Still alive: cast River Phoenix

Cafe Society
1

River Phoenix is alive! He is now 36, roughly the same age as Ethan Hawke, Ewan Mcgregor, and Matt Damon. A little older than DiCaprio, a littler younger than Pitt.

What movies would he have starred in if he had never died?

I think he would have had Jude Law’s role in Cold Mountain.

He would have been Lestat in that stupid Queen of the Damned movie and it still would have sucked a hairy nutsack.

And he would have made a creepy as, albino as Silas in The Da Vinci Code

And he would have been awesome in Requiem for a Dream.

He would have been great as Billy in Six Feet Under but probably too flakey for a TV gig and Jeremy Sisto owned that role.

2

Anakin.

3

He’d be the same age as Obi Wan. That would be weird.

4

Are we talking about zombie River Phoenix? He’d have a lot of roles with the zombie revival of the past few years.

5

Nope. He never died. So he is now 36 years old.

Zombie Phoenix would be in quite the predicament though: “Brrrraaaaaiiiiiii - wait, I’m a vegan! - Lettuce heeeeeeeeeaaaaads! Leeeeeeeeettuce heeeeaaaaads…”

6

After seeing My Own Private Idaho I’m pretty jaded as to where he would have been good or not. That movie scarred me back then (91’). EEEWWW!