Used to be back in the dark ages there would be 10 or so punks sleeping in a squat with no heat. I remember spending the night in a pile that way more than once…guys, girls, gay, straight…it was just warmer that way. Of course a bed was not a luxury we could afford. And the guy who was into lighting his farts was on his own no matter what his orientation.
Now…Well, wouldnt bother me much, I suppose. I usually like to have an empty seat next to me in the theater because I’m repulsively enormous and other than Mrs Bdgr most people dont want me tresspassing on their personal space.
That seems a little odd to me. It’s not like people will see you in the car and think you are on a date. Yeah it’s a little awkward when you’re having dinner with a buddy and the waiter gives you your desert with two spoons (hey, it’s New York and my friend lives near Chelsea) but whatever.
I’m not really down for cuddling with another guy in the bed. If that makes me homophobic so be it. I just like to stretch out. Yeah, occassionally when I was younger you pile the guys in a hotel room to save money on a road trip, but you didn’t like it
And what’s the worst that can happen? When we were on spring break years ago, one of my friends had a dream that he was hooking up with a girl. Just as he was about to lean over and kiss her he awakens to “WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!!” “AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”
I don’t even like eating vegetables over 6" long
-Ned Flanders
In India, men walking down the street will even hold hands. Now being gay is not a good thing there, but an India-residing Doper will have to tell you the details of that. I just liked the fact that men there were not afraid or shy of being affectionate.
Huh. The last time I shared a bed with a guy was… about a month ago when I was visiting a friend in Chicago and another friend was there. We both just slept on the pull-out sofa. No big deal, and I can’t imagine why it would be. As for the movie seats, huh? I didn’t realize people actually did that. I can understand it at the urinals for all the above mentioned reasons, but I’m not usually in the habit of watching movies with my stuff all hanging out, so I’m baffled by this one. Why would you bother going with somebody then? If you like your privacy, do you put a seat when it’s you and a girl? This one makes no sense.
I do remember thinking it was weird when I was younger in Korea and the guys were much more physically affectionate than here, but I just got used to it.
That’s a good story. Sounds like you don’t have issues being in close physical proximity to other guys.
See, that’s an interesting response. Now sure, you’re in Chelsea, so you’re thinking “the waiter probably thinks we’re gay, and that makes me feel a bit weird.” But in most areas of the US, and certainly in other countries, two guys having dinner and then ordering one dessert would pretty much automatically get you two spoons, and the server really isn’t thinking “ah, what a cute gay couple.” It’s totally commonplace for two diners to share a dessert.
I should point out that my question about bed-sharing is totally separate from any questions about other displays of affection or intimacy between two straight guys. I totally wouldn’t expect two straight guys to cuddle under normal circumstances. I mean, sure if you’re with your all-time best buddy and you and he have just finished fighting off an army of Ninjas with your bare hands and your buddy saved your life by taking a sword through the gut and you’ve managed to get you & your bud stranded at the north pole and it’s 100 degrees below zero and you’ve only got one sleeping bag… but otherwise - nah.
I know it used to be in Europe men would display their affection for each other much more physically than in the US. In Russia, it was well talked about how men would not only hug a lot and hold hands, but they’d also kiss. Chinese men seem fairly affectionate with each other too.
Thing is, as countries get more westernized, guys seem to adopt a much more American attitude towards appropriate guy-guy PDAs. I’ve seen it in Europe and Russia. Never been to China, but I’ve had male Chinese exchange friends who thought nothing of wrapping their arms around my shoulders while talking. I’ve had elder Russian men hold my hand as we walked along, discussing the day’s lessons, etc. But lately, you don’t see younger Russians doing that much anymore.
In the US, I’m not sure it’s ever been appropriate for two guys to hold hands, hug, kiss, etc. If I’m wrong, someone feel free to correct me. What I’m trying to get at though, is since the 70’s & 80’s it seems like straight guys are getting less and less comfortable with guy-guy physical closeness, and I’m wondering if straight guys themselves have noticed this, and if so, if they agree with my suspicion that it seems to correspond to the increasing openness of gay men. Or are there other factors?
Some of the responses about bed-sharing are along the lines of “it’s no big deal, but there was this one gay guy so now I’m not sure.” But 30 or 40 years ago, you’d never have known whether a guy was gay or not. So gay men do seem to be having an effect on how comfortable guys feel around each other.
30 or 40 years ago the idea that a group of unmarried, non-dating men and women would, upon being stranded on an island and having to “survive” for 30 days, would pair off boy-girl-boy-girl in their sleeping arrangements would be absolutely scandalous. The gentlemen would naturally bunk with each other, and the ladies would naturally bunk with each other. Nowadays, the very idea of two straight guys sleeping together is so repulsive to many guys (and I guess the viewing public) they’d rather sleep on the floor, or go dig a hole in the sand and sleep there.
Last time I shared a bed with a guy was…sometime in the spring on 2004. Some friends and I went to Montreal for a bachelor party (not mine) and we got three hotel rooms, but they messed up and they all had one king instead of two doubles. We put a barrier of blankets between us so we wouldn’t roll over and put our arms around each other…or worse (you know, possibly reaching out, grabbing something neither of you wants grabbed…)
Was it a bit of un-neccesary and not-intended homophobia? Possibly, but all I know is that like Bricker, if there’s someone else in my bed, I have a tendancy to cuddle with it, and I don’t enjoy cuddling with guys…they’re too damn hairy.
