St. Peter - a joke & a question.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife’s neurotic interest in health food.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they “oohed and aahed”, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” Peter replied, Remember, this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth.

The old man asked, “What are the green fees?”
“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You play for free.”

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine’s of the world laid out.

“How much to eat?” asked the old man.
“Don’t you understand yet?” St. Peter asked. “This is heaven. It’s free!”

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?” the old man asked timidly.

“That’s the best part… you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”

The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your f—ing bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!

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Now the question, Why is it always St. Peter at the gates of heaven? Where does that come from?

2

Several survivors of NDEs (near death experiences) have reported seeing pearly gates and an angelic man with white hair and a white beard and a little badge that says “Peter”.

Nah. I dunno. But here’s my joke:

Several couples are lined up at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first couple to wait while he goes to check the records. When he comes back he says, “Sorry, you can’t come in. Your wife’s name is Penny and all you ever thought about was money.”

The second couple waits and when St. Peter comes back he says, “Sorry. Your wife’s name is Sherry and all you ever thought about was liquor.”

The third couple is waiting and the husband turns to his wife and says, “I don’t think we’re gonna make it, Fanny!”

3

A WAG, but St. Peter is considered historically to be the founder of the Catholic Church…many of the jokes involving this bit often come with a Catholic view/reference…

dave

4

Matthew 16:18-19 - And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

5

This question was covered in the mailbag.

Check Here

6

Thank you Drogulus & Trion for the answer. I really should have know that myself, I was once an altar boy.:smiley:

7

A group of New Yorkers die and ascend to the Pearly gates. St.Peter is confused and askes them to wait while he checks with God. He tells God:

“God, we got a bunch of people from New York City at the Pearly Gates, and I don’t know what to do. We’ve never had any New Yorkers before.”

God says," Well, if they got here, let them in."

Peter leaves to let them in, but a minute later comes running back yelling," God, God, They’re gone!"

God says," What, the New Yorkers?"

and Peter replies, “Well, yea, and the Pearly Gates!”

8

St. Peter is guarding the Pearly Gates one day, and all of a sudden he has to pee, really bad. He looks around for someone to cover for him, and he finds Jesus. He asks Jesus to cover for him, and Jesus agrees. Peter gives him the instructions: “Just ask them what they did for a living, whether or not they had any kids, stuff like that. Then let them through.”

“Easy enough,” says Jesus. And he sets about to asking them what they did for a living, if they had any kids, etc.

Eventually a grey-haired old man walks up. Jesus asked him what he did for a living.

“I was a carpenter,” the old man says.

Jesus is now very interested. So he asks him if he had any kids.

“I had a boy once,” the old man replied, “but he wasn’t really mine.”

Now Jesus is REALLY interested. “Tell me more,” he says.

“Well, lots of people made fun of him. And some people abused him pretty bad, too.”

Now Jesus is almost ecstatic. “Tell me more!” he says.

The old man replies, “And, my boy had holes in his hands and feet.”

Jesus replies, “DAD?!?!???”

And the old man replies,

“PINOCCHIO???”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!