All of the $100 bills that I’ve crammed into my mattress have made it hard to sleep.
Shes my age, its not like it’s creepy like that, i just happen to be older than her… I think.
Any misanthropic acerbic jackass who worries about what other people think is a pussy and needs to be kicked out of the club.
My grocery store has a similar problem. There are a couple of cashiers who just think they’re really, really witty. I avoid them like the plague.
So he’s an asshole whose idea of chivalry is to fuck someone else over for your benefit? You could probably solve the problem by reporting his theft to his supervisor.
I don’t think he’s being chivalrous at all. I think he’s too dumb and lazy to do a proper job and then tries to mask his incompetence with “charm.”
I’d have reported him to his supervisor that day but it would have been too obvious and the last thing I need is a teenage kid with a grudge.
First thing I thought of (shocking, I know). I like a good flirt, but this instance – which I can get behind, too, just do your damned job woman! – because she was being more annoying than creepy, reminds me more of the people in the Apple store who want to make small talk and become best buddies when I just want to buy some shit and get out of there. No means no.
The OP should get another (preferably sexier) girl to come into the shop with him, and act overtly like his girlfriend in front of this woman.
Nope, he need a grudge fuck with donkey punches. And possibly a dirty sanchez. That’ll cure what ails ya.
You’d better not be a Western Hills resident or you’ll need to turn in your “West Side” card. Free shit with a wink and a smile is par for the course there, along with drunken Catholic gambling in the Summer. It’s practically sacrosanct!
Now if you’re an East-sider, then…well, there’s no hope for you anyway. Maybe you’re a trendy North-sider artsy-fartsy type…
Hey Todderbob, how you doin’?
Todderbob’s doing well, thanks Wile E. As his imaginary girlfriend, I visited that skanky store ho, and she ain’t never gonna flirt wi’ my imago-man again.
You turned her gay?!
No, no Grunman.
She IS gay. I just straightened her out. Boy, was she embarrassed… and FTW, she didn’t flirt with me. We just went straight to a tonguey.
First off, I’m going to assume your assessment is accurate.
You’re doing it wrong. You have to act like the opposite. Act like you’re really really desperate. At first she’ll think this a good thing, but she’ll dislike it fast.
Or come in and talk about your boyfriend, and how great he is in the sack, and how you don’t understand how anyone finds women attractive.
Just do something besides the standard “I can’t risk offending her” crap. It’s the same thing I tell women. Just say you aren’t interested instead of playing games. Heck, I’ve got one, the “Let’s just be friends” speech. Every girl on the planet knows what that means, and yet they can’t get upset because it’s supposed to be a gentle way of letting people down.
Let’s see what else I can come up with–come in after the gym, smelling of stank. Spit on the floor, and fart in her presence. I’ve yet to meet a woman who will not talk about how gross that is.
Talk about some really, really freaky fetish. “Accidentally” slip up and refer to your boyfriend instead of your girlfriend.
I’m sure we could keep this going for a long time. You can even have fun with this and gradually get worse and see how long it will take.
If you do, throw in one about being a vampire. It’s the one thing that made me decide to dump one girl, but it would be fun to say stuff about yourself from the movie, and see how long until she catches on.
Hey, hey. Don’t believe for one second that West siders have a corner on drunken gambling at the church festivals! We Northern 'burbians get drunk and lose our money in the name of Christ, too. (And don’t think I don’t smirk when the reading where Jesus knocks over tables at the bazaar makes its rounds.) Oooh, the hypocrisy!
Another one to say “Thank you for not flriting”. Ugh, I hate when guys flirt with pretty girls in line ahead of me, I just want to shove them to the side so I can do my buying and get out.
That being said, stop hinting about having a girlfriend, and just say it. “I keep trying to bring my girlfriend in here but she hates this stuff.” Done.
I laugh because its true!
If she’s cute, send her my way 
Hey, Tubby Old Man, yeah you, Mr. New Balance Mall Walkers, Mr. Internet Lothario. I bet you’re reading this on a machine at the public library.
It’s not enough that I have a shitty job handing out bourbon chicken samples at the mall food court, but now I have to chat your lonely ass up every day.
Apparently you’re incapable of just taking the sample and moving along - though I can’t help but think that a diet based on that much processed meat is healthy. Noooo, you have to remind me about your “girlfriend” . . . . in Canada. Let me guess, you met her at summer camp
Look, it’s my job to hand out this candied pigeon meat. What’s you’re excuse for being here everyday? I swear, you’re single handedly keeping both the Radio Shack and Poster Hut in businesss.
And by the way, saying I can’t wait to get the hell out of here on a Friday afternoon is not the same as dropping hints that I’m free this weekend.
In closing, use the east entrance and avoid the food court, at least until the end of summer. I hear there’s a new girl at the Orange Julius by the GAP. I’m sure she’d love to hear about your girlfriend.