Cecil in the Chat.

Cecil in the Chat.
[sup]A satirical poem.[/sup]

The outlook wasn’t brilliant, for the Dopeville crowd that day;
The board stood still for hours, with no posters there to play.
And when the traffic died on line, and everyone did mope,
A sickly silence fell upon, the users of Straight Dope.

A lurking few had left the board, to go in deep despair.
The rest of us clung to hope, which still lingered in the air.
They thought if only Cecil would, post here more and that–
We’d even pay you money now with Cecil in the chat.

But trolls preceded Cecil, and did their trouble make,
And they posted ignorance, and the board did not partake;
So upon that stricken multitude, a grim melancholy sky,
For there seemed but little chance, that Cecil would reply.

Then Lynn broadcast a warning, to the wonderment of all,
But the trolls, and much despised, just responded to the call;
And when the dust had lifted, and the board saw what had occurred,
There posted Cecil Adams, we were a-hugging every word.

From ten thousand throats and more, there rose a lusty snit;
It echoed through the forums, it rattled in the Pit;
It sounded through the Reader, and recoiled in our head,
For Cecil, mighty Cecil, was advancing to the thread.

There was ease in Cecil’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Cecil’s bearing and a smile on Cecil’s face.
And when responding to the cheers, he lightly posted sass,
No doper in the crowd would doubt, Cecil would kick his ass.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his screen with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped it on his shirt.
Then while the trolling poster, was told to get a grip,
Defiance gleamed in Cecil’s eye, a sneer curled Cecil’s lip.

And now the profane covered flames, came hurtling through the air,
And Cecil stood a-watching it, in haughty grandeur there.
Close by some trusty allies and as the moderators tried–
“That ain’t my style,” said Cecil. “Ban him,” the masses cried.

From the chat room stuffed with dopers, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm waves upon a cruel and distant shore.
“Ban him! Ban the troll!” they shouted, “He doesn’t understand;”
And it’s likely they’d have killed him had not Cecil raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity, great Cecil’s visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the thread go on;
He signaled to the mods, and once more the insults flew;
But Cecil still ignored the troll, the troll replied, “F*** You.”

“MOD!” cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered MOD!;
But one scornful post from Cecil and the message board was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Cecil wouldn’t let this asshole go again.

The sneer is gone from Cecil’s lip, his teeth now clenched in hate;
He pounds his keys with sheer contempt, we hold our breath and wait.
And now as Cecil holds the flame, and now he lets it go,
And now the board is shattered by the force of Cecil’s blow.

Oh, somewhere on my favorite site, the sun is shining bright;
A band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
On some boards folks are laughing, On some boards posters shout;
But there is no joy at Straight Dope-- mighty Cecil has flamed out.
[sub]With apologies where needed.[/sub]
[sub]Original poem and more info here.[/sub]

::applaudes, hoots, and generally makes like he was impressed with yet anothe smug original… sorta :smiley: ::

:: wipes a tear from her eye ::

That’s beautiful, smug. Just beautiful…

You should go into the field of Filk songs. You’d make a killing.

Bra-VO sir!!!
::tosses roses onstage::

and by the way…

this is my 200th! Booya! Kapaya! Kablammo! AndAnotherPopCultureCrapSaying!


Smug That was excellent.


Oh dear lord, smug. That’s the damn coolest thing I’ve read in a long time. Bravo… I applaud you sir. Totally made my morning. :smiley:


We’re going to pay this thread our highest compliment.

See tomorrow’s Straight Dope front page.

your humble TubaDiva

Whoa! smug!!! Excellent! Good for you, honey!!!


Way to go! smug, ya just got the SD’s version of the Grammy (or something).


:: momentarily reverting to using smilies for this occassion ::

OMG ~ I made threadspotting?

Me? - Really? Wow! – I am stunned. I am shocked.

You guys must **really **be hurting for front page material. :wink:

Um… You’re not going to show it to Cecil ~ are you? :eek:

Seriously, I don’t know what to say. I am speechless.

Well, almost speechless.

I consider this to be the highest achievement I can possibly attain here at the SDMB. To make the front page was my goal from the start, as it was the theme of the very first “Silly Song” I wrote, and now that my dream has come true, and I made it to the front page, I feel I have nothing more of value to contribute here as an active poster.

So with great reluctance and sadness, I declare this to be my last post as I announce my retirement from the SDMB.

I want to go out on top, at the pinnacle of my game, at my finest hour. Like Jordon did, like Gretzky did.
I don’t want to hang on too long and overstay my welcome. I will leave this board with honour and dignity. I will miss this place though, and all of the mods. I will miss the laughter and fun, the tears and sorrow. I will miss all of it, and of course, all of you. :frowning:

So my friends, I bid you all a fond farewell. You will all be in my thoughts. Take care.


Aw, don’t go. :rolleyes:

Deeply touched by all your outpouring of tears and emotion, I have decided to return to regular posting at this message board.
You people are the best. Really. I mean that from the heart of my bottom.

I really missed this place. That was the longest minute of my life. I will never, ever leave here again. There were some REALLY ignorant people outside of this site. It was quite scary. I love this place! I ain’t going anywhere!!! :smiley:
[sub]Um… unless Cecil reads that little part about him “flaming out”, then I’m toast.[/sub] :smiley:

smug, you are such a tease.

Smug, see that clinky metal thing connecting you by the ankle to your computer? That’s a chain. It mean you are not ever EVER to leave these forums, understand?
[sub] Unless something real important comes up, then we might hand over the key. Or a saw. Or a blowtorch.[/sub]

Love ya, Smug. Lookin’ forward t’ the next outpouring.

:slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Oh. My. God.

::Claps hands out in front of him::

People! People!

Now this is going to be the frontspiece on the Page in the morning.
Well, I mean, would you just look at this place?
I’m afraid not. We need Happy here, we need some atmosphere!
Look at that wall, hmmm? Does that say fun to you? I thought not.
Ok, think, ‘Impressive’, think ‘Intelligent’, think ‘Big words’.
There. Buckets of atmospheric fun. Splashy, that’s what it is.

WELL. My work here is done…


(I just can’t do Richard Simmons and talk at the same time)

inor, babe. You’re really starting to worry me. First that scene with Origato and now you’re doing Richard Simmmons?

Oy. :wink:

Richard Simmons?
I thought that was Christopher Lloyd!
my bad.