Stupid people stories

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

People scare me. People are really stupid sometimes. Sometimes I think that I have an understanding of the depths of stupidity of people… but people quickly go and prove that I really haven’t even begun to realize their full potentional for doing really stupid stuff.

My two friends and I were driving to Burger King. They’ve got that great 99 cents menu that is wonderful for us college folk. It was rather busy out on the roads, nothing unusal though. So we get over in the left hand turn lane and have to wait a minute to get through. This is where people show their stupidity.

So there we are, waiting in the left hand turn lane. We have our blinker on and there’s a wall of cars to our left. We were perfectly legal and perfectly correct in our left hand turn procedure. Then, stupid people enter. This particular species of stupid people were in a car. Three girls actually, two in front, one in back. Evidently I must’ve thought I knew how stupid people really were and they just had to debunk my thought.

They pull off into the left hand turn lane, with their blinker on, doing everything properly… except one problem… our car is in their way. They must not have known how to cope with such a surprise… this one really caught them off guard. “Another car!! Turning left!! Blocking us from turning left!? Oh no… They didn’t tell us about this back in drivers ed… let’s get mad. That seems like the smart thing to do.”

So there we are, face to face, in a left hand turn lane. The stupid people driver got very mad and started yelling many cuss words. You could see her mouth wonderful four letter words as she frantactly waved her stupid people hands about.

So what did we do? We laughed. I was in the passenger seat, so I waved polietly at them.

All three of them got real mad. One of them used their stupid people finger, the one in the middle, and waved it violently at us. The other two copied.

We laughed harder.

We finally got a chance to turn. As we pulled out of the left hand turn lane we all waved and laughed.

They were not amused. They waved those stupid people fingers and mouthed more four letter words…

It was a fun trip. But wow… people are stupid.

Jocose.net

2

Yeah, the really scary thing is they’ll probably breed in later life too.

I get pissed off at people who don’t stop to think that a)they might be wrong, b)there may be other possibilities, and c) the consequences of their actions.

Still, Cecil’s doing all he can…

The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife.

3

The masses are asses, as a good friend of mine once said. People just seem to lose all common sense. As a cop in New York City, I could fill books on the stupid things that people do. My favorite is that people always have some dumb excuse.
“Sir, why are your pants down around your ankles?” Answer: I’m hot.
“Ma’am, this is a one way street!” Answer- “I know Officer but I’m just going to pick up my sister.”
People aren’t just stupid many times, but they assume so much. You dod the right thing though. You just need to laugh and thank God that you were given more than an avocado to think with.

4

Stupid people?
You want a stupid people story?
While Living in Gadsden Al, attending college, I met a just such a person.
The poor man believed, Everytime we launched a rocket into space we poked an additional hole in the Ozone layer.

He being 6 foot 5 and well over 300 lbs I politely agreed, moved well out of earshot,
and laughed like a hyena.

Oh your from Wales?? Do you know a fella named Jonah?? He used to live in whales for a while.

5

for stupid people, I think it would great if the car makers would install a “stupid finger” flasher, than you could use like a your turn signals. oh well, maybe I am stupid.

“I"ll sleep when I’m dead” - Warren Zevon

6

I’ve always wanted a big ring that says “biquts”. That way, when someone does something extraordinarily stupid, I can just punch them in the head, and bam! There’s a label so the next person that has to deal with them will know.

I think I heard a comedian using that bit several years ago.

7

But what’s been boglling my mind is this: What did they expect us to do?

Did they want us to turn left into the stream of traffic and possibly die?

Or perhaps give up with turning left, 'cause they wanted to, and pull back into traffic and drive off?

But the thing that really gets me laughing is picturing them getting wherever they were going… I can just imagine… they see someone they know,

“You’ll never believe what just happend!”

“What? You all look really mad.”

“This jerk was in the left hand turn lane! In our way! And do you know what he was doing there!?”

“What? Was he just blocking traffic?”

“Yeah! He was waiting for the traffic to clear so he could turn! And do you know what he did when we pulled up to him!?”

“Ahhh… did he run in to you?”

“He stayed there! He didn’t move!”

“He never turned?”

“No, he turned, when the traffic was clear. But he waited for it to clear!”

“Oh… so what did he do?”

