Stupid motherfucking boss from the seventh circle of hell.

The BBQ Pit
1

I hate my boss. He’s a prick. Just a little bit of background before I begin, I work as an assistant in a supermarket and I have a boss who is a rude and sarcastic little prick. He makes my entire working life miserable.
Well seeing as I’ll never work up the bottle to say this to his face so I’ll say it here and now.

Fuck you. Fuck you and all your worthless kind you encephalopathetic donkey gonad. What the fuck is up with you treating me like a moron you miserable pig molesting son of a filtly whore? Where did such a miserable little headless roach like you get such an attitude problem??? Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? If so she probably did it deliberately to try to put you out of the misery which even she in her disgusting, drug addled state of mind, realised you were going to have to put up with when you grew up to be the pointless waste of food and air you are today. But that’s only one possible explanation. Perhaps you were starved of oxygen at birth, perhaps you were abused as a child, there could be dozens of explanations for your behavoiur towards people and especially me and I don’t really give a flying fuck in a thunderstorm which one fits.
The worst thing is that you treat me as though you’re superior to me, smarter than me. Well I’m only seventeen and this is just a part time job. You on the other hand are thirty four and are still wasting the pointless breathing cycle which make up your life as a deputy assistant manager in a supermarket. That’s only two grades up from me. You’ve been working there for about fourteen years and that’s all you’ve got to show for it?!?!?
You are a walking advertisement for eugenics and a better example of the dangers of a shallow gene pool than can be found anywhere in the western hemisphere. You are a douchebag, a worthless sheetstain, a cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity. You bring the entire fucking SPECIES down with you. The strangest thing is how on earth someone as fat and ugly as you could possibly feel superior. You look like the abandoned love child of Roseanne Barr and Robin Cook!! Someone as truly grotesque and ugly as you should have been drowned at birth to save you from a life of touring with the freakshows and yet you act superior towards ME?!?
You haven’t got a fucking brain in your head, you’ve got one of those potato batteries!!! That gives off just enough neural stimulation to move you around and keep you breathing (more’s the pity). The jumbled, gibbering, loose lipped ravings you constantly supply me with are, perhaps, the worst thing about you. If I didn’t need this fucking job so bad I’d tell you just how fucking STUPID your putdowns were.

But I do need this job so I wont and I guess this is a pretty good place to end this rant. Thanks for reading this far, I just needed to get that out of my system cos I had a very shitty day at work today and that dickless sack of slime was worse that he’s been for a long time.

Ahh I feel much better now. I didn’t realise before just how theraputic a nice rant can be.

2

Nice ! … I feel better after reading that. Much like yelling out over the ocean.

3

Print out that post and put it on his desk the day you quit. If he even has a desk, that is.

4

that was beautiful…wish i could think of something as comely. never, never does it come to me at the right time.

5

I gave that one a 9.2, mainly for this comment:

That’s almost as good as “ugly as a hatful of assholes”

Zette

6

Gomez, try this on for size.

He knows.

He knows how pathetic he is, he probably hates his life. The only times he feels good is when he’s dmeaning other people, so that he can, for one second, feel better than someone.

He knows that to you this job is nothing, he is nothing, worthless the both of them.

He knows that at the end of the summer you’re going back to high school or on to college and will end up with a better life than him.

He knows that some day your children will ALSO have part time jobs, not because they need them, but because they want them.

He knows that you can walk out and it won’t make any difference to you.

He knows that he can’t walk out because there’s nothing else for him.

Next time he belittles you, just smile and know that both of you know who’s superior.

Doesn’t THAT make you feel better?

7

I sense a sig line here for the taking. Gomez, if you are Chicano or Hispanic as your name suggests, I compliment you on your mastery of “Spanish-style” insults in English. You truly are a master of your craft. That was just…just (tearing up) beautiful!!

8

Yes, yes it does. Thanks a lot.

P.S. Thanks for all the good reviews for my debut rant, Zette, a 9.2??? Aww shucks :slight_smile:

9

Gomez,
Having worked the Shitty Jobs with the Shitty Bosses, I know how you feel.

print that out, and keep it in your pocket. think of it every time he gives you shit.

10

get a copy of his resume’ (be creative) or make up a fake one for him (be creative)

When you know his boss is around sometime…
put it in the copier and hit “200 copies”

11

That was your debut rant? Welcome to the pit!

My favorite line. :smiley:

I give it a 9.4. It had a good beat, and I could dance to at least part of it.

