i’m an iranian that’s been living in the south since i was in second grade. i’ve had to deal with a lot of the narrow minded southern people for a majority of my life. (please note that i’m saying that all southern people are narrow minded. i know that is not true.) it isn’t exactly an easy task to bite my tongue and try to ignore people all the time.
i have lived in a college town for the past several years and figured that things have got to be a little better around here. i was wrong. this is just one encounter i’ve had. there are many others.
about three years ago i became good friends with a coworker. since my hometown is several hours away i used to spend a lot of time with her family which was only a twenty minute drive away.
then one day i met her grandfather. the minute he found out that i was from iran, he decided upon a little nickname for me… terrorist. every one thought it was funny. i asked my friend talk to him about it. i don’t know if she did and he ignored it, or if she simply didn’t think it was a big enough deal. all that summer whenever he was around he’d call me by that name. he’d even introduce me to people that way. granted i should have probably said something directly to him, but i’m not one to want to cause embarassment for anyone no matter how much they deserve it and i never had a chance to pull him aside to ask him to stop. this “joke” is more than just that. it revealed to me how this person thought of all middle eastern people.
this is all i ask:
please stop calling me a terrorist, camel jockey, camel fucker and any other stereo typical slander you can think of. i am none of them. don’t ask me where my dot is (that’s a completely different culture, btw) or why i don’t wear one of “them rags” on my head. don’t try to convince me that women are oppressed and receive no education- my mother graduated tehran polytechnic with an engineering degree in 1980, my grandmother has been working since the 1940s to help support the family. don’t assume you know everything about the place because you’ve seen “not without my daughter”. open up a little and be willing to learn, not just assume everything you see on tv is true.
thanks for your time. this has been bothering me for years.
~SR
Wow. I think you must be a more generous prson than I am, because I would have told that guy off long ago. “Terrorist”? WTF? :mad:
Anyway, you have my sympathies, but I really think you need to confront this guy and tell him how such a nickname makes you feel. That is not acceptable in a civilized society.
it’s been a few years since i’ve even seen him. i’m no longer friends with that girl.
but should i have to tell everyone off? this is just one example of what i’ve encountered in my life. there are many, many others ranging from just a mild offense to out right prejudice. my mother has seen even more of this than i have. we can’t go around constantly telling everyone off our entire lives.
Same thing happened to a friend of mine who once took contract work in a small town in the US - he’s Pakistani (not that the distinction makes a difference), and a co-worker kept giving him annoying racist nicknames - terrorist, camel-f*cker, raghead, etc. The others said nothing, either way, but were all small-town white boys - so my friend got very alienated.
It all came to a head over drinks after work one friday - everyone was at the (one and only) local bar, when our nasty boy made one comment too many. My friend just cracked - he “saw red”, grabbed the fellow by the front of his shirt, and said “that is enough. I’ve had enough of your shit. It’s not funny any more. Put up or shut up.”
The man whined that it was just a joke, he didn’t mean anything by it, etc. etc. In other words, he shut up.
What really surprised my friend was the reaction of the other fellows - far from siding with racist boy, they came up to him and congratulated him for standing up for himself! It turned out that they were mostly fine fellows, but it is part of their (macho) culture not to intervene when someone is being bullied in this way - a “man’s gotta stand up for himself”. [I’m explaining, not condoning, their behaviour]. When he does so, he’s “one of the boys”, even if he’s from Pakistan.
However, I don’t see how this approach will help your situation - one can hardly use the same technique on “grandpaw”. The miserable old bastard knows you can’t retaliate. Best to just avoid him.
yes, i live in tennessee. knoxville, actually. but i grew up in clarksville (that’s about an hour north of nashville). but i’ve also lived in alabama… southern alabama.
i know not all southerners are bigotted hicks. of my two best friends from growing up, one was born and raised in the south. the other’s father’s family is from south carolina. i’ve never gotten any remarks like this from either of their families. actually they’ve always been kind, open and curious. i don’t mind answering questions… i just mind the way that they’re phrased.
Geez, I feel bad for you and am embarrassed by my fellow southerners all at the same time. Not that that is an infrequent occurrence mind you. Ignorance and prejudice runs deep. I’m sorry.
ShadiRoxan, I hope this is the worst you have to put up with. (that hardly sounds like well-wishing, eh?)
