Stern the Stentorious: Modern cognomens

Inspired by the thread “The Great,” “The Lionhearted,” “The Terrible,” and “The Conqueror”, etc.

What are some modern cognomens (epithets) you’d like to see?

I’ll start it off with a six-pack from the parent thread:

Bush the Benighted
Rush the Unread
Clinton the Carpetbagger
Whoopi the Whiney
Rosseanne the Rude
Michael the Maladjusted

Moore the Fat
Douglas the Lucky
Carey the Irritating
Canseco the Rat
Bonds the Juiced