Don’t know about that theory. A girl and a guy yes. Two spoons. Two dudes, I think the assumption is that one guy isn’t hungry. Hetero guys don’t really share desert in the US.
According to some of my friends who live on the East Side above 14th Street, they live in “Hells Kitchen” - the border of which is apparently at least one block downtown of their appartment.
Oh, god, all my guy friends do that crap. Well, they don’t have the “gay seat” at the theater that I’ve seen, although I guess I haven’t seen them at the moveis without me, but when we all went to Daytona once - two guys and two girls, king size bed and sleeper sofa, and they arranged this silly rotation so as to cram one guy in the bed with us and the other on the sofa, and they switched out over the nights we were there. It was so ridiculous - like I want to be crammed three to a bed just so you can feel confident in your sexuality? Thinking back I could still just slap them both.
Some of my friends try to pull that lame buffer seat stuff in theaters. How am I going to whisper sarcastic comments with you sitting all the way over there? What’s that you say? Our knees might brush together? :rolleyes:
I don’t really like sleeping in the same bed with anybody I’m not used to (girls included), but another guy is doubly uncomfortable. I’m a sprawler and a tosser, so I’d rather just sleep on the floor than toss and turn all night keeping my bedfellow awake. I’m also scared I’ll roll over and wake up with my hand on his crotch or something else embarassing.
There should always be a space between urinals. When my junk is in my hand, I’d like a little more than a foot of personal space, if you don’t mind.
I’d have no problem crashing in the same bed as a friend if it was the best solution at the time. However, I really don’t mind sleeping on the floor at at all so might very well choose this option. Sometimes it’s just nice to get an opportunity to sleep on the floor without having to be a weirdo and doing it in your own room. When my dad was over visiting me a while back he slept on the floor - just seemed more natural that way. The exception to this is if we are at a hotel and for some reason only have one bed. No qualms about catching teh gay or whatever - it’s just a matter of what seems right in a particular situation.
As for the movies thing, I do leave a seat between me and my buddy sometimes - but, it is strictly for practical reasons. This seat is where the popcorn goes. Otherwise one of us must hold it or it has to be on the floor. If there are more people than just the two of us (or no popcorn), there are no buffer seats involved - that would be ridiculous. We have no qualms at all about being mistaken as gay. We go out to dinner together just the two of us and even, gasp, share a dessert sometimes.
I recently shared a bed with two other guys. This was at a hotel in Europe with three of us sharing a room with a single double bed to save money, because we are poor graduate students. These were guys that I’m not even very close friends with. But after we decided who had to sleep in the middle, it was no problem. Actually I spent four nights that week sharing a bed with another guy and it was really no big deal. Not something I’d do under normal circumstances though.
The last time I shared a bed with a guy was probably when I was still in school and going on family vacations. Although I can’t specifically remember it happening, I’m sure I shared a bed with one of my brothers on some of those occassions. Before that, the only time I think I’ve shared a bed with an unrelated guy was when I was doing sleepovers in elementary and middle school. And even then I think we mostly used individual sleeping bags.
I think you’re underestimating the aspect of physical comfort in this whole personal space thing. A double bed may comfortably fit a man and a woman (especially if they don’t mind cuddling), but there’s just not as much room for two guys, especially if they’re pretty big. I’m 6’3" and used to spreading out a bit in bed. Put me in a bed with another guy my size, and we’re inevitably going to be bumping into each other all night. And yes, that would be a bit awkward, but it would also just be physically uncomfortable. If it’s possible to just throw some couch cushions on the floor with a couple extra blankets, that might be ultimately more comfortable for both people. That goes for fat people as well as tall people. Being in the military, you and your buds couldn’t have been too overweight; the same, unfortunately, can’t be said for the majority of American civilians.
Some thing goes for movie seats. Most guys like to sit with their legs splayed out; you can’t do that too comfortably if there’s a person on either side of you. Why not leave an empty space so you’ll have room to spread out?
Urinal selection was discussed in another thread recently. 'Nuff said.
Another factor: over the past however many decades, the average family size has shrunk, but the average home size has grown. There are more and more only-children, and even the guys that do have brothers may never have had to share a room (and much less a bed) with them. Heck, a lot of kids have their own bathrooms growing up. I first read this in relation to college students being weirded out about having roommates (and more and more colleges creating single-student dorms), but it probably applies to sharing a bed with another person as well.
The trend is definitely towards more and more private space. You go from urinal troughs to individual urinals to divider screens, and eventually just to stalls. Communal showers are unheard of in high schools, and more and more rare in gyms and pools. Those last two may have something to do with the rising awareness of gays in society; but I think it just fits in with the trend in general (ie, I don’t think college freshmen don’t want to have roommates because they’re afraid it’ll look “gay”).
I have shared a bed with other guys. No big deal. The last time was probably on a road trip to New Orleans for New Years a few years back. I got so drunk that I supposedly started to cuddle with my friend. He still makes fun of me, and ensures everyone knows about it, all the time. I think he liked it.
John Stamos Left Ear I believe the word you may be looking for is ‘gayshield’. At least that is what I always heard.
