Stick that Bible up your ass!

So I am seemingly innundated with people who are attempting to legislate morality and spirituality. Even on this board, I have been emotionally drained while reading:

  • The link to that enlightened Sherriff’s manifesto which degraded anyone who didn’t think like he.

  • ARG’s willful ignorance and rank ability to ignore facts while using the book he thumps to answer every question. Meanwhile, he claimed people who belong to the “Church of Christ Latter Day Saints” are noe believers in Christ.

  • Guiliani telling an art museum that they will get their funding pulled unless the art is up to his moral standards.

You know what? I pass churches every day. I have no reason to think THEY shouldn’t exist and that we should burn the Bible. But that’s how they think anyone who is different from them should be handled, right?

You cannot legislate morality in a free country. You cannot force your ideology upon others in a free country.

So shut the fuck up and try and do something good on this world, something I think God would want. A few suggestions:

Quit whining about abortion rights and help educate those about their choices BEFORE the unwanted pregnancy occurs. Take in someone who needs help. Show some charity.

Don’t complain about religion in public schools, make your own Sunday school and summer programs at your church better.

Shut the hell up about gays. Unless one of them tries to fuck you up the ass, let them do what they want. I don’t know of any gay people who say that streigh, God-fearing Christians are somehow living in the “wrong, unnatural” manner, so why do you care what someone does in the privacy of their own homes?

I am so SICK of all of this…

More people have died in the name of “religion” than all other causes, wars, famines and plagues in the history of mankind COMBINED! This would give a logical reason to say that religion should be outlawed, right?

Well, I don’t want it outlawed. That would make me worse than you assholes. Just shut the hell up and leave me alone, you bunch of fucking hypocrites!

Okay, I don’t know how much sense the above makes. It was stream-of-thought-stuff and I’m not proof-reading it. I don’t intend on this coming off as a bashing of everyone who has spiritual beliefs. Hell, even I do. It’s the way an overwhelming percentage of these “enlightened” folks (hey - They call themselves a “majority”!) go about their business that I cannot stand.

Yer pal,

I am 100% in accord with the dark one.

I would remind you satan that most of the spiritual stuff on the board seems to be restricted to properly labeled threads, making them easier to ignore.(I do).

I like the point you made about prayer in schools…talk about a captive audience, kids in school. We had a couple of kids in my early grades who were some different religion (it was never explained to us kids) and they were put out in the hall like freaks every time we did religous shit in class…even in the very early grades I thought this was cruel, and it helped to turn me off the catholic garbage they were desperate to fill me with at church and chatechism.
( it was not a religous school, just a public one)

I still cant force myself to begin the religous indoctrination of my boys that everyone seems to expect.

Man Satan, if that was stream-of-though you have some damn good typing, spelling and grammar skills.

What you said makes perfect sense to me. These people and their G.O.D. (Group of Dogmatics) really wear on society. Their belief system insists on witnessing and conversion to their church.

My cynical belief is that these poor bastards proselytize for the following reasons:

1 - Cause the bible told them so
2 - In increase church attendance, thus more tithing.
3 - To shore up their uncertain beliefs. It doesn’t take guts to say Jesus. That’s singing to the choir. It takes guts to say Darwin.

The last two, of course, aren’t very christian (or whatever), and makes them feel unworthy. As is their nature, they need to seek out others to “lord over.” Their proselytizing is nothing more than chest beating in an attempt to be your “superior.”

So, when some witnesses to you, just imagine them a gorilla hooting and beating its chest.

Why do I always follow kelli, who follows Satan?

As much as I dislike Satan on a personal level, he often makes excellent points, and I believe he is very intelligent, twitch and I dont follow him!

Ack!twitch, I agree with people when they are right, I dont let my personal twitch feelings affect who I agree with…twitch
must go get medication again!

And you follow me 'cuz I am sooooo cool! :wink:

Amen, Satan.

Hmmm. Wouldn’t that send ARG into a frenzy? :smiley:

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

  • Bertrand Russel

I normally don’t get into religious conversations, but on this one I must say that I agree.
Let God (or whoever) be the judge of who is right and who is wrong. If gays/athiests/whoever are going straight to hell for their beliefs or behavior, what’s it to (collective) you? MYOB, is my opinion. It is not any of our jobs to judge the morality of others. Try helping instead.

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips (stolen from matt’s webpage)

Aren’t most laws an attempt to “legislate morality?” I.e. murder laws (Thou shalt not kill), larceny (thou shalt not steal), etc…

I think you should make the distinction about legislating personal morality- things that have nothing to do with you (homosexuality, abortion, porn). I’m just playing devil’s advocat… well, maybe not in this case :slight_smile:

My thoughts exactly.

Hear hear, Satan. Well said, and very, very true.

