I am sorry, that is simply not true. You are perpetuating the stereotype that gay sex is somehow more risky than hetero sex. Which is surprising that you have bought into this as you are gay yourself. Gay sex can be just as safe if proper safe sex practices are observed. YOU may be willing to take a risk, but his wife sure isn’t able to make that decision and isn’t fully aware of the risk she is being placed in involuntarily, so you may be ok with the risk but you should feel some kind of obligation to let her know for her own health and safety. *She didn’t ask her husband to suck your cock, she shouldn’t have to pay for it.
*
I am a little upset that you don’t see that. Either you are too embarrassed to say anything to her, in which case get over it. Or you are too callous. Which if that is the case, you are despicable and not any better than the guys who proposition you.
So sexuality, like race, has a “one drop” rule. It’s just “one drop” of a different bodily fluid.
You may be any combination of English, Scottish or Native American.
It IS possible to be partly all three; the three conditions are not mutually exclusive.
You may be attracted to women only, or to men only, or to both women
and men. However, it IS NOT possible to be all three: the three conditions
are mutually exclusive.
If sexuality is a spectrum then heterosexuality may be considered a primary color,
homosexuality another primary color, and bisexuality the secondary color resulting
from their combination.
I do not think the pendulum is a competent analogy for sexual preference because
it connotes unceasing, indiscriminate movement throughout the range of sexual
preference, and few people conform to such a description.
I have always heard that most homoxesuals are exclusively(i.e.absolutely) so,
it that not true? If it is, then there is no reason to think heterosexuals are less
committed, is there? Exact numbers are contentious and may never be ascertained
since they rely on self-reporting. On the other hand well over 90% of all Westerners
self-identify as heterosexual (per Wiki), and that could be way off and still leave a
large majority of “absolutely” committed heterosexuals.
holy shit, colonial.
I won’t argue with that, bearing in mind that legally the one drop rule now confers no disadvantage.
I disagree. If you know something is wrong and you know you’re in a situation which will tempt you to do that wrong thing - and you don’t walk away from the situation - then you assume your share of the responsibility for what happens.
If an attractive married woman was flirting with me, I’ll admit I might eventually give in. So I would walk away before it went too far. If I choose to stay, I can’t later claim I had no responsibility for what happened.
Definitely a typo.
They are initially in-credulousness that I wouldn’t just take them up on the offer. It certainly bothers me coming from people I know but it doesn’t really upset me. It’s annoying like having to explain basic math to someone that should know better.
Not limiting it to guys in the OP, some guys are very aggressive some are timid. There is a range.
I’ve never been intimidated by people pursuing sex with me that I was not interested in for whatever reason. I don’t get intimidated by individuals in general the way other people are.
If it wasn’t for the associated drama, it’s kinda nice to have someone expressing interest in me. I don’t consider myself particularly attractive. In dating it is clear that I am some men’s type, other times it is not the case.
The summary answer to your post is No, the emotional experiences you associate are very different then my own. I can go back to this later if you’d like.
It might be worth your while to read up on gender orientation psychology. You are stating that you can accurately determine someone else’s sexuality. The American Psychological Association disagrees with you.
[QUOTE=APA]
Only the individual can choose what label, if any, he/she wants to use to describe his/her sexual orientation or gender identity.
[/QUOTE]
I’d rather not derail the thread further. If you wish to debate your definition of sexual orientation is more reality based than the APA’s we can have that discussion but I’d rather you start your own thread to do so.
I disagree. When I am worn out emotionally I tend to fall back to my core rules regardless of whether it’s a good idea to do so. In this case I actively chose to do something I normally wouldn’t. My reasons for doing so are more clear to me now, but I’ve put a lot more out there then I normally would so I’m going to decline further detail.
I don’t think I’m perpetuating that stereo type. I am perpetuating the stereotype that gay men are promiscuous. For me and the men I sleep with that stereo type has been generally true.
I have not put anyone at risk save myself. I am not a carrier of any STD’s. Yes her husband may be putting her at risk that she is unaware of. That’s on him.
Given your options, I am callous and despicable.
As an experiment how about you pick a random married couple you know and recommend to one of them they get a STD test done. Let us know how that works out for you.
