I get that. Much like Ambivalid, though, I think it’s far too rare that the conversation even starts. People will go to great lengths to try to guess, and are willing to make lots of wrong guesses in a row, rather than embarrass themselves by actually asking a question.
You know what they say, about the only dumb question being the one you never ask - this is a good example.
If Stephen Hawkins had been given a magic pill which would have allowed him to stand, walk, talk, and other things do you think he would have turned it down? Sure it made him a celebrity on tv shows but do you think in private life away from the cameras he enjoyed it?
Yes, in some ways persons in wheelchairs will say that the experience has changed their life for the better. BUT that doesnt mean they still like it. I remember Joni Erickson Tada, the Christian woman whos life after becoming paralyzed during a swimming accident, has been as a celebrity when asked she will still say no, she still wishes the accident had not happen and she could free herself from the wheelchair.
Along the same lines, do you think Ray Charles enjoyed being blind?
Do you know what adversity means? Basically it means misfortune. Nobody “likes” to experience misfortune. It’s not the freaking disability itself that is the source of the growth as a person, it’s what they discover about themselves and about the world by overcoming that misfortune and living a fuller life because of what has been learned.
Did you even bother reading the thread?
Honestly, and this is the honest-to-god’s truth, I’d really have to evaluate many complicated and nuanced factors and think long and hard if I was offered the chance to return to my 20 year old pre-injury self. Does that mean that I enjoy or cherish anything directly about my crazy skinny, non-working legs that necessitate use of a wheelchair? My fucking god no. But the relationships I’ve formed and the issues about myself that I had never had the courage or desire to face and was now forced to confront have helped me develop a more complex empathy towards humanity as a whole.
ETA: like I’ve told myriad people, you CANNOT know how you’d respond to major adversity until you have no choice but to respond.
Thank you for one of the best replies to this I’ve ever read.
Tomorrow a new treatment is devised which can restore full functionality to your legs, with no side effects or risks. Do you take it?
Under those conditions, after having the nearly two decades of experiences living without that functionality and everything that those experiences bring, yes, I’d take it.
But you see, one thing that most people don’t realize is that if a cure for spinal cord injury came out tomorrow, I’d have absolutely no interest in taking part. That is because my extremely atrophied legs have not been working legs in nearly two decades. Even if they were somehow able to become non-paralyzed, they would NEVER, no matter how many years of grueling physical therapy, ever resemble what I had known as walking. And that is assuming my legs COULD be make to support my upper body. I honestly truly believe they could not. But your hypothetical suggested magical transformation to my previous abilities and under those circumstances, yes, I would take it, as long as I was able to also take with me the years of adversity and what it’s taught me about the world and about myself.
I remember this was part of the controversy when actor Christopher Reeves whom after his riding injury that left him paralyzed, put most of his effort into fixing his body and physical rehab. Even going so far as to appear in a commercial showing this medical “miracle” where he could walk again.
He was criticized by others in wheelchairs who had found out it was best to accept their disability and move on. Learn to function as a new person.
I would never say such a thing to someone like Christopher Reeves. I could never know what sort of prison being paralyzed from the neck down is really like. And his high profile nature he could use to spring-board any success he had getting free from his prison to help others who were similarly maligned. Honestly, in my experience, some of the most pre-judicial people, for certain areas of life at least, against disabled are other disabled people.
And I have never ever ever seen any other catastrophic, life changing, permanent injury/disease that thousands, if not millions of people actually believe can be “beaten” if the victim “works hard enough” and “believes hard enough”. I find that garbage the most utterly ignorant and offensive shit, period. So acceptance and contentment are seen as “giving up”.
Missed edit window. And the worst part is the media and big movies perpetuate this myth that if you never give up, you’ll stand and be free of your chains (wheelchair). The inspirational shit with its glorious music in the background that makes all the able-bodied people watching feel good. But it just perpetuates falsehoods. And it makes me sick, to be honest.
I’ve always harbored a fear of becoming a quadriplegic because I wouldn’t be capable of ending my own life. I can see where a disabled person could view that as offensive when, in reality, it’s just how I feel personally about the situation, not how I feel about the disabled suffering from that condition.
I absolutely understand that fear. That’s why above I described being paralyzed from the neck down as a prison.
Now one thing to keep in mind is quadriplegic does not mean all 4 of your limbs are totally paralyzed and non-functional. It means that all four limbs have at least some degree of paralysis. Many quads have limited use of their arms, with hand function being the most impaired.
And believe it or not, you can be a quadriplegic and still be able to walk. ‘Walking quads’ are those whose injuries are much more pronounced in their arms and upper bodies, while the legs and lower bodies, while still impaired by paralysis, are to a low enough degree to allow some form of upright ambulation.
The “it’s because he was in a wheelchair” excuse certainly does not work for me!
His book “A Brief History of Time” in 1988 was a major move in bringing modern physics to the public. He designed it to meet the level of the non physicist, to appeal to everyone. He worked tirelessly with numerous editors to find a way to describe the universe as seen by the modern physicist - a field made hugely complex and beyond the abilities of that day’s science communicators due to the advent of quantum mechanics, relativity, etc.
With that book and other work, he changed the whole field of science communication, establishing a new way of talking about physics, a change that can be seen in pretty much all subsequent progress in communication. With that work and others, he offered the world a better understanding of our universe.
Laying off his fame on his wheelchair is just not acceptable. It certainly made him physically identifiable. However, the dual factors of major communication understanding and the amazing progress he made in physics would have made him a star in the world of science regardless of any other factor.
You see something like this in the deaf community where they are against cochlear implants saying that their is nothing wrong with being deaf.
Also little people are against bone lengthening procedures.
BTW, I just want to toss this in although its slightly unrelated.
I work around alot of kids with disabilities. I have been to alot of different events and I can say kids in wheelchairs or those on crutches are about 1 in 10. Most kids at those events have autism or some other developmental disability which may not be obvious.
Now the thing is, guess which kids get all the attention? Yep, the kids in the wheelchairs. People swarm around them and ignore the others.
The WORSE part is guess which kids get to be on all the advertisements and brochures? Yep, kids in wheelchairs. Why? They get the most sympathy especially the cute smiling ones.
Sorry, its a pet peeve of mine.
One thing I tell all parents of a kid in a wheelchair is that when they are asked to sign a release waiver allowing others the use of their kids picture - DON’T! Just say “Call Me”. Why? Groups will take a picture of your kid, put it on a pledge drive brochure, and bring in millions of dollars and your kid wont see a cent of it!
Well, the whole Deaf community (and yes, that’s Deaf with a capital D) is a whole different story all together. That would probably merit its own separate thread, in fact.