This just in …

The first-ever college for home-schooled Christian students is scheduled to open in fall 2000. According to the founder, Mike Farris (a complete ASSHOLE who was mercifully defeated when he ran for lieutenant governor of VA a few years ago), the school will “transform America” by filling “the highest offices in the land” with its graduates. All students will therefore be government majors, although they will receive a general Bible-centered education in other subjects, including evolutionary theory – which they will study, in Farris’ words, so that they can “explain why it’s wrong.”

The name of this fine institution of higher education? Patrick Henry College. Something tells me the founding fathers are probably rolling over in their graves just now …

Hey, now, Prince of Evil, don’t go painting us all with one big tarbrush! We ain’t ALL wild-eyed drooling fanatics, ya know! (Besides, the worst wild-eyed drooling fanatics are not religious people, they’re members on the Montana Militia who rant and rave on and on about “black helicopters”, and that kind of crap.) My thoughts concerning your post:

Skip over it. I skip over reams of stuff that doesn’t interest me every day. Unless you’re a moderator, you don’t have to read everything.

This has been done to death, and the kid ain’t even here any more. Drive on.

Personally, I don’t think ANY museum should be getting ANY public funding. If a museum is good enough to get support by the paying public, it’ll stay open. If it isn’t, it’ll close. It’s called, “letting the people vote with their pocketbooks.”

Not all of them. Thou dost generalize, my son. Really, most of them are just trying to keep their own members from what they believe to be wrong behavior, and it’s increasingly difficult to do this in an age where the dominant secular (and many times, anti-religious) culture permeates literally everything. Unless they choose to go to the middle of Outer Mongolia and completely disconnect from the modern world (don’t say “amen” too loudly, Satan!) it’s impossible to get away from the corrosive environment we wade through every day. As a result, they’re trying, however feebly, to control what they believe to be overwhelming waves of bad influence from pulling them under. In their eyes, it’s not so much that they’re trying to control what everybody else does, it’s that they feel threatened by what the dominant secular culture is forcing them to partake in.

True. But doesn’t that work both ways? If we have a truly “diverse” and “multicultural” society (two ideas that are total baloney from the get-go) then everybody, religious people and secular atheists both, ought to have a share in what goes on. The problem is, both sides spend 90% of their time trying to exclude the other side from having it’s say.

Join in and help, Brian. Open a soup kitchen with your extra buckage. Spend some time with developmentally-disabled children. Volunteer at a shelter for battered women. Do something good for your fellow man instead of bitching about what other people are supposed to be doing and aren’t. Set an example. Be an inspiration.

I agree. Better yet, use the birth control available to prevent pregnancy before you go engaging in casual sex. However, since we all know that people engage in sex all the time who are A) Stupid; B) Uncaring; C) Drunk; D) High; E) Mentally immature; F) A Host Of Other Variables, that’s going to be extremely difficult to enforce. It’s a fact of life that there will always be people out there breeding who have no business doing so. Sad, but true.

Refer to the point preceeding the previous one above.

Better yet, do like many members of evangelical churches are doing, and pull your kids out of public schools entirely. Don’t try to change public schools. Simply send your kids to your own church schools, and let public schools wither on the vine. They’re not worth saving, anyway. They don’t work.

Most of the brouhaha about gays is not about average gays who mind their own business and live their lives. It’s about militant groups like ACT-UP and Queer Nation who have rallying crys like “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re going to corrupt your children”, or whatever it is. People with small children who do not endorse the homosexual lifestyle aren’t supposed to feel threatened by that? A tad unrealistic, I think. Should we legitimize groups like NAMBLA, and let them do whatever they want with whomever they want? Once again, it’s a case of some people saying they want nothing to do with this type of influence or activity; but the proponents of that activity are telling them they WILL accept it in all areas of life (schools, marriages, adoption of children etc.) whether they like it on not, and trying to force such acceptance through through by legislation and other means. I think it was Satan who said,

But that works both ways, doesn’t it? So how do we solve this? Maybe we should divide the country in half, with Them What Does Accept All This on one side, and Them What Doesn’t on the other. Impractical, but boy it would sure solve a lot of problems, wouldn’t it?

Join the club.

Incorrect. More people have died in the name of politics than all other causes combined. Even in the case of so-called “religious” wars like the Crusades or the Spanish conquest of America, or even the Jewish wars in the Old Testament, may have begun or continued under a guise of religion, but scratch them a little, and you’ll find good old politics right underneath the surface. Wars are fought because some king wants what some other king has, or because my capitalist leaders don’t agree with your Communist leaders, or because we don’t want you in here, so go back to Germany or England or Russia, or whatever. Granted, a slick leader like a king or pope or president can appeal to religious sensitivities to help support a war—but it’s guaranteed that religion won’t be the cause of, or the reason behi

Just a thought:
If we stuck a bible up Satan’s ass, would that be an insult to God or to Satan? I mean in theory, Satan shouldn’t want a BIBLE up his ass, right? But knowing that it would piss off God, wouldn’t Satan eagerly bend over? But then on the other hand, if God saw the irony of it, (you know: cramming a BIBLE up SATAN’s ass) she may do the cramming… :wink:

hear hear satan! I am a christian, and I’ve never “witnessed” to anyone. If people ask me questions, I’ll tell them. I think christians should live their lives so people see that they’re trying to be like Jesus (and would He come on here and mention someone’s yeast problem? ;). Let your life be a witness. Those that can’t do, talk about it! Amen :o

Do you really believe that anyone has said this?

