Stupid customer, stupider boss and my daughter gets demoted.

The BBQ Pit
1

I am trying to contain my motherly rage here, but it’s getting really hard not to go to my 20-year-old daughter’s place of employment and kick some major butt. For the second time, my daughter has gotten in trouble at work because an out-of-line customer made her cry, and this time they demoted her for being too emotional. One of her bosses can’t stand it when people cry, and he’s penalizing her for his prejudice.

Now before any of you get on your high horse about how the little girl should grow up and stop blubbering, you need to know that my daughter does not cry easily. Not like old-waterworks Mama. She is tough as they come, and doesn’t suffer fools gladly…she is perhaps too quick to react angrily. Hell, there is no perhaps about it. She has a high tolerance for bullshit and a great way with customers. But there was a minor misunderstanding the other night, and the customers (yes, alcohol was involved) got upset at an honest mistake. When my daughter tried to get the mistake corrected, which required a floor manager’s key, the customers started screaming at her and at the floor manager, and she found tears streaming down her face. She was very shaken by the level of abuse coming from the customer, and even more upset to find herself sent home, cut from the next day’s schedule and required to show up this afternoon for a meeting, at which she was demoted from assistant department head.

Now three weeks ago they asked her if she would relocate to Delaware to work on starting up a new location, training the new crew there. They have always thought highly of her abilities, and she was promoted ahead of older employees because of her test results, ability and customer skills. She just last week won an award for high sales. She has proved herself to be a valuable employee.

This particular manager has screamed at her himself, in front of customers, about things that were not her fault, and has flat out told her that he can’t stand crying. As someone who cries easily, I have no tolerance for people who look down upon those of us whose stress reaction is to cry. I’d rather have an employee who cries than one who lashes back in anger. My daughter has been through a few horrible years, and I’m proud of the way she has picked herself up and held herself together. It takes a lot to make her cry, and I don’t think demotion is the answer.

There was no offer to train her in ways to better handle beligerant customers. No advice on how the situation should have been handled. No support for her at all…and the customer was clearly out of line. This company has a good reputation so far, but I am sorely tempted to make a few calls, write a few letters, tell a few friends who have become customers there because of my daughter, just kick some butt. They have a lot to learn about how to train and retain good employees…I work in retail and I know that the behavior of this manager would not be tolerated in my company…and I am not the kind of mom who thinks my kid is always right, In fact, I usually assume that my kid was in the wrong (we’ve had some really rough years!)

But this bites. Bites, bites, bites. I hate feeling so impotent. I need to dopeslap someone. I need to have power and authority over this yahoo. I need to find that drunken bimbo of a customer and get her demoted at her job. I need to do something. Damn, damn, damn.

2

I hate what’s happening to her, but WHY is she still working someplace that’s obviously not worth her time and efforts? She needs to stand up for herself and tell her employer that she won’t be treated that way by customers or by them.

I’m not blaming her, but she can’t work in a place like that and maintain any sort of self respect. Driven to tears at work? Life is way too short.

Zette

3

She just got covered by the insurance plan…not that they bothered to send her an insurance card, or information…and she needs to get a couple doctor visits in while she looks for another job. She has bills to pay…and while they promise her 40 hours, she’s lucky to get 25, and it’s easier to get a job if you have a job…so the search begins.

4

That sucks- I know your rage. My sister is the most honest person I know and was totally dedicated to a particular drug store chain she was working for. She was a store manager for years and one day, out of the blue, she was pulled into the office and suspended with pay while they investigated some “allegations” about her.

She came to my house fucking hysterical- she’s never done a dishonest thing in her life, I kid you not. She was so humiliated and hurt. You know what it was about?

She bought a bottle of water while she was working, but she drank half of it before going up to pay for it and an employee that didn’t like her turned her in. She ended up written up and all got smoothed over, but the humilation of being suspended stung her so bad it hurt to watch it. I would get so pissed repeating the story to others that I shook and turned red at the very IDEA that they would accuse her, of all people, of stealing or attempting to steal.

