[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
It was interesting and somewhat difficult. I’ve got some pretty deep-seated anxieties I didn’t know I had.
Food was great though.
If there’s interest I’ll post about it in MPSIMS later. A tale of freakish anxiety and barbecued meat.
[/QUOTE]
don’t you play games with us. Of course we want to hear all about it.
[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
It was interesting and somewhat difficult. I’ve got some pretty deep-seated anxieties I didn’t know I had.
Food was great though.
If there’s interest I’ll post about it in MPSIMS later. A tale of freakish anxiety and barbecued meat.
[/QUOTE]
Just spill the beans damn you to heckand back.
Were they white slavers ?
Organised somebody to burgle your house while you were out?
Gave you the hard sell on buying Korean snackfoods in bulk?
I warn you Im not a patient man.
First of all, I realize that I’m more anxious than the average person, to put it mildly. I am enough in touch with how normal people think to understand that my reactions to things are a little over the top, but…I can’t currently help them, I can only work through them. I have always been high strung.
Second of all, I do not believe that all men are potential stalkers or rapists. I love men. 99.5% of the men I’ve met have been somewhere between mildly annoying and wonderful. It’s the other 0.5% that have made me wary. Combine that with a tendency toward anxiety and…yeah…
Thirdly, I know that I was overly passive at times throughout this story.
I think part of the difficulty was that I couldn’t quite figure out the “angle” beforehand. Was this supposed to be a friendly cultural-exchange lunch? A “getting to know you”? A “proto-date”? I think I have it finally figured out: RG wanted to get to know me (in a possibly “date-y” way) but didn’t feel confident in his English skills (he spoke almost no English the entire time, leaving me to get filled in by MMG) so he asked MMG to broker something. This explains the suddenness of the “extra-friendly” on their parts, I think.
As I said, I have issues getting into a car with two men I barely know, but I tamped them down, figuring the odds were on my side. (And they were, and continued to be.) But then, in an attempt to convenience me, they set me in the front seat and set my backpack in the back.
My backpack is my purse. I don’t care if you think it must be too heavy. If I couldn’t carry it, I wouldn’t. Unless you are a good friend or I am actively bleeding and/or on fire or I ask you to take it, DO NOT REMOVE MY BACKPACK FROM MY CONTROL. My reasons for feeling like this are slightly irrational and deeply personal, and I didn’t realize I felt so strongly this way until this man I didn’t entirely trust TOOK MY PURSE AWAY. breathe I think if he’d tried to put it in the trunk I would have just bolted. I did ask to keep it with me, but was…I dunno…brushed off?
Anyway, the restaurant was nice. We had Korean barbecue, which we grilled on the table (or rather, I watched them). Soju was ordered; I had already said I couldn’t drink it, but I did take my little glass, clinked, and then touched it to my lips and set it aside. They continued to drink it but, hey, they didn’t have to work.
The food was good, but unfortunately by this time I had worked myself into such a state I couldn’t eat much. 
I did try a little bit of everything though. It was also hard to figure out what to talk about, so I tried to ask questions about the food and such. MMG did mention that they are both divorced: “Women hate us!” I have no response to that. Still.
A few further points:
*When I tell you I want to be a doctor, don’t ask me when I’m going to get married.
*Don’t be rude to the waitresses. One even turned to me, and said something to the tune of “That’s how Korean men are - tough,” but her face said she was making an excuse for him. I realize that languages like Chinese and Korean can sound strange and angry to English speakers, but the voice combined with gestures said “rude” to me.
*If I make a comment about how I think I need to eat smaller pieces of meat, please do not reach across the table while offering to cut it. I can take care of that myself thank you. I am 30, though sometimes I don’t feel it.
We only stayed about an hour. They drove me home, we shook hands, I said thank you very much.
I tried very hard to be polite and I feigned “small stomach” to excuse my small appetite. I think MMG figured out things were not going quite as planned and cut the excursion short, for which I am grateful.
I’m sure this makes me out to be a total bitch but I’m not, really! I’m even usually good at striking up conversations with strangers and making friends. Crap like this makes me really sympathize a little with agoraphobes, though.
It’s a cultural thing (like them cutting your meat for you, asking you about marriage, and waving you away when you said you wanted your bag and stuff). Especially if they’re first-generation Koreans - they’re still used to a very patriarchal way of doing things.
I know what you mean about how they treat the waitresses. I cringe every time I go out on big family gatherings at how my uncles talk to the servers.
Don’t feel bad about feeling uncomfortable during the whole ordeal. I grew up in that culture and I actively dislike a lot of it. I’m just sorry you didn’t get to taste the food properly. It’s good stuff. 
