Grizzly (dog) is “Grizzly Fizzly”, “Griz-Mo-D”, “Grizalator”, or, lately, “Fartbag”.
Duke (dog) is “Dukey-Duke” or “Duke-A-Juke”
Chili (cat) is “Chili-Willy” or “Chilious Mobious”.
Rocky (cat) is “Rocky-Cocky” or “Rocky Wallenda”.
The Fish is “Smacky” because of his way of letting me know he’s hungry. He has grown so much that he is also called “Fat Bastard”.
For a while Inigo had the nickname Nigo, but that sounded too close to a racial epithet (can you imagine someone walking by our open window? “You stupid Nigo!”). It became Igo, which of course lends itself to Igomaniac, Igomania, Igomaniacal…
Mainly, however, he’s Stinky. What with his anal gland problem, it’s most appropo.
Mija is a complete headcase. We’ve taken to calling her Lupe–still a Spanish name, but also indicative of her loopy, freak-out nature. We may end up renaming her if she continues to attack invisible spots on the wall. And carpet. And sofa. And…
Lady, a Siamese cat I had growing up, had a bizarre nickname that just came out of my mouth one day: Haussenpuss. I have no idea where or why, but it stuck, and I still call my new cats by the same nickname. (It was a derivation of that old Bugs Bunny cartoon where he make haussenpfeffer, or however the hell it’s spelled.)
I call my dog, whose name is Nikki, Poopy shoes.
Don’t ask why. my whole family does it now.
hardygrrl, I’m told my mom’s family had parakeets when mom was a kid. One bird learned how to say two things quite clearly, thanks to my grandma’s dulcet tones: “Paaauuul, it’s nine o’clooooock,” and my favorite, “You stupid bastard.” It used the latter on some insurance salesman once.
My shelter kitty’s name is Marlin. He is also known as “My best little guy,” “Him’s a wittle angel isn’t him,” and, when Episode One was out, “Darth Marl.”
The ferrets are alternately “my little girlies,” “Princess,” and “Fat Ass.”
We have three cats, San Francisco who is most often called Frisco, Denver, and Annie. Frisco has white paws so his pads are pink, Denver is all black including his pads, and Annie is all gray, so her pads are a gray-purpley colour. They all know their names, so if we want to talk about them without them knowing, my wife and I fall back on the names “Pink Pads” for Frisco, “Ink Pads” for Denver, and “Purple Pads” for Annie.
Of course, we use other names for them too. If Frisco has misbehaved somehow, we find that we act like parents and sternly use his full name: “San Francisco!” He understands the message pretty well. Denver is much better behaved, and sometimes gets called simply, “Denny.” Annie can be a handful, but since we can’t do much with her name, my wife came up with the idea of making her sound like some 1950s-era TV show. I’ll hear some accident in another room, and my wife exclaiming in a June-Cleaver voice, “Oh That Annie!” I keep expecting to hear a laugh track following.
I have a semi-feral kitten who was brave enough to put up with me so I adopted him. His name is Piewacket (evidently a cat with magical powers in the book "Bell, Book and Candle). This leads to all sorts of hilarity as I mutilate his name into Wackity-Cat, Wackity-Puss and the like.
Piewacket is extremely bonkers in that, even though he has been fixed, he still is quite the bruiser outdoors. He routinely returns battle scarred from his latest brawl. What is funniest of all is that this war devil turns into a total love sponge as soon as he gets in the house. He cannot get enough strokes for the life of him and purrs so loud he almost snores when he gets petted.
He also has a relatively minor voice so he has the additional titles of “Mouser”, “Meowser” and just plain “Mouse”. In Danish the word “mouse” is “musse” (sort of like “moose”) and so he is also called “mussepuss” and “musse… puss” and all sorts of other original weirdness. I’m sure he gets teased for it mercilessly by all the other cats and that is why he gets into so many fights.
One I say quite often (and really isn’t that funny)
“Hey Fud”
Our cats name is “Spud” and I am calling him by name instead of finishing off “fella” as I sometimes do.
Something funny heard at another persons home:
"Ruthie! Put the Hawk away! People are starting to come over for the party!"
Overheard at freinds of mine that had a red-tail Hawk. Its just one of those sentences I didn’t think I would ever hear, nor hear again. “Put the Hawk Away!” Still cracks me up.
Well, I used to have a little dog named Perry Winkle. One day, he was being bad (as usual) and my mom said “That dog is such a dick!”. And from that day forward he was Dick, or Dicky, or Dicky-do-dog, or Dickity-do.
Thats a sure fire way to garner some weird looks at the park.
Now I have 2 house bunnies named Bart and Benjamin. The are respectivly known as BunKong, and BunZilla. It’s very goofy.
Al.
Oh, how I luuuurrve to post these things about my pet and show off my unbalanced cat-lady nature to the world. The primary cat is named Bolt, because he would take off in a cloud of fur at the slightest noise or strange event (like someone knocking on the door, sneezing, etc.) He goes by Bolt: Cat of Speed!, Boltster, Boltamus, Bolt-Bolt, Boltmeister, the Bolt-man, and various other Richard the copy guy type names.
Mr.Mielikki sticks adjectives that describe what he’s doing. So he’s also been called Drinky-Bolt, Eaty-Bolt, No-Legs-Bolt (when he sits in the meatloaf position with all his legs under him, which also gets him called Bolt Loaf), and, because Bolt only jumps on the bed when things get quiet, Post-Sex-Bolt. These are always said in a loud declarative tone, i.e. “LOOK! It’s Post-Sex-Bolt!” (point dramatically)
The secondary cat is named Bowie, but we haven’t had him for very long yet so mainly he just gets called ‘Booooowiiiieeeeeeeeeee’ in a squeal of delight when arriving home from work.
