Here’s one.
I work computer tech support. Once a man called angrily complaining that his “sound card was busted.”
After five minutes of furious
head-scratching, we found out the user was upset that he couldn’t hear the music on his Windows 98 CD…
Humility prevents me from recounting my own feats of great stupidity so I will resort to family members.
Summer '86 or so and my sister (11 at the time) is outside playing with friends, Mom’s instructions are to be back before dark.
So it is about 11:30 that night, my mom is pretty much in full panic mode, we are all running the neighborhood looking for her.
Who should come walking the street? My sister! Seemingly nothing wrong with her. Here’s the conversation:
MOM: Aimee! Do you know what time it is?
AIMEE: I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was dark.
MOM: Where were you?!
AIMEE: Playing in the park.
Two things you should know:
-
My mom believed in the occasional spanking, and
-
Aimee never got much better and coming up with good excuses for misbehavior.
-Obfus
You want stupid? Try being British abroad. Have been asked:
Is England near Britain? (England is part of Britain.)
How many thousand people live in Britain? (There are 75 million of us. Only 3 orders of magnitude out guys!)
Have you ever cycled to Holland from Britain? (Britain is an island. Hello?!)
My favorites are people who use words they don’t understand, but think they do. I heard a guy testify in court that he had been “ejaculated” from his vehicle after he hit a tree, and then was arrested for “snatch-a-tory” rape!! The judge had to leave the room, although we could all hear him laughing before the door closed. Another man claimed “The deputies be causin’ him DEFECATION of character”. I really like that one. I mean, what is defamation of character? Some one talking shit about you!!!
Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else. MIPSIMS : where we put the fun back in dysfunctional.
Dragonlady, yours reminds me of something that my dad did. Not stupid, exactly, but pretty funny. He is a minister and loves to tell stories in his sermons. One of them involved doing repairs on a fishing boat with some of his friends.
Several times during the sermon he remarked that they had to lift a heavy engine block using “three men and a wench.” We still don’t know who this strapping young lady might have been.
Back to the computer-idiots for a moment.
My brand-new computer was stolen, and since I was still a student I had to fire up my old 386. It had been having battery problems for years, but I hadn’t bothered to fix it. This time I figured I would, because who knows how long it would be before I got my insurance money.
So I opened up the box, looked at the battery very carefully, and wrote down everything that was written on it (it was soldered in).
Next stop, Future Shop.
Me: Hi, I need a nickel-cadmium battery for my desktop computer.
Clerk: A what?
Me: A battery. It says ni-cad on it, so I assume that means nickel-cadmium.
Clerk: You mean your laptop.
Me: No, I mean my desktop.
Clerk: Desktop computers don’t have batteries. Only laptops do.
Me: You don’t know what you’re talking about. Take me to someone who does.
So the guy takes me over to the repairs department, and says to the guy there, “She wants a battery for her desktop computer. I tried to tell her they don’t have batteries…”
Me: Look, I need a ni-cad battery,
do you have them?
The repair guy looks at me, looks at the idiot, smiles, and says, “We don’t carry them. Try (name of computer shop) down the street. That’s where I got mine.”
So I did, and they had them. Computer successfully fixed.
That was the fourth time I’ve had someone play the “We don’t carry it so it doesn’t exist” game with me.
This post is made of 100% recycled electrons
You know i’ve talk to a lot of tech support people and they tell me the most common question is, “The computer says press any key, but there is no any key on my keyboard.”
I was just thinking that the reason why the Forrest Gump movie was so popular is because he was a stupid person and the majority of the country is stupid.
Two wrongs do not make a right…but three lefts do.
You know i’ve talked to a lot of tech. support people and they tell me the most common question is, “The computer says press any key, but there is no any key on my keyboard?”
I was just thinking that the reason why the Forrest Gump movie was so popular is because he was a stupid person and the majority of the country is stupid.
Two wrongs do not make a right…but three lefts do.