Stupid Criminals

Since we’re catching up, one of my favorite of all time from the early internet era. I’ve never found a cite but I wish I could.

A couple young Soldiers, planning for after getting out of the Army, decided to put all their training in using weapons and planning to use for personal gain. The wore their BDUs, which weren’t uncommon for the area since they were near a major post. The did wear masks to cover their faces. The robbery itself went off without a hitch. Unfortunately for them their idea of planning also included leaving all the patches on their uniforms. :smack: They were from a smaller subelement that had a relatively distinctive unit patch instead of a more common patch. The also left their names and ranks sewn on to the uniforms. IIRC none of them even had particularly generic names like Smith. The police didn’t even bother to hunt them down individually. The unit just had a formation the next morning and handed them over.

Two idiots.

Next time, look behind you before the next heave.

Tries to rob a muffler shop, leaves phone number for callback.

There is a syndicated morning radio show that has a segment called “Dumb Crook News”.

One of the stories I remember was a thief (or thieves) using a recent blizzard as cover to rob some businesses since everyone was snowed in. The dumbness was the footprint trail left in the snow from the robbed businesses back to their home :smack:

Like Snapchat.

As I mentioned in this thread, I just got off jury duty on a case involving some very stupid criminals. It wasn’t any grand bit of mind numbing stupidity, but dozens of small idiocies throughout.

The defendants were a mother and her adult son. The mother owned a property for which she hadn’t paid the mortgage in ages, and was under foreclosure. The house also had failed city code, and required repairs. No tenants were in it.

If you guessed this was an arson case, you’re far smarter than they are.

So the woman, who had never had insurance on the place, bought a policy for $190,000. She left out some significant facts on the application – like the foreclosure.

Two days before the next payment on the insurance was due, the son found a 14-year-old for whom the prospect of $300, with more when the insurance came through, was enticing. The kid set the fire, then showed up with a brand new tablet the next day (he had to return it and eventually get an iPod. I’m convinced that he didn’t realize he needed wifi for the tablet to be useful. Stupid, but for a 14-year-old, that comes with the territory).

The woman covered her tracks by deleting all messages for that day from her phone.

The police, meanwhile, tracked down the 14-year-old and got the story. They were arrested. The son, who was on probation, was returned to jail.

The trial started. The prosecution made a very strong case (the testimony of the boy was very credible). Then the woman took the stand in her defense. On cross-examination, the DA pointed out that she lied on the insurance application, and also on the claim form.

They showed photos from her phone. One, taken after she said she knew about the fire, showed the son with an expression like he just won the lottery. And how did the police get the phone? She had been dodging them (and also the insurance company, who denied the claim because she wouldn’t talk to them) and was picked up in a traffic stop. When they took her to the station, she asked one of the investigators to driver her car to the station. Her phone was on the front seat in plain sight.

The phone company produced logs for her phone – about 50 double-sided pages for a month. It showed that the boy had called her three times right after the fire had been set. Those calls had been erased and she denied they had been made. There were no texts that day (and that day only). She said she didn’t text very much. The DA waved the 50 pages. He ended with asking her why, after months of having no insurance, she bought it a month before the fire, and the fire occurred just before the next payment was due. “I don’t know” was not a very good answer.

Time for the son. On cross-examination, they produced transcripts of phone calls to the jail and quoted him saying (after hearing his girlfriend had spoken to the DA), “we have a good thing here. Don’t mess it up.” He seemed shocked that they recorded these. They went with another transcript a month later where he clearly implicated his mother. When these were revealed and quoted in court, he giggled nervously.

That was when they broke. When we returned, the defendants were gone, taking a plea bargain.

Their lawyers told us afterward that they had been urging them to take a plea from the start, but they had insisted on going to trial. Evidently, they felt that because they didn’t physically set the match, they would get off. Further, they were Guyanan and probably thought that they’d only be deported, not jailed. And I suppose they had set up an alibi – they were with each other the evening of the fire.

There is a film in that, RealityChuck.
Or an episode of “America’s Dumbist Crooks”.

Them boys got right on that donut caper???

Hell yeah. Rite on it, like chickens on a June bug! It’s about DOUGHNUTS!
:slight_smile:

I very much enjoyed this story of robbers who pocket-dialed 911 while planning the crime, allowing the dispatcher to hear the entire plan and subsequent commission of the crime, right up until the point at which a police officer took the phone and hung up.

Please note before I make this post I am not trying to be an apologist for these criminals.

But it seems to me most of these stories are about desperation or stress, these people aren’t very bright but what pushes them to their acts of criminal stupidity is that they are at the end of their rope and don’t know what else to do. I’m not sure what the solution is, but it seems most are basically trapped and see no way out aside from robbing the convenience store or hiring a teen to set their insured business to fire.

I have a couple of stories from my life.

Many years ago I opened a bank account. It came with a book of cheques, which were blank as far as any personal information goes, they just had the routing information encoded on the bottom. You were supposed to use these until you got personalized ones. You would fill in the name, address, whatever by pen. I never used any of them, and they faded from memory. A couple of years later, that account having been closed for a while, someone had gotten ahold of the cheques and was trying to use them to pay off their utility bills and credit cards. They had, indeed, also filled in their personal information. I don’t know if the police ever did anything about it, but it would have been a rather easy arrest.