I am aware of multiple couples infidelities. I could as a citizen of virtue interested in preventing the spread of STD’s tell the unwitting partners they should get tested. Most people believe their partners over someone else. If I followed your recommended course I would have violated peoples confidentiality, disrupted their relationships, and become a pariah amongst people I know. The end result could be that they still don’t get tested because they simply believe some asshole spreading rumors about their partner.
Best I can do is recommend the person who has told me of their adultery get tested. If I knew someone did have an STD and weren’t willing to tell their partner, I’d intervene but I’m not willing to do so on the mere possibility.
I guess I’m a bad person for thinking the way I do. I can live with that.
I think I disagree with the concept that ‘the other woman’ bears responsibility for infidelity. The cheater is the only one making a conscious decision to break a promise they made to their partner. ‘The other woman’ hasn’t made any such promises. The person marrying a shitty partner made a poor decision too, why don’t they get a share of the blame?
That said I feel bad about doing so and don’t encourage others to do so because it’s a bad idea. There really isn’t a good reason to do so and plenty of good reasons not to.
I agree the “other person” doesn’t have sole responsibility - not even primary responsibility. In my opinion, the person betraying their spouse is the guiltiest party. But the other person has to acknowledge their own share of guilt - they are helping a person be unfaithful and, if it’s the case, they’re betraying a friendship.
Determining someone’s sexuality strikes me as a square one procedure–
sort of like determining whether a substance is acid or base.
If the shrinks haven’t even got that far yet, then they have gotten nowhere,
or, as I am fond of saying, psychology has yet to find its Copernicus, much less
its Newton.
That leaves us with common sense.
Seems to me common sense would tell us that a man who makes a pass
at another man is at least bisexual, regardless of what he calls himself.
Fair enough. ‘The are not responsible for the infidelity but they are responsible for betraying a friendship’ is a concept I’d support.
. . . which makes me wonder: do you think the plane will ever take off from the treadmill?
You support it because it assuages your guilt. You don’t seem to have a problem betraying her friendship because you obviously don’t really think of her as a friend. You could care less about her feelings, as this whole thread has been about how you feel and poor you for being so irresistible and tempting to curious guys. It makes it so much worse that you know the wife, and hang out with her and her husband in her home and STILL feel no responsibility to say something. Maybe these straight guys target you because you seem the type to give in or are insecure enough they can mess around with you and not get caught because they know you won’t say anything. You are an enabler and just as responsible for the infidelity as he is. *You knew he was married, you even knew his wife, yet you still did it. *It isn’t like you didn’t know he was interested or you didn’t know he was married. You can’t feign ignorance in this case. *You were fully aware and therefore just as responsible. *You can rationalize it all you want, but you are just as big of a scumbag as he is.
I am done commenting in this thread because I can feel myself moving from objective commentator to taking this way too personally. I can’t stand cheaters and I can’t stand people who fall for cheaters when they know they are being used to cheat on someone. You need to get some serious help, because despite you claiming to be bothered by the attention you are getting you seem to revel in it and make excuses for why you shouldn’t be responsible for your bad choices regardless of who you are hurting.
Common sense would dictate that you cannot assume what another person thinks or feels and that your attempt(s) to label them serves no valid purpose other than to try and fit them to a mold that you prefer. How one identifies themselves is a personal choice made for a variety of reasons that goes far beyond your simple ‘base test’.
Common sense would dictate that a person’s sexual identity may be most
accurately inferred from his behavior. Applying that principle to the men
who made passes at OP leads us to the inescapable conclusion (stronger
than an assumption) that they are not straight.
A person’s sexual identity is of immediate interest to everyone they come
into contact with throughout life. Each person does have a sexual label,
and does have a sexual mold, like it or not. What serves no purpose is your
depreciation of the obvious.
One’s sexual identity is probably not a personal choice, but is genetically determined, right?
No more complicated test is necessary.
So if the men who men made passes at OP identify themselves as straight then
they are being deceitful, and their reasons are beside the point.
How one chooses to identify oneself is different than ones sexual ‘identity’ in this context. There are a variety of reasons why a person may choose to identify one way that may be contrary to thier ‘identity’. There are also some aspects of anyones sexual identity or identification that are fully choices a person makes that have little to do with the natural/non-choosable aspects of it (I hope I am being clear).
And that may be the crux of your argument - you seem to be talking about the base ‘identity’ which is only one aspect of the larger aspect of identification.
