About 70% of Dopers believed in Santa growing up, something I had no idea was actually done ntil recently.
My mother told me that my asthma was an allergy to wind. I was afraid to go out on windy days for two years.
I also got the bubble gum would turn into a big hard ball in my stomach story.
And if you picked your nose, you’d get worms in your stomach. That story was big in our neighborhood.
For years I thought ‘elbow grease’ was a product. I searched and searched and searched the pantry for it in utter frustration. ::sigh::
Did you look behind the can of Prop Wash?
Along with Santa and the Easter Bunny, my family had the “Birthday Giraffe”, which I’m pretty sure my mom made up. She even called me on the phone one birthday (must’ve been my aunt).
Another one was when I went on my first plane trip at six years old, back in the days when kids were invited to check out the cockpit. The pilot sat me on his lap and let me grab the stick (the control stick), and told me to turn left, and sure enough, the plane turned left. Then he had me turn the plane right. For years I thought I was actually in control of the plane.
He did not, however, inquire whether I had ever seen a grown man naked.
A mouse trap catches a mouse by the tail. When my father heard one snap, he’d run quickly to get the mouse and release him outside.
Similarly, when our big white pet rabbit died when I was about 5, I believed that his wife had snuck into the yard and sprung him from the hutch and they ran off together to the woods.
I remember another one–my grandfather (who was quite the joker) had me convinced that boobs were called “accoutrements” (pronounced ‘uh-COOT-ruh-ments’). I believed this one for years. It didn’t help that my mother started calling them that too, but knowing her she didn’t do it to fool me, but just because she liked the word.
Mmmm… Lebanon Balogna…
My uncle used to tell me that if I swallowed my gum, it’d come out my butt and snap back and hit me in the balls. The same uncle who later shot up a gas station.
Joe
Er… they are accoutrements. In fact, I kinda like the euphemism. I’m gonna start using it.
Until he was 12, my father was a girl. He told me that he kissed the tip of his elbow and turned into a boy. To this day I’ve not seen a picture of him before 17.
I dated a guy in college that said blueberry pie rots your teeth.
Me: What?
Him: Yup, my grandma told me.
Me: Honey, did your grandma make good blueberry pie?
Him: Yes!
Me: And did you like to eat a lot of it?
Him: Yes!
Me: Do you think she might have said that so you wouldn’t eat so much?
Him: uh
He was over 21, so I was hoping he could see the humor.
And my dad also told me that one day he was driving down the road, a pretty girl put her arm around him and he turned into a motel!
No idea how he fixed that one.
Oh, that one’s perfect. Way over a little kid’s head but risque enough to make the adults snicker.
My father had me believing that Jimi Hendrix really was saying, “Excuse me while I kiss this guy,” because, as he said, “It was the 60s, people experimented a lot.” My father knew everything, especially about rock and roll.
I was running around a baseball diamond sliding into every base and the neighbor’s mother who was watching me told me if I kept doing that my intestines would come out.
My father-in-law had a whole series of “When I was a little girl…” stories that he used to tell my boys when they were little. They loved them.
This isn’t realy along these lines, but I’ll put it here b/c I can’t think of where else to put it.
Years ago I was cooking a pot roast for my wife and she was watching me (I was trying to learn how to cook, so she was mentoring). To her surprise I cut about ten percent off of one side of the roast, then continued to put it in the oven.
When she asked my why I did that, I said “Mom did it that way - that end meat’s bad or something.”
Convincing me this wasn’t true, we called my mother, who said “Because your grandmother did it that way - the meat’s bad at that end.”
Convincing my mother that this wasn’t true, we all called my grandmother. After finishing up laughing for a good two minutes, Ma Maw said “I cut the end off because my roast pan wasn’t big enough!”
On a trip to the lake my parents told me not to walk on any algae-covered rocks because algae would eat the skin from my feet (they didn’t want me walking on slippery surfaces). This backfired on them a few hours later when I absolutely refused to disembark from the canoe due to the presence of algae on the dock supports.
I hope this isn’t considered thread-jacking, but why the hell do adults trick kids like this? I can understand the need to spare a child’s feelings, like “Fluffy went to live on a farm and won’t ever be back”, but why mislead children for one’s own amusement? It seems cruel. I’ve known several people who convinced little kids that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, and it has always led to the children having heated disputes (occasionally physical altercations) with peers, followed by humiliation after the reveal that they had been tricked.
Am I being too sensitive?
Yeah, I was told that gum took 7 years to digest.
But, my favorite was this one:
When I was a kid (early 1970s), we lived in suburban Chicago, and frequently drove on the Illinois Tollway. At that time, they had “rumble strips” in the pavement on the approaches to the toll plazas. I once asked my father what purpose those served. His answer: “So that blind drivers know that they’ll need to stop and pay the toll.” I bought this answer…it took me years before I thought, “hey…if that’s so, how do blind drivers know when to turn???”
Probably.
I know that as a kid, stuff like that tended to make me think a bit harder about things and be more skeptical on down the road. For which I’m grateful.
I was told that pulling out a nose hair would result in a horrible death.
The root would get infected, spread to your brain, and cause you to become insane before you died!
So that explains your insanity! 