Still alive: cast River Phoenix

River Phoenix is alive! He is now 36, roughly the same age as Ethan Hawke, Ewan Mcgregor, and Matt Damon. A little older than DiCaprio, a littler younger than Pitt.

What movies would he have starred in if he had never died?

I think he would have had Jude Law’s role in Cold Mountain.

He would have been Lestat in that stupid Queen of the Damned movie and it still would have sucked a hairy nutsack.

And he would have made a creepy as, albino as Silas in The Da Vinci Code

And he would have been awesome in Requiem for a Dream.

He would have been great as Billy in Six Feet Under but probably too flakey for a TV gig and Jeremy Sisto owned that role.


He’d be the same age as Obi Wan. That would be weird.

Are we talking about zombie River Phoenix? He’d have a lot of roles with the zombie revival of the past few years.

Nope. He never died. So he is now 36 years old.

Zombie Phoenix would be in quite the predicament though: “Brrrraaaaaiiiiiii - wait, I’m a vegan! - Lettuce heeeeeeeeeaaaaads! Leeeeeeeeettuce heeeeaaaaads…”

After seeing My Own Private Idaho I’m pretty jaded as to where he would have been good or not. That movie scarred me back then (91’). EEEWWW!