Hi y’all. I’m new here. Is the sugar around close by? I sure hope this isn’t decaf. I’ll never make it through the day if it is. 
checks out her new co-workers as she leaves, picturing them naked
Hi lsura welcome. Say you don’t work in accounting by any chance do you? And where didyou get that red suit?
Hi, ya’ll! Sorry I’m late, got tied up with this real…female dog, if you know what I mean. Geeesh! I mean, really. Like I have nothing else to do with my day than to listen to her gripe because she can’t get in to see The Almighty Cecil or Ed for that matter.
Say, there was a diet coke in here, who took it? I gotta have my caffeine, you know. How else can I make it through the rest of the day?
Oh, and I just saw the cutest guy checking out the copier! MMmmmmmMmmmmmmmm…Yummmy! I think I’ll find something I just have to have a copy of. Or two or three…
thinksnow, I think you’ve been drinking a little too much of that today. Now, you know very well what happened the last time Diane did a table dance at work. That fool over in marketing won’t be allowed to live that down for a long, long time. 
Hi, Lsura, haven’t seen you in a while. Cute suit! Btw, trust me. You don’t want to see us naked. Well, maybe the guys. Well, ok, some of the guys.
Internal Audit, not accounting sweetie. But that’s ok, it;s close enough.
The red suit, it’s just a bit I picked up somewhere, Macy’s I think. Just a little bit I throw on to boost my confidence some days.
So where do you work? what’s the current gossip? Who’s available in the office?
:::Persephone from SDMB Customer Service strolls in:::
DAMMIT where’s the ashtray. I need a FREAKING break. AAAAGH!
:::lights up a smoke:::
MAN people can be stupid. Wah, wah, wah. All’s I hear all day is “well, Cecil says this,, but my mom’s best friend’s uncle’s hairdresser’s boyfriend’s great-nephew the astrophysicist says that. So what are the lyrics to “Louie Louie”? Who’s right?” SHEESH!
By the way, has anyone been trying to make copies today? I just went to use the machine, and noticed it was unplugged. I hope nobody freaked & called a repairman like they did last time.
walks in with a fire hatchet
I don’t care if it’s against company policy. I need my caffeine and chocolate fix NOW and the vending machines ate my change.
takes hatchet to pop machine until it spits out a Pepsi, then turns to the candy machine, which drops a chocolate bar without being touched
That’s better.
sits at table and unwraps candy
What are you all looking at?
Hey Kat, I’m out of change. Think you could scare some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups out of that thing for me? When you get time, of course. No hurry. Go ahead and drink your Pepsi first. Please.
Hey folks, was that Euty I saw in the leather outfit this afternoon? He was looking good. Needs to dress like that more often.
Hey, hey, fellas! Another day, another buck fifty.
How 'bout those Bengals, 'eh? God, do they suck.
wincing Christ, who made this coffee.
[looking in fridge] Alright, who took a bite out of my sandwich?
Ok everyone, back to work. Some of us are trying to get things done. Save the company money.
Hey, who took an axe too the coke machine? You know, auditors can be bribed with free sodas.
And the poor candy machine is still shaking. What did you people do to it?
looks at the candy machine which promptly spits out a bag of m&ms
Hey, guys, my kids’ school is having a fundraiser and I’ve got this brochure…what? It can’t possibly be time for ALL of you to get back to work already?
Damn. If we’re gonna work Sundays, we ought to at least get overtime.
Okay, who the heck ate my sandwich that was in the fridge?! Come on, SOMEONE did! Damn it! That was a prescribed sandwich!
(Stomps out of break room, goes back to desk and starts up Doomsday Machine)
Hmmm… tuna…
Grumblemorning.
That coffee had better be strong, I need it. Freaking network surveillance system paged me 4 times between midnight and 06:00. <yawn> If this traffic keeps up, we’ll have to add another STM-1, probably directly to Amsterdam, apparently some poster over there has WAY too much time on his hands. <launches into a enthusiastic and way too detailed description of the intriguing routing problems this poses>. Ehm - where did everyone go ?
Right, back to the ole PC - Deathmatch, anyone ?
Speak ENGLISH, you madman! We’re not all geeks, ya know.
Deathmatch?? Do I hear a challenge? Is that some sort of game? For your information, I’ll have you know that I am the local expert on Toca 2, Grand Prix II (just bought III, working on it), the entire Need for Speed series, Driver, and Carmageddon.
Choose yer poison 
Jesus Christ! Are you people still sittin’ on your asses? Don’t any of you have work to do?
(Sticks her head in)
Ladies, the UPS guy is here.
You know… the UPS Guy?
Be casual, o.k.? Let’s not stampede and scare the guy like last week. Small gestures.
Yeah, when they called them Service, they sure meant Service
Hey guys, what’s goin on? I just got back from the fax machine and whoever’s receiving the dirty jokes and the porno pics by fax, please have them sent by e-mail so you can forward them on to the rest of us. Ahem… UncleBeer, pay attention now. Alright then.
Now, who’s got a light? I really need a cigarette and a cup of coffee. Hey, slide those doughnuts over here please.
yawn
:Stumbles to ice machine, fills 64oz cup:
:Stumbles to Coke fountain, Fills cup:
:Drinks half, refills:
I’m off to my office.
OK, who’s making the garlic toast in here? It smells like Tony Soprano’s jockstrap in the hallway. Dammit I hate having an office next to the breakroom,where’s the frigging Lysol?