How lovely to see you! Thank you for coming…you can leave your coats right over there.
There’s a lot happening here, so let me just give you a few tips.
We have a lot of food. There’s carved duck and roast beef and boiled shrimp and crab claws, as well as veggies with ranch dip and sliced fruit with a raspberry yogurt dip for our vegetarian Dopers. There’s also a large variety of pastas with different sauces. Wolfgang and Emeril are hard at work in the kitchens, so dig in.
Oh, that? That’s our dessert and coffee table. Like the Krispy Kreme tower cake? The donuts are fresh and hot, and thanks to the latest Star Trek technology, they will stay fresh and hot for the duration of the party. We also have a nice variety of biscotti, cookies, cakes, pies, and pastries, as well as about two dozen different flavors of coffees and teas.
There’s a full bar over there, and we have sodas and fruit juices and virgin drinks for our Recovering Dopers. There’s also Guiness and Fosters on tap, and warm sake’ as well. Remember, if you drink, don’t drive. I will confiscate your car keys.
Down the hall to your left is a room with two 50 inch screen TV’s. One is hooked up to an Xbox, the other, to a PS2. We have a wide variety of games. Please remember to take turns.
Across the hall from the Video Game room is a Massage Room, where herbal wraps and sea salt facial scrubs are also being offered. Enjoy.
At the end of the corridor is the Mud Wrestling Room. To participate, please pay Sven $10. The proceeds will go to the Society for the Care and Feeding of the Straight Dope Hamsters.
To your right is a lecture room, where we continue our ever popular “Ask The” series. There is a whiteboard, video tape player, and computer if you have visual aids.
Across the lecture room you will find a temperature and humidity controlled room, stocked with a large selection of the finest hand rolled cigars. Sherry and port are also available, and Gabrielle will help you with your choices.
Since it’s Christmas, the band will be playing mostly holiday music, but they will take requests. I also have a karoake machine if anyone wants to sing along.
Upstairs we’re screening Lord of the Rings Two Towers. It will be playing all night, so if you miss the first showing, don’t fret. In theatres II and III we will be showing the first season of 24 and the back episodes of the Sopranos, if anyone missed those. Theatre IV will be showing episodes of The Simpsons. Popcorn and jujubes will be provided.
Enjoy yourselves, and you need anything, let me know and I will contact our Party Co-ordinator, Ramon. Thank you again for coming!
but who can resist The Two Towers, Simpsons, and massages?
