It’s true, my coworkers think I am some kind of loser.
The other day, while I was wrapping things up at work, I overheard my coworkers whispering about me. This annoyed me; if they had something to say, might as well say it to my face. I despise passive-agressive behavior, particularly in the workplace. If they don’t like me, fine, but they shouldn’t be so two-faced about it.
So I confronted them, and asked them what they were saying. One particular coworker, who I actually get along quite well with, explained in the most polite manner that none of the staff understood why I was still working there. Many of the staff were planning on quitting, because the job payed too low. Once, in the past, when I told some coworkers I was interested in managing a center like the one I work in, they scoffed and said the pay was too low. The coworker who asked me why I still work as a lowly Assistant Coach in the tutoring center, making $8 an hour when I just finished college, seemed to have trouble rationalizing why I worked in a job that hired primarily High School students, most of them 7 years my junior. Even some of my managers are younger than me. I’m sure to them, this seems like a lack of ambition on my part. Or maybe I lack the self-confidence to try something challenging? Or maybe because I did mediocre at a ho-hum college (SJSU) I don’t have a chance at doing anything serious?
I tried to explain to them that it isn’t about the money- I like what I’m doing and enjoy helping kids. Why did I stay? The flexible hours, the job experience, and the confidence I gained. Before this job, every other job I had was seasonal, temporary. This was the first job where I could work there for as long as I wanted, because I worked at a job stable enough not to worry about getting laid off, and I was a competent enough employee to avoid getting fired. Everybody else there is doing this as a purely temporary job; many of their families are rather affluent and they are just doing the job for extra cash. Most of them will go off to expensive private schools and already know exactly what they are going to spend the next 45 years of their life doing. I don’t have a problem with that, but unfortunately the people with this mentality can’t seem to get out of their shell and understand there are intelligent people out there that don’t necessarily want the highest-paying job, or the most important job. When I tell them I’m not sure exactly what I will do for a living, they looked shocked! Because I want to keep my options open? Because I didn’t want to plan out my life down to every last detail?!
If you want to be percieved as a winner act like one. If you are truly doing what you want why should you give a tin shit what your cow-orkers think, especially the ones who are quitting anyway? If you really have self confidence you probably would feel no need to rationalize yourself to anyone but yourself.
Are your co-workers high schoold students? Because that’s how they usually communicate with each other - Behind the back - and then somebody leaks it to the subject.
But Incubus I gotta tell you, you seem to spend a lot of time starting pit threads about your personal life. You might consider the possibility that you need a tune-up in the self esteem area.
I think that these co-workers are only high-lighting what you already fear - That you perceive yourself as an underperformer.
From your numerous posts you appear to be an above average intelligence person so you have the tools to take your life in any direction you want to go. You need the balls to use those tools and the faith in your ability.
If you want to continue and thrive in your existing vocation then step up and get your attitude about yourself and your job in order. If not, plan your plan man.
You’ve got it all wrong- its not like they make me feel insecure. I could care less.
It is the fact that they are unwilling to understand my own choices and accept me for it. Rather, they mutter about it over the water cooler. If I were so emotionally crippled, I wouldn’t be able to continue working there, or work as a piano teacher.
I do these things, but it doesn’t make my anger towards these other people go away. No matter how confident I am in my own job, they still get on my nerves. This isn’t about confidence. It is about respect. :mad:
Jesus, first that even sven pile-on for just saying, “I did a stupid thing with my ATM card, damn, that’s an annoyance,” and now Incubus has a Christ-complex just because he’s pitting coworkers for questioning why he’s staying at a job that pays decently, has security, and most of all, he enjoys?
Let this be a lesson to all of you; anything short of an above-knee amputation or coming home to find that you wife of 15+ years has been screwing Andy Rooney will result in questions as to why you keep allowing yourself to be the victim in losing fingers in laden African Swallow attacks or why your such a pathetic dweeb that you cannot pop Mr. Rooney a good one for touching your goddamned wife.
That’s just how people are. Especially when they think their opinions can be viewed as compliments: “he’s too smart to work here”, “she’s too pretty to date that dork”, “how can they stay so thin when they eat like that?”, etc. Few people (myself included, in all honesty) are good at being fully accepting of decisions and lifestyles that are radically different from what they consider the sensible way to do things.
Don’t take it personally. In this case, I suspect they really mean it as more of a compliment than a criticism, i.e. “you can do better”.
Oh, okay, I guess I hadn’t noticed. I only knew about even sven’s past because of the thread about her. Man oh man is school getting in the way of The Dope.
Incubus, I haven’t read enough of your threads to know anything other than what you’re posting about your job here. 2 things come to mind.
1.) How in the hell are you only making $8/hr in the San Jose market? Up here, kids working p/t at Taco Bell are getting a minimum of $6. F/T usually starts $7-$9. And taking into account cost-of-living differences (car insurance, housing, taxes, etc) even $6 here is probably close to $12-$14 there.
