“The invisible man is here, sir.”
“Well, tell him I can’t see him!”
You’dNeverGuess I think it’s Black & Red paint.
The best “stock” jokes are movie soundbytes. Esp when the other person ‘gets’ it.
Fi-hundred dollah?
Fi-Hundred dollah!!
Fi-hundred dollah?
Fi-Hundred dollah!!!
I digress.
Relentless, brutal repetition is the key to lots of jokes. They don’t even have to be funny–they just have to be repeated again and a again and again.
Example: It’s not a stock joke (except to me and this particular acquaintance), but I had a college classmate named “Ed Hay” and I’d walk past him on the way to classes every day, and I would say, “Hey, Ed,” then snicker. Every day. Infantile humor, I know, but it grew and grew and provided lots of giggles and titters for quite a long time. He was such a good sort that he stopped minding after the few several weeks and even, he alleged, grew to look forward to my greetings.
I just flew in from Boston…
…you know the rest. 
I love people falling down. I feel really bad when one of my friends or my boyfriend trips, or even just stumbles a bit, but hey its hilarious!
My boyfriend was telling me some random trivia about Napoleon one night and I just couldn’t resist asking him:
“Where does Napoleon keep his armies?”
“What are you talking about?”
“IN HIS SLEEVIES!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!” collapses into a spasming fit of laughter for 10 minutes
I’m secretly giggling to myself just thinking about that!
That’s what your mom said last night!
It works for anything.
That’s what she said.
That’s what she said.
OK, I’ll stop, I promise.
Old man dead-panning:
“Do they still have happy hour? Cause, I don’t drink any more…but I don’t drink any less, either!!”
It’s a 1920’s style death ray.
Sorry, seeing this phrase pop up in a thread still makes me laugh.
Runs away laughing dodging things being thrown at me.
“Walk this way” always gets me.
When I was in college, the stock routine was…
Person 1: “Walk this way,”
Person 2: “If I could walk that way… never mind”
Dummies!
That was for you, Trunk.
When I was a whitewater raft guide, the same stock jokes would be told to the customers every day. And they made me laugh every day. We never got tired of them. Maybe because they made the customers laugh every time. My favorite one was told when the customers had just gotten on the bus on the way up to the put-in. They’d be sitting there in life jackets and helmets and feeling a bit nervous. One of the guides would stand up and ask them “How many of you have never done this before?” Most of the customers would nervously raise their hands. The guide would then say “You’ve never ridden on a bus before???” Got me every time.
What do you call a spider with no legs??
A raisin.
chortle chortle