Stupid Questions from Stupid People

Every so often this kind of thread pops up and I am rekindling it. Forgive me for not digging up the original. It’s 4am, I have insomnia and I can never find any thread I am looking for in a search. I am a moron.

Someone here (I can’t remember) use to work at the front desk in a hotel in a resort area of Colorado and had some one ask a real corker:

“At what elevation does an antelope become an elk.”

I need more. I have a friend (ok, it’s my OB.) whom encounters stupid people on a high ratio and I want to make her 1)laugh and 2) realize she is not alone in her fight against ignorance.


I’m living so beyond my income that we may almost said to be living apart
-e e cummings

For me, this thread would be like shooting puppies in a barrel. Terribly easy, and only a brief visceral thrill.

For example there’s the NT people. The screwheads that put NT on their laptop and then wonder why all the 95 specific functions we have don’t work. And then expect me to write a driver special for them to get it working. (The driver exists… they can have it for a mere $200. So what do they want from me?)

You know how dumb the average guy on the street is? Statisticly half of them are even dumber.


http://www.madpoet.com
“I never meant to hurt you,” you said,
And buried yourself in lies instead.
Next time I would rather be slain,
Than forced to bear your mercy again.

After my divorce, I worked on Saturdays at a small short-order grill close to where I lived. I was friends with the owner, he knew my situation and he paid me ‘under the table’ to help me out.
There were no tables in this place, strictly a take-out joint. Almost every single person that would call an order in, would say I’d like to place a take-out order. And??? That’s all we had was take-out orders.


I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Here’s one of my favorites, not sure if I’ve told it in other threads or not.

On a high school class trip to Valley Forge, we were watching a short film re-enactment. The guy showing the movie said the dialogue was taken from the writings of Washington and his contemporaries, and accurately portrayed what was really spoken back then. One kid asked, “Are they the real voices, too?”

You O.B.?? …your tampon? …thats the closest I can make out of that… (probably just shoulda kept my mouth shut and pretended to know)

I was a kid back in the 70s. One day I was at Sears and I stopped by the electronics department while dad was doing something else. A salesman was showing something to a woman (a Pong game? Something like that) and he mentioned the “battery eliminator” (I guess that was Sears’ term for a/c power supply). The woman said, “Oh! It takes batteries? I thought it ran on electricity!” I could barely keep from laughing. (Hey, when you’re a kid, you find these things funny.)


“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry

Are you a turtle?

Oh good, see, I’ve been wondering for some time if…

Oh, wait, I’m not supposed to post my own questions here am I…


Profanity is the crutch of the inarticulate mother-fucker.

Nu Vo Da DA, I nearly pissed myself when I read your sig :smiley:

The deer/antelope becoming elk question is a classic here in CO. Used to live with a bunch of snowmobiling/fly-fishing/rafting guides. They get all the good ones.

Also, “What kind of machine do they use to make those moguls?”

And, on a raft trip, “Will we end up where the cars are?” “Yeah, lady, this river runs in a biiiig circle.”

And, “Where do they keep the snow in the summer?” (really)

“Where do they keep the moguls in the summer?”
“What’s all the white stuff up there?” “Mountain mold.”


Cogita tute

That would be me, Shirley.

I’m never working front desk at a hotel again. I swear some of the people I met never left home in their lives. Like this one:

Guest: “Wow! This resort has its own airport?”
Me: “Uh. . . no.”
Guest: “But it says here you have a Continental Breakfast. . .”
Me: (Pounding head on desk.)
– Sylence


I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one.

I have so many, I could write a book. Here are two of the best.

A co-worker called me up and asked me how to type a Roman numeral 4. (No shit)

Three times now different waitresses have asked how I wanted my Egg Beaters fixed. (over easy, please)

Yipes!
Zette


“If I had to live your life, I’d be begging to have someone pop out both my eyes. Just in case I came across a mirror.” - android209 (in the Pit)
Zettecity
Voted “Most Empathetic”- can you believe that?

I used to work as a service advisor at a car dealership. Once, after explaining for about five minutes what was wrong with this guy’s transmission, he asked me, “Well, do I need a transmission? I mean, can’t I just disconnect it if it’s broken?”

O.B.=Obstetrician

I’ve had to ask that, before, really. Medical abbreviations only seem simple when you know them.

I ordered a cashew sundae at Culvers. They bring the meals out to the table after you order. The lady sets it on the counter after she maked it. I’m picking it up, and she says “Someone will bring that right out sir.” I told her in a joking manner “Gee that’s mighty nice of you.” Then she realizes I didn’t have anything else ordered.
The forest service questions go with what type you mentioned. http://www.rinkworks.com/said/forest.shtml

The whole page is full of other good funny quotes. http://www.rinkworks.com/said/

The Dilbert Newsletter usually has a thing or two about “induhviduals.” :slight_smile:


No matter where you go, there you are.

This certainly qualifies:
http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/006753.html


Oh yeah? Well, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. Backwards. In high heels. - As per Wally

I resent that

Once I had a friend mention that he had seen a pool truck ( the tankers that fill pools with water) being filled at a fire hydrant. He said “I didn’t know they could fill up at hydrants.” His brother then chipped in, “Well, maybe the truck was filling the hydrant.”
And bedbug- you spelled that wrong. it’s r-e-s-e-m-b-l-e, not resent.

oh dear God… I am slow!

Many tourists to Yellowstone National Park ask how the Park Rangers turn the geysers off for the winter. I always thought that was a good dumb question.