I worked at a call centre that did, among many other things, bill payments for AT&T wireless phones. Here in Canada, Rogers Telecommunications was and maybe is affiliated with AT&T. One bright spark found a handy loophole. When someone called in to pay their AT&T bill he would take their credit card information, write it down, and then rather than processing the payment he would just issue a credit to their account in that amount. He would then use the credit card information to pay his Rogers AT&T phone bill. Nobody was going to check into a smallish credit, the customer’s bill is paid, his bill is paid, it’s all good.

How you work in a place that handles such payments without realizing that there are people who will obsessively read their bills is beyond me. They will call in to ask why their bill was $76.32 last month and $76.33 this month, and insist that you explain to them exactly how the municipal tax that caused that difference is calculated. They are going to notice a sudden charge from a company they have never heard of before, and they are going to call in to enquire about it. He was also quite easy to find.

In this case, it wasn’lt desperation. The woman had been collecting rents from the tenants for a year, but stopped paying the mortgage. Her husband had tranferred the deed to her, and she had just taken the money (about $1200 a month in total; the mortgage payment was about half that) and spent it. She also didn’lt live in the house, so losing it was not going to be a hardship. She could have just walked away with little penalty except to her credit score.

The tenants (Schenectady has hundreds of two-family apartments) withheld rent because of the code violations (the post office refused to deliver the mail because the front porch was collapsing). so the money stopped flowing. Losing the house to foreclosure would not have been a hardship. It just seems they thought they had come up with a clever way to cash in.

Remembered another one. Texas didn’t have those scratch-off lottery cards when I lived there. But during a visit back in the 1990s, they had them then. This one Einstein who was working in a convenience store in a small town somewhere up in the Panhandle figured at least one of the tickets he was selling just had to be a big winner. So he started scratching them off, intending to pay for the others with the loot from the Big Winner. He went through all of them but didn’t win much. So he called the police and reported he’d been robbed, the bandits making off with all the lottery tickets. Then the police looked in the garbage can outside and found all the scratched-off tickets.

I helped chase down a mugger a few years ago - he jumped a woman in broad daylight in a Target parking lot (which had security cameras), she fought but he managed to get her purse. Myself and a number of passerbsy (as well as the victim and the store security guard) ran after him, it was quite the parade.

During the chase he stopped to take off his coat (I guess to disguise his appearance), however I was right nearby and I was on the phone with the 911 dispatcher, so I gave them a good description of what he looked like sans coat.

The security guard picked up his coat and handed it to me. I told the 911 dispatcher “Hold on, I’m going to make this very easy on you - his name is XYZ and his address is 123”; the dope left a letter from his own parole officer in his coat pocket reminding him of his next appointment.

If you’re going to impersonate a police officer and try to pull over other drivers in your fake cruiser, it is a bad idea to target an actual cop.

http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2014/10/15/akron-ohio-lancaster-man-arrested-for-impersonating-officer-after-he-tries-to-pull-over-real-cop.html

Not only do we have these dolts in Ohio, we even export them* to other states.

*can’t think how this happened, he looks like such a bright fellow.

[QUOTE=grude]

Please note before I make this post I am not trying to be an apologist for these criminals.

[/quote]
Understood.

I see your point, but the reason they are at the end of their rope and can’t think of anything else to do is that they are stupid.

I believe I read an analysis of how much the average criminal made from his crimes over his lifetime. If you average it out, he would have been better off working a minimum wage job.

Read Leavitt’s Freakonomics for an interesting discussion of why drug dealers live with their mothers - it’s basically a pyramid scheme. Like Amway, but sometimes you get shot.

Regards,
Shodan

I think this is true for those who grow and sell their own pot in small-time grow-ops (though without the getting shot part) - I had a high school friend who ended up doing that; he had a basement full of pot plants. His net income for the year was pitiful - around CAN $20K or so. Not a road to riches, exactly.

The reason? There is no way for hm to sell it except to small-time dealers - he can hardly both grow it and sell dime-bags to the general public himself; so most of the cash goes in distribution. Plus, since many of these folks are his buddies, mostly living in poverty, there was constant cash flow problems. Also, since they all both dealt and smoked it themselves, there was a lot of pressure on him to basically smoke his friends up for free, cutting into profits; and the equipment and supplies were not cheap.

It all added up to a lot of work and worry (with the ever-present fear of being busted by the cops and losing all one’s investment, never mind a stint in jail), for a meagre income. Not to mention strain on your friendships over drugs and money.

He’d have done just as well working as a bartender - without the stress of being a criminal.

As an aside, it is always amusing to see how the media and police over-inflate the value of the pot they have seized - particularly when it is in the form of plants. They inadvertantly (and conterproductively) give the impression that the growers are ‘rolling in riches’, which is generally far from the case.

We had an incident over the weekend in Albuquerque that I think qualifies for this thread.

Here’s the article.

The guy fired several more shots into the air and threw the gun into someone’s yard. The cops at the DWI checkpoint immediately pulled him over. He then told the cops they’d never find the gun.

“Well we did, two minutes later…” said Officer Simon Drobik.

I also recall this one shady businessman back in West Texas. He planned to burn down his business for the insurance money. At least, that’s what they figured he was trying to do by pouring gasoline over every square inch of his floor space. He forgot about the pilot light in the water heater and was fried to a crisp when it ignited the gasoline while he was smack dab in the middle of the place.

Proof that you do indeed hail from Texas or the beloved South. :slight_smile: