[QUOTE=Freudian Slit]
What suspicious activity did the child witness that made her suspect he was gay? Sorry…you’re still being a bit vague.
[/QUOTE]
Sorry. In retrospect, it was something very minor, and we thought his daughter was jumping to huge conclusions. But first remember that when people have certain habits , any deviation from that can be noticeable, even if it’s something the rest of us would consider minor.
As best I can recall, in the first incident a few months back, the daughter came home from school unexpectedly early. Her father was in the basement, with the door closed…and that door never gets closed. His shirt and his shoes were laying about…and this is a man who never goes shirtless in the house, or barefoot. His new buddy’s truck was parked just down the street. When her dad came up from the basement, he was sweaty…and she thinks she heard the door out from the basement to the garage open and close. Her dad says he was working out on the treadmill, but she says no one uses a treadmill barefoot. And when she looked out later, the buddy’s truck was gone. That, plus his recent attitude change and “going out drinking with the guys” change, and his obvious agitation with having her come home early, made her alarms go off. But he had a plausible explanation for everything (except where the buddy was…he doesn’t visit know anyone else on their street) and everyone settled down.
And as to wanting to get caught…probably. But the pocket thing may look like that, but on closer examination…no. Both my friend and her husband can be huge procrastinators. He probably told her about the hole in his pocket months back, maybe mentioned it a few times, but never said “will you fix my pocket this week” For her to not get around to fixing it for months is typical, especially when he was wearing it all the time. For her to actually have the interest and the time to mend it, at the same time he switched jackets, is just happenstance.
And since he works with computers, he should have had more security in place. But again, daughter usually uses her own laptop in her room, but this day she needed to use the printer with the main, family PC, and she sat down to type in the web address, and the drop-down menu popped up with the other addresses that had been typed in starting with that letter…when she scrolled down to get to the one she wanted, she saw an unfamiliar MySpace and clicked on it, thinking it was one of her friends. As I said, this is the main, family PC…everyone uses it. Even I’ve used it when I’ve visited. It’s sitting right in the family room.
As for how he feels about preserving the marriage at some level…we don’t know yet, because he doesn’t know that she has figured out what is going on. She hasn’t said a word, the daughter has reluctantly agreed to give her mom time to think and seek advice, and life putters on. When faced with the economic realities of a divorce, he may decide to change his behavior again…or for a while. She feels that even if they do divorce, they need to work together to get out of debt first…since they got into debt together. Then, when they are caught up, then they can decide what path to take. She sees no need to make huge changes in their situation right now, when it would only lead to a worsened financial outcome for both of them. And being in their fifties, with all their medical needs, it’s important to keep insurance and things firmly in place.
