I LOVE prime rib, and hardly ever get any. The Ukulele Lady does insist on a standing rib roast for Xmas dinner though, and I always have to whip together a little sour cream with minced garlic, S&P, and a healthy chug of prepared horseradish.
Ok, but can I have broccoli instead of the asparagus? 
I…honestly haven’t had enough steak in my life to even know the different names of cuts, let alone what the difference is in taste. The only one I know is T-Bone cause that’s what they show in all the cartoons when I was growing up. My dad said that to never bother buying steak at a restaurant as he’s never had a good steak that way his entire life. Honestly, is there really that much of a difference in cuts? Isn’t it how the steak is cook that’s more important? Steak’s always seemed too expensive and/or exotic for me to even attempt buying it in the store. That being said, the last steak I had was some unmarked piece my parents got from a ‘food giveaway’ lol I tried cooking it in butter cause I read somewhere that was the way to do it and it ended up kinda…grey and chewy. Ketchup helped but not much.
Buy half a cow and you will start to learn them quite well.
In general the meat becomes more tender the farther you get from the hoof and horn and less flavorful (not fat flavor) the farther away from bone.
Steak houses almost always use “prime” grades (not to be confused with a “prime” cut) and supermarkets are typically always “choice” or “select” which really relates to marbling.
Depending on preferences the only real difference (if a good meal is the goal) is what you can get away with cooking with dry heat e.g. broiling, roasting, or grilling. The lower the grade the more of the meat that will at least need to be braised to be tender when cooked.
Opinions on what is “good” of the “best” will differ and will often be quite enthusiastic.
Round steak, despite its name, is vastly different from ribeye steak. Round steak, no matter how it is cooked, will almost always turn out chewy because it lacks marbling, the interstitial fat that makes more expensive cuts tender and flavorful.
Not to be patronizing, just my take:
Tenderloin is the leanest and most tender but has no fat. It’s the blandest. The French like it only for its round shape (which they trim).
Rib eye has lots of fat surrounding the center round. Real Prime-Prime rib eye will have two layers of fat “swirling” around the “eye”, which is just as bland as TL, only tougher.
Composite steaks like T-bone and porterhouse have tenderloin on one side and sirloin on the other side. As I said, TL is bland (you marinate that part a lot more.) The sirloin is tough but is the best-tasting part of the cow (besides the brain and marrow.)
Round steaks definitely benefit from a meat slicer. I have a deli slicer at home, and top round (followed by bottom round) is my cut of choice for roast beef sandwiches (actually, top sirloin is first, but then those two.) I just roast them in a slow oven to 120, let them cool, slice thin as I can, and they’re quite nice. But, yeah, in steak type preparations, I’m lost in how to cook a round steak to make it edible. And eye of round just sucks all around, being a completely useless part of the cow to me.
Of course you can substitute the asparagus for broccoli. I’m not that rigid. Just as long as you don’t do something sacrilegious like order a strip steak. Plus, I’m buying 
No love for creamed spinach?
Basically the “ideal” steak will be tender (but not too tender) and flavorful- therefore cut, quality and method all count for a lot.
Tenderness is directly related to how much work the muscle does when it’s part of the cow- more exercise means that there’s more intramuscular connective tissue (i.e. collagen) within the muscle, making it tougher.
Muscles like those in the legs, chest and rump get a lot of exercise when compared to some of the muscles in the back. That’s why round steak is tough as hell, but tenderloin/filet is very tender- the round is basically a cow’s butt cheek, and gets a lot of exercise as the cow walks around, so steaks cut from it will be tough. The tenderloin is a muscle in the back that gets very little exercise- therefore little connective tissue.
Beyond that, all meat contracts and gets tougher, as well as emits liquid as its temperature goes up. So basically the more “done” you cook your steaks, the less juicy and tougher they’ll be. However, that outer sear/crust on the outside is desirable, because it’s essentially composed of Maillard reaction products, which we perceive as pretty delicious.
Quality is a bit more dicey; the USDA grades are directly related to the amount of fat that’s actually within the muscle tissue itself- Prime is the highest, and Select is the lowest you’re likely to actually find. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’ll be more tender than a “lesser” graded steak, but it does mean that it’s likely more flavorful due to the fat.
So to tie it all together, what you want is a cut that’s inherently tender (i.e. not worked a lot), with a lot of intramuscular fat, and you want to cook it as little as you can stand- for some, it’s essentially raw, for others, it’s past well-done. Most people however, prefer medium-rare to medium in my limited, non-culinary professional experience. That means pink-red to pink, or internal temps of about 130 on the low end up to 145 on the high end.
For a practical steak that will be good, I’d recommend a USDA Choice New York Strip that’s at least 1" thick. That way, you end up with a cut and a grade that will likely be pretty good, if not quite high-end steakhouse, and that thickness gives you some more wiggle room on hitting your temp vs. a thinner steak.
As far as cooking is concerned, I’d probably go with thebeer cooler sous vide method, followed by a good sear in a cast iron skillet with some oil. Basically what you’ll be doing is cooking it with water at a specific temp while it’s in the bag, and then searing the outside just long enough to make it a sort of chocolate brown color for flavor. Oh, and salt your steak well!
I prefer it to the others at the steakhouse if I’m drinking good red wine. But the other choices are great too for frown removal.
In fact, I’ll probably do something like that tomorrow.
My brother and I would lean towards some chunks of old currogated cardboard box.
And according to extremepumpkins.com , Boy Scouts will now take a roll of toilet paper, soak it in kerosene for 24 hours, and carry that to the campsite in something like an empty paint can. I haven’t tried this myself, but if you can’t get a campfire going with that as a starter, you probably deserve to freeze to death
Wasn’t that the standard OA ceremony torch?
We typically did it old-school- we’d shave little twigs into little piles of shavings, and use pine needles, etc… as tinder, along with kindling sticks whittled a bit to look vaguely christmas-treeish.
About the only way I can think of, if you’re bent on grilling, would be to marinate overnight in some tenderizing solution. Most of the recipes I’ve seen involve slow cooking, braising, pounding, and other methods to break up those collagen fibers.
Round steak diced in soup or chili is OK but as a steak it’s not a good cut.
Yeah, but that’s the problem. Eye of round isn’t particularly collagen-rich, so it kind of sucks in braising applications, too. I’ve found zero good use for it, and doubly so because it just tastes so completely bland.
Slice it thin, run it through the tenderizer a few times, quickly sear then feed it to the dog. Round just doesn’t work too well in steak applications.
Round steak just needs a good cubing, then the glorious magnificence of Chicken-fried-steak will emerge.
Eye of round makes good corn beef or does OK in a crock pot. I have had some success as a roast by shoving spices in lots and lots of slits and then cooking it at 250F after browning.
Not too bad if you cook it in a way that be pulled like a tougher piece would be but ya, I have to treat it like chicken typically and expect the flavors from other sources.
Oh, good point. I usually use top round or top sirloin for this. I might have to try it with eye of round one of these days, if for some reason I am tempted to buy eye of round (which, frankly, is unlikely.)