I just wanted to offer some empathy- I know how infuriating it is to see someone you love treated like that. I’m glad she’s looking elsewhere (as did my sister). The lesson in all of it is that she deserves better and deserves respect, no matter what job she’s doing. Good for her for looking elsewhere.

Take care,

Zette

5

Thanks…it’s just so hard to see her finally getting somewhere, finally earning some money, finally building a life…and some stupid jerks want to end all that. Your sympathy is appreciated (and in case you’re wondering, the dead bird is still stuck in my gutter)

6

I freaking HATE IT when employers refuse to back up their employees!

She needs to get her dr’s appts over with and quit … and then go for unemployment. All she would need is someone to testify for her at the hearing and they would probably give it to her. Did anyone see these incidents that would be willing to back her up in front of a hearings officer?

Grrrrrrrr! The “bitch” in me would want to track down the drunken customer and mess with them somehow.

Karma will nail them eventually, though.

7

Go over the store manager’s head. Let Head Office know how he is treating his staff, and the morale problems he’s causing.

Let HIM go to Delaware to greenfield a store. Hell, give him a shovel to start on the foundations.

8

In my book, this is highly unprofessional behaviour which should get the manager demoted! Sheeesh! Is there any chance you can go to the manager’s manager? Among other things, seeing a manager chewing out an employee in public in a business would make me a lot less likely to go there. Don’t even get me started on drunken louts.

Please give your daughter an extra hug for me. I’m too tough to cry in public, but I know how shaking it can be to be cussed out.

9

Call up corporate HQ and go “Just wanted to let you guys know I’m quitting because of one of your managers.”

A lot of HQs REALLY don’t like to hear that and will at least listen to her side of the story.

10

Is there any profession in which the OP would agree that crying on the job is a serious problem for the employee?

For example, I would be quick to remove from the streets a police officer whose “stress reaction” was crying. I’d not think too highly of a surgeon who cried under the immediate stress of an emergency, either. In both cases, I would certainly not begrudge them private, away from the situation, after-effect bawling… but in both cases, I’d be inclined to negative action if they cried in the midst of a stressful situation.

I’d be curious to see if the OP agrees with the above analysis.

  • Rick
11

As a mother, my protective instincts go into high gear where my daughter is concerned. BUT, difficult as this is for you, you can’t fight this battle for her. She’s an adult. How would it look to her employer if her mom had to come to her rescue?? Give her advice and support, let her cry on your shoulder, rant all you want, but do not confront her boss.

Just one mom’s opinion.

12

First and foremost, I’m sorry your daughter is having such strife at work. This is a good opportunity for you to help her learn what differentiates good jobs/employers/workplaces from bad. That said, I feel the need to respond to this:

You don’t seriously think those are the only two options, do you? If I were a manager I’d want neither of those, and not because I “look down upon those who cr[y],” but because I wouldn’t want anyone working for me who couldn’t deal with a stressful situation in a workplace-appropriate way. I guess I’m of the opinion that any business transaction should be handled in a businesslike and professional a way as possible, as free from any turbulent emotions as possible.

13

Sorry, that should have been:

14

I agree…but I’m not talking about crying during “normal” job stress…if my daughter were bursting into tears everytime someone was rude, that would be different. And it’s not so much “bursting into tears sobbing” kind of crying I’m talking about…it’s those tears that silently roll down your cheeks as you struggle to maintain composure in the face of an onslaught. Or the ones that send you to the backroom for a minute to catch your breath after someone has been unspeakably rude. Most of us frequent criers don’t seek out high-stress jobs. And I still contend that someone who tears up is better than someone who lashes out.

15

This seems to be a problem with the supervisor. I’ve had such jobs before (supervising) and I can tell you that almost always, the manager should support an employee in this situation. Even if your daughter made a mistake, there is NEVER any reason to let a customer yell at her. I would take abuse sometimes from customers, but I’d be damned if I let them yell at my employees.(that’s my job ;))

I would have your daughter talk to the HR dept. or regional/district manager. Chances are, they know about this manager already and will not be overly surprised to hear about this.

