feb. 6th.
Bonus points for where the Colts paraphernalia winds up also.
(When do they actually start printing all that stuff - I’m certain they have the blank stock ready, just waiting for that final silk-screening/embroidery or whatever process they use, and I feel sorry for the poor fellows that have to repack the losing teams items after the game.)