12

Gomez

I’m sure this doesn’t apply to you, a hard-working and mistreated individual. However, as a supermarket manager with a desk I rarely see, here’s another perspective:

Hello, Mr. Seventeen-Year-Old Employee (SYOE). Late again, I see. What happened…no let me guess. You overslept
because you went out and got drunk last night. Dang! Got it right on the first try! I suppose I should feel fortunate you didn’t call in sick. Tough times, these. Low unemployment rates mean that the 1% of workers I could hire to replace you seem even worse. Guess we’ll give it another try.

Where are you going? Fifteen minute break…well I guess rushing to get to work will tire one out. But when you get a chance, we’ve got two deliveries of fresh produce sitting in our room temperature warehouse. They both need to be stocked and refrigerated immediately. I’ll get started. Try to keep the on-the-clock break to fifteen minutes, not the twenty-five minutes you used last time.

Back so soon. Nineteen minutes. You’re showing improvement! Hmm…cigarette smoke on your breath. This is a health food store, so if you wouldn’t mind rinsing out your mouth because you are on back-up register. Yes, I’m overstepping my bounds here. Also, that “Kill the Christians!!” T you’re wearing is against dress code. Could you please put on a store T-shirt. I realize this makes me a censor and will get harsh words put up on the community board about the lousy dictatorial free-speech-hating management, but here I must insist.

Later…after doing most of the warehouse work myself…

Hey, SYOE, you priced all the $7.29 olive oil bottles at $2.79. Please change those prices. It should be easier since you didn’t bother rotating the product on the shelf. Mistakes happen.

That is cigarette smoke on your breath, isn’t it? It’s just the smell is kind of odd.

One hour later, after franticly trying to get the advertising together for this week’s paper and do payroll, I leave my office and desk. (And though I graduated from a well-known university with a 3.45 GPA it is still a bit stressful to try to get this all done accurately in an hour’s time.)

Hmm, the oil is still priced at $2.79. Well, the job should be easier now as most of the bottles have sold. Where is SYOE? Ah, there he is in the hall talking with several other employees. Excuse me folks, this is a business. Yes, Nineteen Year Old Employee, you may be on break, but what about these other folks. Could someone perhaps take a moment or two and stock a shelf, if it is not to much trouble? How about you SYOE, tomorrow is Saturday, and you don’t want to get behind and have to do it all on our busiest day of the week.

What’s that SYOE? You can’t work tomorrow? A band is playing in DC and you have to go? No, that’s not acceptable. You know I need at least 1 week to process a schedule request. So what if you already bought tickets?!

I guess I’m an asshole.

I know you’ll just call in sick anyway. Go. Saturday was my only day off this week, but I guess I’ll be working. I’m sure my girlfriend will understand.

Whoops, they’re calling you to the register, SYOE. Where are you going? Break again?? No. I’m sorry if you’re getting angry at me. No, I don’t want you to behave like that in front of the customers. I’ll do your register shift. Just cool down and try to work.

And so it goes. I know that when I get back from the register hardly anything will have been stocked by the stupid kid. Firing is almost impossible these days, and having a kid who shows up occasionally means that occasionally I get to spend a few moments doing my job and not his. I hardly ever see my girlfriend anymore since 11 hour days six days a week are the rule.

Excuse me if I don’t shed any tears over a bad supermarket boss. You, Gomez, are the lucky one. You managed to find a place where the boss is the problem,and not the totally fucking irresponsible SYOEs. One in a million, would be my guess. One in a fucking million.

Suggestion: Work your ass off and you’ll take his/her job soon. Then you can try to run a business that’s fair to employees, customers and management. Get obsessed with the challenge of it. The place could become an oasis in a world of unhappy employments. You can make a profit for everyone! None of you will get rich, but there will be enough money and time for friends, health, growth, art and much else that makes living worthwhile–and doing something that is good and useful. That was my idea once. And though I must be a fool, it’s still my idea. Good luck.

13

Ah…if only I had a seen a rant like that when I quit my job at a grocery store…stupid George…what an assmunch.
Gomez, that SERIOUSLY kicked ass.

14

Hey Biotop, I think that one deserves it’s own thread:) but seroiusly, I feel your pain man, I work with a couple of guys who are lazy as hell thus forcing me to bear the brunt of the workload. Mr Asshole rails on them too but he seems to have a special place in his heart for me. Ah well, I’ve got a four hour shift tonight. Wish me luck!