As a side note, situations like this seem to pop up a LOT in transactions concerning alchohol. This is one area where the employees have to be extremely carefull due to liability. They can be fined, lose their job, even get sued if they sell to someone drunk or underage and they crash and die, or kill someone.

Have her talk to the manager’s manager.

16

Kittenblue, hugs for your girl, but she needs to handle this on her own. I do agree that yelling at your employee in front of others is a definite no-no. “Praise in public, punish in private.”

My husband dealt with a highly unprofessional manager when he was working part time at a convenience store. She would leave notes for him threatening his job out by the cash register for anyone to read. My husband told her what she could do with the job, then contacted the regional manager and let him know why he quit. The RM begged him to work for him as a manager at another store.

He didn’t, but going up the food chain to more professional management may help Little Kittenblue.

17

Even the “silent tears” would, I think, be inappropriate for a street-level police officer, whose modis operandi is that they must appear to take charge of any situation. Early opponents to female police officers claimed that the females would likely be in danger if they cried on the job in the middle of a tense confrontation; fortunately, those fears were largely imaginary - not because of the danger of tears in those situations, but because the women who chose to puruse the career were not, through either training or temperament, subject to rearing up like that.

While a retail establishment is a far cry (no pun intended!) from a law enforcement job, I still think an employer is within their rights to require that tears, silent or otherwise, not punctuate their worker’s professional lives.

Of course, I also agree that a work environment in which a manager screams at a subordinate in front of the public is absolutely inappropriate. But the public may scream at the the workers, and the employer is well within their expectations to require that emotions be held in check. I agree tears are better than lashing out; I don’t agree those are the only two options.

  • Rick
18

Um, Bricker-what the fuck? The guy totally humiliated her?

I’m sorry, but I don’t think the girl overreacted. I’d be crying too.

As for quitting, like kittenblue said, easier said than done. I had to seriously reduce my work schedule because I kept having panic attacks at work.

19

Another vote for contacting HR.

Yeah, crying on the job isn’t appropriate. But it doesn’t sound like kittenblue’s daughter is in the habit of breaking down at every little stress. This was a particularly nasty episode. An otherwise excellent employee who has one crying episode needs help and support, not yelling. The manager ought to have sat down with her afterwards and found out if he could help her with methods for dealing with that kind of customer, or handling frustration at least until you can get off the floor.

I’ve supervised waitstaff before, and I’ve had a few employees who’ve had to duck into the storeroom. The customer’s service was never affected–I was always more than happy to help out when an otherwise excellent employee had a bad moment, or a bad day. If I found an employee about to lose it on the floor, I would have sent them to the back myself and taken over. Goddess knows, a good employee is worth their weight in gold.

The manager was completely out of line–yelling at employees in front of others is not cool in the least. She should find out if her company has a grievance procedure. If HR can’t or won’t help her, she should stick it out until her insurance situation is cleared up, and then jump ship. She’ll be an asset to any company that hires her, just as long as they know what they have.

20

Bricker -

I was working at the Barnes & Noble at Thousand Oaks when J.K. Rowlings came in for a signing. A lot of people had gone up to the balcony when they realized they weren’t going to get a book signed.

I was physically threatened with being shoved down the escalator when I told them (as I had been instructed by security) that they would not be allowed to go down it; that if they wished to go downstairs they could use the elevator or the other escalator (which had been turned off). One woman did, in fact, strike me (and if I’d been thinking I would have had her arrested for assault, but that’s another story).

It was a flight-or-fight situation for me, and my adrenaline was probably the highest its been since my car wreck.

No, I didn’t cry while I was involved in crowd control, but only because one of the managers (who wasn’t working that day at all but had come in shopping with his girlfriend) took over for me when he saw what was happening.

At that point, I walked into the nearest corner of the store, hid behind the science fiction bookshelves, and bawled my eyes out for about five minutes.

I could not get downstairs, and there was no upstairs breakroom.

Sometimes, when dealing with hostile customers, there really are only two options, particularly when you know that management won’t back you up.