“He laughed. I was pissed. I honked my horn and yelled at them to move. Do you know what they did in response!? They LAUGHED! Like I was some joke. Like I wasn’t important enough for them to care about… people are such jerks. Why don’t the police do there job and keep them off the road…”

Jocose.net

8

I remember once I was walking along, about midnight, heading up the hill to home, when I had to cross a car park driveway.

I glanced over to see if a car was approaching, and there was. But it wasn’t moving very fast at all, and in fact was a good ten metres away. It was piloted by an extremely drunk skanky young woman, with her equally drunk skanky young womanfriends.

I was way past the driveway entrance with plenty of time to spare. I was about halfway past the next building when I hear a drunken beeeep beeeeeeeeeeeep “Gedoudda muh fuggin… waaaaay!”

I pity the passengers.

The Legend Of PigeonMan

  • Shadow of the Pigeon -
    Weirdo of the Night
9

A friend of mine once told me about the stupid woman he ran into while paying a toll. He had exact change, so he (of course) got into the exact change automatic lanes. Well, the lady in front of him seemed to be having a hard time with the toll. He saw her toss something in, then when the gate did not lift, she honked her horn. After a few moments, an atendant walked over, and proceeded to pull a CRUMPLED DOLLAR BILL out of the basket.

Another toll story. I worked with a guy who, while paying his toll, completely missed the basket, so he opened his door to get his dropped change, and noticed, HEY, there was a WHOLE lotta change on the ground! So what does this genius do? He pays his toll, then pulls onto the shoulder just ahead of the toll booths, walks back to the automatic tolls, AND STARTS PICKING UP ALL OF THE LOOSE CHANGE ON THE GROUND. He missed work that day, as he was promptly arrested.

I have a lot of stories. So many stupid people, so little time to type…

Dizzy

Animals are crapping in our houses! What, did we lose a war?

10

I can talk until I am blue in the face about my encounters with stupid people. Unfortunately, human stupidity often results in animal pain and suffering, so I won’t depress everyone with specific examples. Anyone who remembers my “Animal Emergency” threads will know what I am talking about.

You know you are a vet nurse when: it’s 4 AM and you are out of creamer for your coffee, so you use kitten milk replacer instead.

11

My favourite stupid drivers are the ones who try to back down the on- or off-ramps to LA freeways.

Now, I’ve seen people doing this in out of the way places, but this is LA for god’s sake!

This post is made of 100% recycled electrons

12

I don’t know if computers attract stupid people, or if they just expose previously unrealized stupidity.

But talking about the stupid people that call me during the day is like shooting puppies in a barrel… good for a bit of short visceral fun, but unfufilling in the long run.

But there is a subset of callers that meshes with a subset of all stupid people. The subset of stupid people that I despise beyond all others… stupid people that try to make up for their stupidity with beligerence.

Some SUV driver gets too wrapped up with his cell phone call and doesn’t realize I’m in the lane he’s trying to merge into? I sigh, and realize the intelligence is no longer required for survival. Same driver starts screaming at me at the side of the road for scratching his yuppie-tank? Guy deserves a goddamn bullet to the kneecap and a kick to the face.

Some guy calls me after spilling coffee on his keyboard? I’m sympathetic. I’ve done the same, thankfully to a $10 desktop keyboard and not a $7000 computer. That guy threatens me when I won’t cover it in warranty or huffs and puffs and demands to talk to my suprivisor? He’s lucky my hangup button doesn’t also have a detonate caller feature.

Bought the wrong item then scream at the register-jockey when you wait too long to return it? Brand their forehead with a big S.

When I get mad at a customer for asking me something I was never trained on, but maybe shoulda been? I’m a complete asshole.

Boss gets mad at me for not knowing how to support a product that he never trained me on or even warned me that I was going to have to support? Another asshole.

Ignorance is curable.
Stupidity is pityable.
Beligerence should be punished by great deals of pain.

http://www.madpoet.com
I am human, and I need to be loved
Just like anybody else does

13

My sister-in-law works in a video store. The other day she overheard a woman telling her daughter; “No, honey, it’s just a movie. The Titanic didn’t really sink.”

14

Seems like a great many of the stupidest of our species work at WalMart.

Last weekend I’m buying something, and the total comes out to $4.17. I hand this kid a fiver, a dime, nickel and two pennies.

He looks at the money in his hand and glazes over, I swear I think I started to detect the odor of burning plastic coming from his ears.

Best part–he proceeds to give me two dollars change. WTF!?