I also disagree that it is anyone elses business what another’s sexual identity is - unless they are trying to woo them into bed - it is of no business of anyone elses unless they make it thier business.
Let me put it even simpler -
Who one chooses to have sexual encounters with may or may not have anything to do with the way they choose to Identify themselves to the world at large - or even how they see thier own ‘gender identity’. It may simply be an act of curiosity or it could be a full on denial of true feelings, and a plethora of options in between.
An example of a choice in gender identification - how one dresses and acts.
An example of a choice made that has nothing to do with gender identity- wearing clothes ‘meant’ for the other gender (women in mens boxers may have nothing to do with thier sexual identity- maybe they just like them)
An example of a non-choosable aspect of gender identity MAY BE whom one chooses to have as an SO or sexual partner.
I get the impression you have been personally hurt by infidelity in the past. I feel what you are doing makes excuses for the adulterer. You are angered by me because I am not presenting the emotional response you believe I should have.
To be clear I do take responsibility for my actions. I have hurt people in this situation. I believe their relationship is beyond repair and I will encourage him to fix what he can. I expect it won’t be long before I’m no longer on speaking terms.
If seeking professional help for myself was financially feasible I’d pursue it for reasons other than you believe. I do think if this issue angers you so much you should examine why rather than projecting motives onto others. People cheat for a wide range of reasons, in my opinion those reasons always lead back to the partner that is cheating, the accomplice isn’t the reason.
In my longest heterosexual relationship and in my longest homosexual relationship I was cheated on. In both cases I knew the other men. I have no anger towards them for their actions. I don’t think they had responsibility to tell me. I know why each person chose to participate. My partners knew what they were doing and deserve the full blame.
colonial what seems to be your issue is you have no respect for the opinions of others and feel you possess the ability to label people based on what you view is common sense. What is common sense to you isn’t common sense to others including those with professional incite into the topic.
I’d asked you to take this topic to another thread, you’ve done nothing in this thread beyond hijack the original topic. Do you care to weigh in on anything other than your views on sexuality?
All I can say is, while I don’t condone what these men are doing, I think the pressure and shame on gay and bi men is incredibly intense and I can understand what they bottle it up and lie to those around them.
I’ve dated two guys who told me they were bisexual, and a third who confessed to having a drunken encounter with one of his guy friends in the past. In the second and third cases, both guys told me this *after *I had mentioned to them that I had a bisexual male ex, so they probably did it because they felt a little safer telling me. All of them admitted to being afraid to tell people. One had had a girlfriend throw him out of their apartment after he told her he was bisexual.
The other side of this is what’s happened to me when I’ve mentioned that I willingly date openly bisexual guys to people. I have had people actually jerk away from me in disgust! As though I’m diseased or something! People have informed me that they would NEVER go out with a bisexual guy, that’s gross, he’d cheat (FTR, none of my exes cheated), he’s less of a man, etc. And if that’s the response I get for being a girl who will date a bi guy, I can only imagine the looks and lectures they get. 
I have never been cheated on but yes, my mom was. So I do take it personally. Esp because the woman my dad left her for used to babysit me when I was an infant so she knew my mom pretty well. That is why I backed off and stopped commenting, but you had to call me out again so I feel I should answer and correct your misconceptions.
Also, if I EVER made excuses for the adulterer I would appreciate a cite, because I seriously doubt I did that. I think the cheater and the one he cheats with (if they are fully aware of the cheater’s relationship status) are both equal in scum bagginess.
I have tried my best to make clear my focus on what you term
the “natural/non-choosable aspects” of sexuality. I truly do not
have any idea what a self-selected “larger aspect” could consist
of, unless it pertains to deception.
The phrase “making it (someone’s) business” implies avoidable
intrusiveness. The first thing anyone notices about anyone else
is, unavoidably, their sexuality. And if first appearance proves
inaccurate then the correction takes first place on the list.
What follows is the opposite of simple.
Choice of sex partners is the defining aspect of one’s true sexual
identity. Assuming one identity with sex partners and another identity
with the rest of the world is deception.
I contest this. A true heterosexual cannot be aroused by a member
of the same sex. Anyone “curious” enough about a homosexual encounter
to actually seek one is not heterosexual.
I do not understand this.
Cross dressing is not mutually exclusive with any of the three types
of sexual identity.
Addressed.