Squeaky Fromme, or The Squeakshank Redemption

Since I haven’t seen it elsewhere I’ll put it here with thanks to **MPB in Salt Lake **who mentioned it in the John Waters thread:

Squeaky Fromme has been paroled. She gets out next week.
So what do you do when you’ve been in prison for 35 years and are the batshittiest crazy member (at least in interviews) of the world’s most horrifying tiny cult?

My guess: first a series of children’s books, then an autobio, then a club called SQUEAKEASY! By this time next year she’ll have replaced Paula Abdul on AMERICAN IDOL.

And then a super successful revival of CHICAGO in which she plays Roxy to Sara Jane Moore’s Velma with Robert Blake as Billy Flynn. That will lead to a hit talk show. “Today on SQUEAKY we talk about how hard Hollywood is on overweight actresses, Philip Seymour Hoffman talks about his new movie, and ten more ways Charles Manson can save the world, then Richard Simmons shows how to make our butts perkier for summer!”

Maybe eventually a sitcom: Squeaky adopts a family of multiracial orphans and they go around the country in a bus solving crimes and dropping letters off to “Uncle Charlie” (played in cameos by Jason Lee). And of course ultimately a career in country music.

Or she’ll be back in prison by this time next month when she sexually molests a fire hydrant while holding a nun hostage with a spork.

First, she finishes the job on Ford, then opens a diner specializing in potato dishes. Names it “Taters”.

She could become the oldest cast member of SNL. There’s nothing she can possibly do that wouldn’t be funnier than the Gilly sketches. In fact I bet if she did the Gilly sketches they’d be funny.

“Who killed the turtle and used it’s blood to write FREE CHARLIE on the wall? Gilly?”

Best thread title in recent memory!

Ford being dead as he is, the odds of her reoffending are pretty low.


VH1 reality show: Best Squeak Ever.

I thought Ford was in good shape compared to Chrysler and GM.

If I wasnt convinced that Kristen Wiig is currently the hottest!!! woman on television, I would bring her and SNL up on Crimes Againt Humanity charges in the Hauge for the savage, un-natural torture that is the “Gilly” sketch…

(how the hell did they decide to subject us to more than one installment of Gilly!!!----Of course, once Kristen Wiig and I are united, I will convince her to focus on other, more satisfying outlets for her “creativity” and relinquish her doomed comedic aspirations.)

What? No regular chair on The View? Perhaps Glen Beck could benefit from a tag team like Hannity & Doormat used to do: Batshit and Batshittier.

Now who doesn’t love Squeaky?

Wouldn’t they still be arguing over who was who?

“Give me your tired, your Squeak…”

Maybe she could host new game shows, like Manson Family Feud. “Top three things Sharon Tate screamed while being stabbed: our survey SAYS…”

I kinda see her as a pitchman for Zyprexa or Seroquel. And speaking of mundane and completely pointless things which bear sharing, the lovely Miss Lynette and I have the same birthday (October 22), and we both went to the same junior high school.

Not since the Democrats insisted on bailing him out. (Betty was furious.)

Will you be MPB in NYC or will she be Gilly in Salt Lake?

She’ll have to set up a Twitter account. Hmm. SqueakTweets?

I’m not convinced that she’s ready to carry a show on her own, yet. I say start her off in a supporting/sidekick type of role and see how she handles it; like baliff on The People’s Court or a sideline reporter on Monday Night Football.

I like the Glenn Beck panelist idea for a beginning. From there football.

And of course there’s got to be a Susan Boyle type makeover. She’s 34 years out of fashion after all, and that Sissy Spacek in a pageboy look needs to go faster than you can say “plug it up Buster Brown”.

And for romance of course is where the reality show comes in: perhaps TAKING A SHOT AT LOVE. Or pair her up in an ‘opposites attract’ show with Willie Aames (unless you can get Sanjaya) ala Brigitte and Flava Flav.

The most surprising thing to me about her release is that in all of her (relatively few admittedly) interviews she always seemed the least repentant, the most remorseless, and the biggest Manson groupie of the bunch. She’s the Bellatrix Lestrange of the group- you half imagine her running through Lafayette Park singing "I almost killed Gerald R. Ford…". I don’t picture her freedom lasting long and just hope she doesn’t hurt anybody while she’s out.