They’re both called ‘B’ a la the movie Half-Baked, as in ‘yo, what’s up, B?’
Oh, I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
Phoebe the old dog is known as Phoebleness, Phoeblicious, or Phoebness.
Cooper the pup is so far only referred to as Coop, or “DROP THAT.”
My boyfriend has a cat named Krazy (aka Krazoid.) He likes to put the cat on his back & pretend his back legs are a machine gun, pointing Krazy’s legs at things & going rattattaattttatat. The cat seems to enjoy this.
Very weird. my ex did something very similar…his cat’s name is Nelson. He cat IS crazy, but not named such.
Things I’ve heard coming out of my mouth when talking to my cat:
Sweety-patweety
Little monkey
Crazy little monkey
Monkey bum
Pumpkin head
Pumpkin monkey
Poopsie
Poopy bum
Featheroni-baloney-macaroni-shimony (her name is Feather)
The funny part is that I call my fiance the same names, mostly (he’s a good-natured fellow :D)
Heard myself say the other day:
“Hey, Jim, can you come hold the cat while I put these Spock ears on her?”
Our house sounds like a perpetual playing of that SNL skit with the copy guy, because we just sit there and say to the cat "Gryffin … the Gryffinator … the Gryffmeister … Gryffalicious … Obi Gryff Kenobi … "
He likes to be picked up, so we pick him up and hold him over our heads, saying “Gryffindor, the cat who could fly!” and then make that fake trumpet fanfare noise.
Sometimes I hold him and pretend to be the Log Lady (and hold him like the log) and say very seriously, “The Gryffin is not what he seems.”
I have also re-written the lyrics to “I’ve Got You, Babe” to make them be about the love between a girl and her cat, and sing them, loudly and off-key, to embarass the Gryff in public. It’s a duet, actually, but I sing both parts.
When he sulks over something, we sing “He’s a mean one, Mr. Gryff” (like the Grinch song) and this absolutely infuriates him.
My cat is the intensely silly Zazou, otherwise known as Zaz, Zazzermatazzer, cutefur, sillyfur, stupidfur, fur, fuzzyface, and Argh! Zazou!
(to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar) Fuzzyface! Fuzzyface! Running around tearing up the place!
My cats are named after playwrights. Willyum and Bernard.
Will gets the most tortured. Will-A-Dill, Bill-a-dill, Dill, Fuzzy-Wuzzy MugWumphs…
Bernard is pretty much Nards or Nardo.
I’m weird in the other direction. I generally call my dogd, named Pooka and Ogee (short for D-O-G) “dog” and “other dog.” The names are interchangable, whichever I see first is “dog.”
I do this with other people’s pets, too, dubbing them “bird” and “other bird,” “cat” and “other cat,” etc. as appropriate. People tend to think that I’ve forgotten their pets’ names, but I just perfer calling them by their species. And, yes, I sometimes refer to my brothers as “person” and “other person.” (They’re the only people I know won’t take offense.)
I also tend to insult my dogs in a nice voice, so that they think they’re being praised when I say, “Aren’t you such a stupid dog? Yeah, we hate our stupid dog. We’re gonna get rid of you and get a ferret instead. Doesn’t that sound nice? A ferret will be much nicer than having such an ugly, smelly dog.”
Don’t ask me why I do this. I just think it’s damn funny.
Two dogs, very different personalities.
Bones the German Shepherd is brave, valiant, slightly aloof, and very serious about everything. Except getting scratched, hard, over his whole back. You can often get him to grunt and whine like crazy, if you devote enough energy to roughing up his fur. It’s fun to watch my friends come over, as they’ve picked up my habit of doing this, and saying “Grunt like pig, Bones! Grunt like pig!”
His only real naming convention is that he is often referred to as Bones The Dog. As opposed to Bones The Imaginary Llama, I suppose.
Gracie, on the other hand, inspires a lot of endearment. She’s the World’s Cuddliest Pit Bull, with the patented Gracie-Face. Capable of charming just about anyone into a tummy-rub, posessing a deep instinctive knowledge of just where to fall asleep so as to be in easy reach for ear-rubbing, she’s like a stuffed animal come to life. She’s often Gracie-spacey, Gracie-bear, honey-bear, and The Pit Bull of Love.
Does it count if the “pet” is a baby? Only joking of course…My husband has been known to hold the baby and fire ratttattattattattat.
My SO has a cat called Claudius who is the best cat I’ve ever come accross for playing with. He’s 20 years old (yes, 20!) and friendly and placid. But he has the most bizarre meow that makes him sound as if he’s actually saying something but it’s just slightly muffled and he talks all the time.
So, when i’m at their house, I have conversations with Claudius:
C: rowvrbbbrrrr
Me: I am Claudius!
SO: I am Claudius!
C: brrrrmmmow
C: mmowwnnnnnrrrr
Me: I know. It’s terrible isn’t it?
C: ttttrrrfffffmmmmm
Me: I quite agree. Whatever shall we do?
Claudius slinks away
Hours of entertainment.
Fran
Francesca, your Claudius and our Frisco would probably get along well together. Frisco also loves to talk, but it can best be described as a mutter of some kind. And like you, we also have conversations with him:
(Frisco walks into the living room.)
F: Mrowr mmm rowrm.
Me: Hey, Frisco. What’s up?
F: Mmmmowr.
Me: Oh. Well, you can get to that later. Want to watch the hockey game?
F: Rowrm.
Me: Toronto at Montreal. Toronto’s ahead.
F: Owrmawr. Mroamm.
Me: Sure, come on up. (Indicating my lap.)
And he usually does jump into my lap at that point!