Well, ladies and gentlemen, I just got back from the state games, where I went to compete in and officiate wrestling. I’m proud to say that I’m still winless in the Open division, having added two losses to the 4th- and 5th-place finishers in my weight class to the already enormous list of plusses in the “L” column.
How should I commemorate such a milestone? My first thought was to have a print run of t-shirts that said, “I just beat Tom F****** and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” and then underneath “… and possibly a medal or trophy of some sort.” The plan was to hand these t-shirts out to high-level wrestlers who beat me, particularly those with world medals (I seem to wrestle a disproportionate number of national and world medalists).
However, that looks like it’s going to be far too expensive. So here’s the next idea. The front would be structured thusly: Centered on top, my name… centered below, the logo for my wrestling club, New York Super Six Wrestling… and then on the bottom, ‘0-27.’ The back would have the phrase “Beaten By The Best,” followed underneath by a list of the guys who have helped me along this inauspicious trail.
Maybe I could even turn pro and start a Goldberg thing… “I’m 0-27… who’s next?!”
Thank you for your time.