Pickman, I dont think it is appropriate to compare NAMBLA to regular homosexuals. Pedophilia and homosexuality are not the same thing, and it is that type of hysterical comparison by fanatics that ends up with dead teenage homosexuals beaten to death by rednecks.

you are obviously well read and articulate, and I am assuming you used NAMBLA to make a point.

Now we both know that the groups saying “we’re here…” mean they want to change the perception of gays, not rape children.

Pickman’s Model:

Your NAMBLA reference, your quote already referenced above, and trying to pawn off religious deaths as political casualties (Sure they’re political deaths, since they involved a church or orgnized religion getting political!) doesn’t dissuade me one iota that you’re not one of THEM.

And of course, those people are rarely Christians.

Huh. I don’t think any CHURCHES should be getting public support. But they do, in the form of no property taxes and no sales taxes. Whether they do any charitable works or not. That’s right, the looniest New Age church gets the same tax breaks as the Episcopals. I say, if you can’t support your church from the offering, close down. It’s called “Soak your own fucking congregation and leave me out of it.” P.S.–In some states, consumers don’t have to pay sales taxes when they buy Bibles, too. But only Christian Bibles. Not the Koran or any heathen writings.

Well, at least he isn’t confusing NAMBLA with gay-rights organizations or something egregious like that. Whoops!

Well, no, a great many of them are trying to make it illegal to be homosexual or use birth control.

Why is it that so many areas with high crime rates and high rates of teenage pregnancy correlate strongly with areas with a lot of fundmentalist Christians? What’s up with that?

Nobody is forcing any of them to be gay or have abortions. They, on the other hand, are trying to prevent everyone else from doing just that. Oh, and trying to force them to be Christian, also.

Yes, that’s what this country needs is more stupid people.

Oh, clearly.

Sure it is. Every time a homosexual or gay couple dares to ask, “Um, can we have the same rights as everyone else and not get beat up when we hold hands on the street and stuff?” the outcry arises.

My bullshit detector just exploded. You are a lot smarter than this. Or so I thought.

Well, since it doesn’t exist, clearly not. However, where do you think all the homosexuals we have now come from?

Boy, I wish my bullshit detector hadn’t just broken. I could really use it here.

People are going to be homosexuals whether the Christians like it or not, and they are free to move to Iran at their earliest fucking convenience. You do understand the difference between doing something yourself and allowing others to do it, right?

No, because religion certainly isn’t a ready-made tool for causing divisiveness and strife.

If they want to be left alone by the governments, they can bloody well pay their taxes like good citizens. In fact, to complain about NEA endowments when not paying taxes strike me as the height of hypocrisy. As far as the other things, if they would stop trying to prevent others from being homosexual, atheistic or otherwise, maybe they’d have an easier time. I don’t care who wants to be Christian; I do care when they try to force others to be.

[[Most of the brouhaha about gays is not about average gays who mind their own business and live their lives. It’s about militant groups like ACT-UP and Queer Nation who have rallying crys like “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re going to corrupt your children”, or whatever it is. People with small children who do not endorse the homosexual lifestyle aren’t supposed to feel threatened by that? A tad unrealistic, I think. Should we legitimize groups like NAMBLA, and let them do whatever they want with whomever they want?]] Pickman’s Model
Phil has already satisfactorily addressed my many objections to the Pickman post (which post, frankly, took me by surprise in its lack of wisdom), but I did want to emphasize how distressingly unfortunate this passage is. Conflating gay rights groups with pedophiles is pandering ignorantly to the basest kind of anit-gay sentiments.
[[ But the simple fact of the matter is, as I’ve said before, religion has replaced Communism as the all-encompassing evil bugaboo in this country.]]
Perhaps you dwell in a specialized world (academia, for instance), but out in the real world this is simply nonsense. When was the last time you saw a politician claiming to be an atheist?

Actually I thought the “bugaboo” comment was fairly accurate- for popular culture. I can’t think of the last time I saw a videogame, movie, or TV show where a main character was a positively portrayed religious person of any denomination. At least not a good show/movie/game- crappy TV shows or anything on PAX doesn’t count.

Well, maybe Ned Flanders.

Back on topic…

Satan said, “Stick that Bible up your ass!”

“I can’t,” retorted the chief. “Palidors needs it to reach his keyboard!”