2.) A suggestion. If anyone questions your salary and you really are happy with your job and the pay, tell them you get a monthly stipend from a rich relative and therefore have more than enough money to be comfortable. Other than your accountant, bank and Uncle Sam, who the hell would know any different? Surely a little lie to those you think hold you in contempt is justified?
And if anyone can tell me how a person can live on $8/hr in San Jose, please enlighten me. I’m qualified to earn more than that and life is too easy being a Republican in ND.
Duffer, the job is a part-time position that had a schedule flexible enough to fit around my school schedule and other jobs. Yeah, that’s right, I also work as a Crossing guard and a Piano teacher. This was done while I was a full-time student at San Jose State, living with my mom to help keep expenses down.
I aspire to manage one of these centers in the future, but that probably won’t be feasable until May 2005. In the meantime, I will continue to look for full-time positions that work around my rehearasal schedule (I have been cast in a play at San Jose State).
Giraffe, you have a good point. Perhaps I have been rather touchy about these issues lately, maybe they just struck a nerve at a bad time for me. I’ve just finished my last semester in college, I am waiting for grades to come in and the various departments and beurocracies to confirm I am in fact graduating, I’m getting ready to participate in a highly anticipated production for the school theatre, and my dad just had back surgery and is currently recovering.
You are pitting teenagers for being teenagers, IMHO. They–and most other people–talk about people behind their back. They are often shocked to learn that it’s possible to choose employment based on enjoyment rather than salary. And I bet they don’t enjoy teaching as much as you do. So of course they won’t understand your choices. I don’t know why you’re acting so shocked by this.
Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if you worked at McDonald’s as a fry-jockey and one of your coworkers had a Ph.D in physics. Wouldn’t you have some suspicions about this guy? Wouldn’t you wonder why he didn’t want to aim higher? Wouldn’t you scratch your head a little if he thought McDonald’s was the best place in the world? Would having these thoughts mean that you didn’t respect him?
I’m not saying teaching is the same as working at a fast food place, but for your coworkers–it probably isn’t that much different (especially given the pay). Maybe that’s shameful on their part, but then again we’ve all had jobs that we’ve considered crappy. I don’t think it’s necessarily disrespectful for them to wonder why Incubus doesn’t want to work somewhere else. In fact, I’d take it as a compliment.
As for the talking about you behind your back, that’s not necessarily disrespectful either. I’d actually rather have people talk behind my back than talk about me to my face, but maybe that’s just me. Your previous posts indicate to me that you have no problem talking about other people behind THEIR backs, so you really shouldn’t be so wounded. Unless people start being rude and mean to your face (which is truly disrespectful), I would let it roll off my back. Otherwise, you start being paranoid and angry for no good reason.
I always thought that people who talk behind others’ backs are gutless. (Gutless losers, in many cases), but I guess it depends on how mean-spirited the talk is. However, in this case it may have been not done with malicious or mean-spirited intent—just people with too much time on their hands speculating about coworkers. Not the most admirable thing, but not a huge deal.
I guess to a certain extent it’s human nature and I can’t say that I’m immune to it myself, but it can get a little annoying to be the target of such treatment. The ironic thing is that often the chronic “back biter” (which these people may or may not be) would scream bloody murder if they got the same treatment themselves. They can dish it out but they can’t take it.
My advice to you is to enjoy yourself and don’t concern yourself about what these people are saying. They are still “wet behind the ears” (in some cases) which often can mean that they are very quick to pass judgment on others. It’s something for them to do, I guess, to keep their minds off their own insecurities. Or, perhaps it’s neutral (or good-natured) speculation. Sometimes people really don’t mean to be hurtful (though my confidence in the innate goodness of people has certainly taken a big hit in the past year or two).
And as far as using this forum as a place to kvetch—I’m coming to the conclusion that perhaps this isn’t the best place to voice such complaints. While many of the people here are absolute gems, unfortunately, there are more than a few who are gutless losers (of the backbiting kind). Who wants to give them more material? They thrive on tearing people down. Sad, pathetic, petty, but true.
yosemite, the thing is with Incubus specifically, so many of his OPs are pseudo-rants designed, wittingly or not, to attract compliments. “Oh, your co-workers are jerks!” “Oh, you’re a good-looking guy; I can’t believe no one will go out with you!” “Oh, you should try out for the play; don’t get down on yourself!” There are very few valid complaints, IMO. Just a lot of sighing about how no one appreciates his wonderfulness.
Yeah, there may be an element of that. (I confess I haven’t been keeping track.) But whether he has a tendency to do that or not, Incubus simply needs to stop starting such threads. Perhaps he’s totally justified in his rants (like I said, I haven’t been keeping track), but either way, there are people here who thrive in being snarky backbiters, and it appears that, right or wrong, he’s giving them ammunition.