Here in Tucson, the local mosque had an incident. Some lady decided to throw shoes and other objects at a bunch of little kids in the yard. I’ve been participating in a round-the-clock vigil at the mosque, and we’ve been seeing and hearing some things that would be just disgusting if they weren’t scary.
people haven’t treated me much different post 9/11. my mother on the other hand has witnessed a horrible backlash. it’s probably mainly due to the fact that she’s a process engineer for a large factory. not only is there a concentration of these types of people but she also has a position of authority over them which they just don’t take too kindly to.
also the day of 9/11, my ex-boyfriend at the time would not let me go to campus by myself. he feared the treatment i might get since i do look slightly different. i’m only half iranian, but the middle eastern look is dominant. (those of you curious, you can look at my webpage… address is in my profile)
i didn’t receive as much problems as you’d think that day. but i was also on a college campus, not out about town.
A couple months ago, my husband was chatting with a coworker one day, and asked out of curiosity what his ethnic background was, since he had something of an accent. The guy replied, “Assyrian.” My husband was obviously trying to think of what country that ethnicity was from, so the coworker quietly said “Iraq.” A lightbulb went on over my husband’s head, and they engaged in a very respectful conversation about it, but I can definitely understand his reluctance to be specific!
To the OP: I’m sorry people have been such jerks. It seems like anyone can be singled out for such treatment - my husband was one of a few Italian kids at an otherwise all-Irish Catholic grade school, and he grew up constantly being called wop, dago, guinea, and any other names you can think of - but it sounds like people are being particularly stupid and nasty in your case. At least you can know that you’re a better person than they are, if they seem impervious to reason.
The Southern Poverty Law Center has been keeping a list of hate crimes against Arab and Muslim Americans since September 11, 2001. Reading it is almost enough to bring me to tears of embarassment and rage at these disgusting bigots who would do such heinous acts against their fellow Americans.
‘Southern Poverty Law Center’. The name evokes images of the poor, the disenfranchised, the meekest among us. Yet even they can afford to capitalize some of their letters.
If people post in all lower-case letters, then terrorists have already won.
I was attending Saint Louis University in 1979 when the hostage crisis in Tehran started. Some asswipe got a gun and held the university’s switchboard operator hostage for several tense hours, demanding the names and addresses of all the Iranian students (there were a lot of them there). Eventually he surrendered to police and went to jail. SO WHO’S THE FUCKIN’ TERRORIST?! This violent bigotry against the Other is nothing new. Keep your self-respect, hold your head high, don’t let the racist turn you 'round.
ShadiRoxan, shabash, shoma yek hayrat-angiz ziba khanom hastid. I’m speechless. All I can say is: Bring more Iranians over here!!!
my farsi has gotten so bad from lack of use i had to call my mom to figure out what everything meant. slightly embarassing. really need to brush back up on that persian again.
Shadi, I’m sorry you have to put up with shit like this. Soon after 9/11, I began dating an Indian girl , who had to put up with a bit of crap, herself. (Of course, she attends San Francisco State, so I imagine her problems couldn’t hold a candle to yours.)
As much as I think you should stand up for yourself, I’m afraid that if you do anything remotely confrontational, then the “jokes” will adopt a much more accusatory tone. Even in San Fran-fucking-cisco, it’s amazing how quickly someone can be “a little fag,” if the right people say they are. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you know that at the very least, the SDMB community will welcome you wholeheartedly for who you are. I hope the same will soon be true in the rest of your life.
And, perhaps I’m being whooshed, Brutus, but that post seems horribly inappropriate, given the thread.
ShadiRoxan, I really hate that you have had to endure this. You don’t have to be confrontational in your approach to the grandfather who calls you “terrorist.” Every single time he says it, just say, “I don’t relate to that name. Please call me Shadi.” Eventually he will understand. If he then continues to do it, you have lost nothing.
I wish that I knew more people from other cultures. I live in a very diverse city (in the South) but I haven’t found a way of establishing friendships except for one with a friend from India. So those of us who celebrate diversity are out there too.
BTW, I haven’t seen your photo, but I noticed for the first time in the late 1970’s how unusually handsome Iranian men are. Forgive me if that sounds shallow to you, but I’m an old woman who still has an eye for beautiful bone structure and expressive eyes.
it is a very strong organization with a reputation for getting things done. the law center is about compassion and fairness-- and I would never associate the word “meek” with it. Why would you have such a misconception?
by the way, you have an incomplete sentence and incorrect punctuation in your post, but i’ll try to overlook it this time.
All I can say is: Bring more Iranians over here!!!