I have no information regarding the whoosh status of the video in question.
I hope it’s a fake.
I suspect it’s not.
I blame the gays.
To the OP: I have yet to see a thread here in the Pit, where the OP rages about someone doing something stupid with their money, without seeing a posyt a minute with people saying, in effect: “It’s their money. They can do as they please.” You might get support from some others, but generally, it’s a waste of time and effort. I wish it could be formulated as some kind of law, like Gaudere’s Law, and we could get the inevitable over with more quickly.
That aside:
You know, that’s a popular myth. Being able to have a wife (and it’s always a woman, ain’t it?) stay at home while the husband earns the cash has been a privilige (or curse) for very few people in history, Basically nobility and extremely wealthy merchants/industrialists up to WWII and for a brief time after it was possible for the group to be larger and include upper middle class. Most of these women were in effect trapped, having no education (earlier) or no marketable skills (after WWII).
Now if the people in this thread are happy the way it is, and the same goes for the people the OP mentioned, then I couldn’t care less. It is their money.
I know you didn’t do this, M23, but whenever I hear things like “My dad used to be able to support the whole family on one income, we should be able to do this today, too” I parse that as “I need to keep her in place and what better way than having her stay at home.” That’s unfair of me, maybe it’s a perfectly equal arrangement. But historically, it hasn’t been.
Who said taking care of a house is NOT work? Sure, working couple cram in the housework and chores on the weekends or they pay someone to do it for them etc, but there are lots of people (not just women) who maintain a household as their FT (unpaid) employment.
When I was a SAHM, I served on 3 church committees, volunteered at the elementary school and helped out the homeless shelter in our church. ALL of it was work-some of it damned hard. I also stripped and refinished the kitchen woodwork, painted, wallpapered and decorated the entire house, planned, double dug and planted the flower beds in our just under an acre yard.
It sure felt like work to me. Guess that just shows you how wrong a person can be. And this is for all of you who are reading sexism into this arrangement: I would greatly PREFER NOT TO WORK outside the home. If we had the money, I’d quit in a NY minute and focus on other things. If I had the greater income AND my husband wanted to stay home, let him.
I know a man who has just re-entered the workforce after going back to school in his 40s. He was the SAHD for his kids until the youngest hit 8th grade. He worked damned hard, too–church choir, Sunday school, art volunteer etc.
I know a woman who graduated with a degree in graphic design just before computers so radically altered her field that she would now have to go back and redo the blessed thing. Her boys are in college and midway through HS, and she doesn’t work. But again, she does charity auctions and helps out her older parents.
Why is work something that gets you a paycheck and a W-2? I think the OP has done precious little of the unpaid (and unsung) work in his time.
I’m not pitting SAHMs or SAHDs, I understand that kids and other family take precedence.
No kidding. However, I didn’t stop lurking so I can just post about things everybody knows and believes. I didn’t end my OP asking: “Am I right or what?” I knew it was going to be very unpopular. But if I find something I want to bitch and moan about I’ll do it, I don’t want to be a jerk but I’m not here to win popularity contests either.
I think the people mentioned in the OP are lazy. You identify with them or disagree? Too bad. We’ll just have to live without agreeing on everything somehow.
Yes, historically there was a period when most stay-at-home wives were trapped there by social convention and domineering husbands. But that day is past, and couples feel freer to do what suits their own needs (at least in places like North America and Western Europe).
There’s still a tendency for it to be the wife rather than the husband staying home, however, and that’s caused partly be the convention that the mother needs to look after young children plus some lingering wage discrimination against women. But that’s not the totally evil situation as seen by the OP.
This strikes me as precisely the opposite of the attitude evinced by your OP.
That’s the second time you’ve tried to pull this trick. No has disputed your right to post or claimed that everyone has to agree. Neither of those is a defense against being wrong. And you are wrong.
I see some sense in the rant, but not in the OPs blanket condemnation. I know several guys who have had this arrangement with their wives - but THEY are not content with it. In THAT case, its a valid rant. In cases where both partners think its cool, its their damn business. Though even in those cases, it often seems to be the case that he’s griping to ME and not letting HER know - that isn’t worth pitting HER about if HE doesn’t let her know.
You’re Mr. Peanut?
Kids, no kids, it doesn’t matter. What I do with my money and time is no one’s business, except my husband’s. If he and I are in agreement, what does it matter to you?
I didn’t mention childcare in my post to show the OP how much is involved with just running a household. If the individuals within the relationship want to change the agreement, they need to talk to each other, not bitch on a message board about it.
What if I had inherited a trust fund from my grandparents and I used it to stay at home, pursuing things I wanted to like music or writing or art? How does that make me a mooch or a slacker? It’s just a different way to spend a life. I wish I had that luxury–I would prefer to not just have a job, but to have a life’s work–which can come with or without a paycheck.
What I was saying is that Tijuana_Gold is being just as controlling as the people you are talking about. It’s an amusing irony because it’s ridiculous. In the OP, he voiced a view that women have to have paying jobs to be productive. That’s no better than requiring them to stay home and cook.
I never stated they needed a paying job to be productive.
You mistakenly equate not working at a paying job with being lazy. This is not the case.
TG, quick question–would you rather jobs go to people who don’t need the money and would be perfectly content not to work, or to people who need the money and/or want a job outside the home? Some things are worth more than money, and free time (to spend either by yourself or your spouse) isn’t something you can buy.
I’m not. As I’ve said, stay-at-home moms and dads are not part of this, neither are people who concentrate on studying, for example.
You repeatedly called them lazy, said “their husbands actually do all the work of earning a place in society and life,” and… aw, fuck it. You can read your own post.
What about people who volunteer or do charity work? That’s not a paying job…
Ya know, I used to know a couple (they moved to the UAE quite a few years ago) - S & A. A was by far the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life. I mean really, really, jaw droppingly beautiful.
S & A were dating - he’s a petroleum engineer, she worked at some sort of shop. He proposed. She quit her job the next day and hasn’t worked a day since. So, she’s a spoiled, entitled brat, right?
Every night when he gets home from work he gets a full body massage, followed by a full course gourmet meal of his choosing, followed by whatever (I really didn’t want to know). Honestly, when I heard about it I was trying to think of a way to get her to marry me instead.
Really, if you have a busy, stressful job and your partner is willing to stay home to cook you fancy meals and give you massages and generally take care of and pamper you, and you can afford it why on earth WOULDN’T a couple go for it?
This OP is dumb. I think he’s jealous that no one cooks gourmet meals for him and gives him full body massages every day (I know that I am).
I think your parameters are false - if my husband works eight hours a day outside the home, and I work eight hours in it (without studying or raising children), I don’t see where his work is better than my work. I actually see my work as better, because it benefits the two of us directly. His work benefits his bosses, for which he gets money (but not as much benefit as they get from the pooled work of all their employees).
By the way, Tijuana, I wanted to commend you for starting this thread. I may not agree with your opinion, but good for you for going against the grain and starting an interesting discussion.