15

I’m just glad I never ever have to wait tables again, stupid people really steal part of your soul. I am serious, ever meet s person who has been a waiter/waitress for 25 years ? They are an empty shell.

What are your salad dressings ?
Thousand Island, Ranch, and Italian.
Do you have Blue Cheese ??

Did I say Blue Cheese ?? Yes we have Blue Cheese, but only for the special people . . . its a freakin Blue Cheese conspiracy !!

Moron.

“I am mortal, born to love and to suffer.” - Friedrich Holderlin

16

I think that Madpoet and I are on the same page. We may work at the same place. That would be strange.

Those are some great stories, so check these out:

A lady calls me to ask why her product id key for windows 98 isn’t working.
I ask her if she is trying to enter a 25 character product key with no vowels in it. She says that it is 25 digits long, but that it has vowels in it.
I tell her that it cannot be the correct number then, because windows 98 pid numbers do not have any vowels in them.
She says it’s the one she used when she got her computer, so why doesn’t it work now.
Again, I ask her if it has any vowels in it, and she says yes. I assure her that there must be some mistake because the windows 98 pid key is not under any circumstances going to contain any vowels.
She insists that it is the right key. I ask her again if there are any vowels in it. Her response…
"YES! I already told you there’s vowels, like ‘m’ and ‘z’."
I was barely able to hit my mute button before BWAH-HA-HAHA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Another time this lady called in all pissed off, the call went a little something like this:

her: I just hooked up my $5,000 system and it don’t work!

me: Okay, let’s go ahead and check the hook up-

her: I plugged it in <snork> I’m not stupid.

me: I know, ma’am, I’m not implying that you are, I just need to get a feel of how it’s hooked up so I can check for any errors.

her: Okay, but I tell you, I know I hooked it up right.
<proceeds to check plugs in about 4 seconds>
yep, looks good.

me: Well, let’s take it a step at a time, are all the components plugged into a surge protector?

her: Yes.

Me: Does anything have any power?

her: No! I told you the whole system is crap, nothing works!

Me: Then it could just be the surge protector. Did you try a different wall outlet?

her: No.

Me: Okay, unplug the surge protector from the wall and try a different electrical outlet.

her: what?

Me: <repeat>

her: Well, I got all these cords here, let’s see. Uhm, this one is the monitor, this one is the tower, this one is the printer, this one is the scanner, this one is the power station. which one do I switch?

Me: What was that last one?

her: The power station, you know that everything plugs into.

Me: You don’t have that plugged into the wall? It’s plugged into itself?

her: yeah. See? It’s broke.

Me: You need to plug that into the wall.

her: click
The vowel one was the crown jewel, but the second was a great one, too.

Those are my two favs.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

17

MadPoet, Lexicon, should you ever find the time to tell more of these stories, please post them - they’re priceless :wink:

Oh, and MadPoet’s homepage has quite a nice collection as well.

18

ok…i work in a medical centre…it’s only funny when it happens once in awhile…when you get these things 10 times everyday you work…it loses it’s thrill.

do you have doctors here?

is doctor <whoever> in?
no, they’ll be back tomorrow.
so they’re not here now?
i cough
(that one happens once every 15minutes on our walk-in-saturdays)

or worse:
is doctor smith in?
no, they’ll be back monday.
so can i see a doctor?
sure. doctor jones is taking walkin patients?
so i can’t see doctor smith?

(grr)

19

It’s a customer service thing. I do medical insurance and billing customer service. Back at Blue Cross we had to log in all calls with a two letter code. CC was customer complaint, RM was request materials. We reps lobbied for a CS, customer stupid, but our boss dismissed us out of hand.

“I’m sorry, I can’t look up your claim; the computer is down.”
“Well, go downstairs and get it!”

“Why are you billing me this 20% for the anesthesiologist?”
“We are your insurance company. We are not billing you. Your anesthesiologist may and probably will send you a bill. Did you read the part in big red bold lettering that says this is not a bill?”
“It doesn’t matter. I did not authorize the anethesiologist, so I’m not gonna pay this.”
“Whether you pay your doctor or not is up to you sir, but when you have open heart surgery the authorization is implicit.”

I am not making this up.

20

had another interesting ocurance wednesday night at work.

we’re a doctor’s office. we’re talkin’ coughs and fevers. this guy walke din bleeding. i thought it was a cut. he’d been SHOT! so he walked in. ha. go to the hospital for pete’s sake!