I felt kind of shitty to be an early responder and cast a negative light on situation. Especially after everyone else was telling you to go for it. I had a sinking feeling that there would be some degree of discomfort due to the cultural and age differences. When guys ask a girl out, there is usually at least an attraction for them. Sorry it didn’t go that well and it’s too bad that your appetite wasn’t better. It sounds like the food would’ve been great.
That was the word I was looking for - patriarchal. Which I am very very much not used to.
I plan to try it again in more pleasant circumstances. 
[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
I plan to try it again in more pleasant circumstances.
[/QUOTE]
Good. That barbeque is so good. Anyhoo, I tend to be a extra-anxious people-pleaser like you and I can totally feel how it must have been. Good for you for leaving the house; I tend to isolate myself to feel safe.
[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
*When I tell you I want to be a doctor, don’t ask me when I’m going to get married.
[/QUOTE]
Eh, if these are old-fashioned guys from a patriarchal society who were trying to size you up as potential wife material, it seems valid to ask how marriage fits into that for you.
As a female medical student myself, I would want any guy to know upfront that I don’t have the time or energy to be a perfect little homemaker, so if he’s looking for someone to make him a sandwich or scrub the kitchen floor best be looking elsewhere.
Too bad it didn’t go better, but at least it was an educational experience.
Kimchi, taegu, namul, bi bim bap, bibimbop, chap chae, chop chae, bul go gi, mandu, kalbi, chigae, kochu jang sauce. 
[QUOTE=lavenderviolet]
Eh, if these are old-fashioned guys from a patriarchal society who were trying to size you up as potential wife material, it seems valid to ask how marriage fits into that for you.
[/QUOTE]
But she didn’t even know it was a date. The fact that two of them are taking her out and screening her for marriageable traits seems odd–I mean, which one of them is she on the “date” with?
[QUOTE=Zoggie]
But she didn’t even know it was a date. The fact that two of them are taking her out and screening her for marriageable traits seems odd–I mean, which one of them is she on the “date” with?
[/QUOTE]
I wouldn’t read that much into it. Any woman over a certain age in Korea is going to get ask when she’s going to get married. Especially if she is considered over-educated (anything beyond a BA).
Me: I’m moving to Chicago to get my MA.
Relatives: That’s nice, dear. But when are you going to get married?
:rolleyes:
Yeah, what she said. I’ve actually been asked the question before, by my Filipino/a coworkers. Bothers me less coming from them for some reason, but they know me better so that helps.
And I don’t think it was exactly intended to be a “date” but they probably were sizing me up for something - maybe just to see how I interacted with them. I don’t really think they knew exactly what they were doing either.
It will be a while before I go back to the minimart, and at this point I feel like I’m never going to the restaurant again.
I read this thread before you decided to go, and my response at that time was, “Hm. Lots of people telling you to ignore your gut feelings. Doesn’t sound like the Dopers I’m used to.” I think your first instinct telling you that this is just weird was the right one. I would have felt weird about it, too - I couldn’t see the angle there, and the ones that came to mind weren’t very comforting.
[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
Yeah, what she said. I’ve actually been asked the question before, by my Filipino/a coworkers. Bothers me less coming from them for some reason, but they know me better so that helps.
[/quote]
I guess it’ll start happening to me soon, too. I’llh ave to come up with some flippant answers for that.
I know how you feel. I used to go to this bagel place that was right across the street from where I used to live. One of the guys who worked there was pretty friendly, which was nice enough. But after he asked me for my digits so we could go out on a date, I freaked out and it was too awkward to ever go back there again. Even though it would probably have been more awkward for him.
You should go. Sounds like fun to me. It’s not every day you get introduced to a cuisine by someone who really knows it, and Korean food is the yum!
[QUOTE=mswas]
You should go. Sounds like fun to me. It’s not every day you get introduced to a cuisine by someone who really knows it, and Korean food is the yum!
[/QUOTE]
Someone didn’t do his homework before posting.
At any rate, if nothing else, you came out knowing a good place to go eat with someone you like. Both your guys didn’t get the hard smack of rejection, but now they know this isn’t going anywhere (if they ever wanted it to go anywhere). They still like you (might even feel like they owe you) and you can still do business with them. No harm, no foul. It sounds like the whole thing was just as awkward for them as it was for you. Expect them to be extra nice and extra polite to you in the near future. Enjoy.
You may be right. And at least now I’ll know to say “No” to any further offers of socializing.
[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
You may be right. And at least now I’ll know to say “No” to any further offers of socializing.
[/QUOTE]
I hope that you meant “…from them”
I socialize with my coworkers when they invite me, even though I won’t understand half the conversation (though Tagalog has got a lot of English and Spanish loanwords, so it helps).
As far as other men of any nationality asking me out for lunch…I’m probably going to decline.
(Part of the problem is the relationship I currently have with the Not-A-Boyfriend. Which is way too long to talk about here.)